Paint a picture. It'll last longer. Welcome to Night Vale.
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Councilwoman Tamika Flynn announced this week that she got a new dog. It's her 17th birthday in just a couple of weeks, so her dad, D'Angelo Flynn said she could adopt a puppy. They went to the Night Vale Animal Shelter and Discount Tire Shop. Tamika thought about this sweetheart pitbull named Rosie, but worried about the nee...
2020-06-02 21:30:42 +0000 UTC View Post"At least their heart's in the right place," I say, softly running my hand across a plastic take-out container. Welcome to Night Vale.
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In light of a string of armed robberies across Night Vale, the City Council today called a press conference. They announced in unison that they are greatly disturbed by this crime wave because it means they've had to put their vacation plans on hold. ...
2020-06-02 21:30:16 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with Dessa)
CECIL [in a cheesy DJ voice, over a few bars of smooth Jazz]: Good evening, fiiine citizens. I’m your late-night host this week, here to keep you company after sundown. Welcome to Night Vale.
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As you regular listeners already know, I took over the night shifts this week because I’ve been spending my days with a very special houseguest...
2020-06-02 21:29:22 +0000 UTC View PostA friendly desert community, where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead, while we lay open eyed, watching it all. Welcome to Night Vale.
The City Council reiterated for the 1,874th consecutive day that the Dog Park is off limits for both dogs and humans. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous etc. Hooded figures and all that. Since its construction we...
2020-06-02 21:28:31 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with Brie Williams)
If you see something crawling across your floor in the dark, don’t worry. It’s probably just a tarantula.
Welcome to Night Vale.
Listeners, in this fast paced world of community radio and local news, I think we’ve lost sight of the truly important thing. The individuals who make up our diverse community. So today, I want to try out a new...
2020-06-02 21:27:51 +0000 UTC View PostCECIL: I once was lost, but now am fine with that. Welcome to Night Vale.
STEVE: First I wanted to say that there are glowing arrows in the sky. You can’t see them even though you should. I can see them.
There are dotted lines and arrows and circles. The sky is a chart that explains the entire world. For reference I printed up this diagram on posterboard. Notice the arrows here, which cu...
2020-06-02 21:26:27 +0000 UTC View PostHUNTOKAR: This is a story about Huntokar, said a voice on the radio. A voice you had never heard before, though she has been speaking to you your whole life.
I am Huntokar, the destroyer. You have already been destroyed, you just don’t know it yet.
Once, long before this sorrowful now, there was only the Mudwomb. We gods waiting to be born. The Woman From Italy. The Distant Prince....
2020-06-02 21:26:07 +0000 UTC View PostThere's a billboard along the highway that reads "Everything Must Go." Welcome to Night Vale.
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I don't talk much about my brother on this show. Cal. He visited the other day, from his home out near Eagle Farm, up in the mountains.
He looked gaunt and pale. When I opened the door, he was bracing himself against the porch beam with one arm and coughing.
Cal was holding a sui...
2020-06-02 21:25:44 +0000 UTC View PostThe best strategy for a labyrinth is to put one hand on a wall and follow that hand around until you reach the exit. The second best strategy is screaming. Welcome to Night Vale
We start with our lead story, the faint popping that people have been hearing under the earth. It sounds like the Mole People are making popcorn in huge numbers, but everyone knows that Mole People are deathly allergic t...
2020-06-02 21:25:17 +0000 UTC View PostWhy do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Tell me more about your special bird powers. Welcome to Night Vale.
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It's been a long couple of weeks, as the city-wide emergency sirens that signal illegal public acknowledgement of angels have been blaring almost non-stop. But, in spite of these archaic laws, I've been shouting "YOU'RE AN ANGEL" at beings who look like angels and...
2020-06-02 21:24:53 +0000 UTC View PostIf you could press a button that would give you a great deal of money, but it would cause someone you don’t know in a distant part of the world to die, then you would have a good model for how our current economy works. Welcome to Night Vale.
To start off: the story that everyone is talking about. In the interest of the common good, I feel I must report to you what happened at the Smithwick ho...
2020-06-02 21:20:53 +0000 UTC View PostI know you are, but what am I? What am I? What am I? What. Am. I. Welcome to Night Vale.
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I should start today with something happy. In his speech yesterday honoring the life of Old Woman Josie, Larry Leroy, out on the edge of town, and Josie's closest neighbor, told a story about his pickup breaking down a few years ago. Josie had stopped on the roadside to help him push the o...
2020-06-02 21:01:54 +0000 UTC View PostWe make money the old fashioned way: we chemically convert lead into gold. Welcome to Night Vale.
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The Night Vale Tourism Board announced that after 12 years of Superfund Site Cleanup, Ash Beach reopened today to the public.
The Tourism Board's new brochure shows a young, happy family having a picnic lunch and wearing Respirator Masks, building ash castles and flying kites...
2020-06-02 21:01:16 +0000 UTC View PostLook at it from the raindrop's point of view. Welcome to Night Vale
Yesterday, of course, was Valentine’s Day, our first in four years. After that last Valentine’s Day, which destroyed much of Night Vale and left many innocent victims buried under piles of rubble and candy hearts, the city government built a large concrete dome over the Hallmark Store in the mini-mall downtown, thus keeping ...
2020-06-02 21:00:51 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with Brie Williams)
You are swimming distance from a shore you cannot see. If you choose the wrong direction, you will drown. If you do not make a decision, you will drown. Welcome to Night Vale.
Despite an extensive public outreach campaign, there is still some confusion over which items are accepted at the new landfill facility that opened this fall in the Barista di...
2020-06-02 21:00:33 +0000 UTC View PostIf you get Patreon notifications of Night Vale posts, I apologize in advance for today's bombardment. We're updating our Patreon to include episode transcripts dating back to Aug 2016. We want to provide this service for those unable to listen, or who have difficulty listening, to our podcast.
The transcripts are public and do not require a Patreon membership. So if you or someone y...
2020-06-02 21:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostCECIL: I know many of you have a few things you’d like to say. So let me start things off. Welcome to Night Vale.
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LEONARD: Hi folks, Leonard Burton here, host of Night Vale Community Radio. Or I was, once. I’m…not anymore.
Anyway, I appeared suddenly at this microphone holding a champagne flute, so I suppose I must ...
2020-06-02 20:55:57 +0000 UTC View PostHere comes the sun. Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun. It does not stop. Welcome to Night Vale.
To start today's show, I wanted to talk a bit about our indomitable radio intern, Kareem. He's become such a talented reporter working here at the station. Kareem told me this morning that he had written to his family back in his home state of Mitchigan to tell them about all the rec...
2020-06-02 20:55:21 +0000 UTC View PostThose who remember history are also doomed to repeat it. Welcome to Night Vale.
Despite the best efforts of Hadassah McDaniels and her team of five headed dragon lawyers, her brother, Hiram McDaniels, is scheduled to be executed today for his crimes against state and city. City government promises that by the end of this broadcast, Hiram McDaniels will be dead. Well.
Night Vale’s executi...
2020-06-02 20:54:56 +0000 UTC View PostWhy do birds appear every time you are near? It's likely they planted a tracking device on you. Welcome to Night Vale.
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Listeners, I've been thinking about Old Woman Josie a lot lately. She broke her hip a couple months ago and has been recovering at home with her daughter, Alondra, as well as several beings named Erika, whom Josie refers to as angels.
It's illegal to ackn...
2020-06-02 20:54:27 +0000 UTC View PostYou are statistically likely. Welcome to Night Vale
Today negotiations began between the representatives of the five headed dragons, led by Hadassah McDaniels and her team of lawyers, in an attempt to save her brother and fellow five headed dragon, Hiram, from execution. He is charged with the attempted murder of mayor Dana Cardinal and the attempted overthrow of city government.
We ...
2020-06-02 20:53:53 +0000 UTC View PostIt is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a cursed talisman must be in want of a hex reversal. Welcome to Night Vale.
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CECIL: Night Vale, we have a special treat for you today. Joanna Rey, head zookeeper at the Night Vale Zoo joins us live in studio. She's also brought in several animals for us to see. Since this is radio, if you are not a telepath, or ...
2020-06-02 20:53:15 +0000 UTC View Post[sound moves toward right channel through this opening, ending completely on the right]
It’s all right. All right. Allll right. Aaaaaaalllll right. Welcome to Night Vale
Listeners, your headphones are not malfunctioning. (I assume you are wearing headphones, as instructed by that Sheriff’s Secret Police Mandate last week. This was for your protection and safety, and also to boost headp...
2020-06-02 20:52:42 +0000 UTC View PostFind it in your heart. You’ll need to break past the ribs and then scoop it out. But it’s in there and you need to find it. Quickly. Welcome to Night Vale.
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To start the news today, there's a bake sale this Saturday afternoon at Night Vale Elementary. This is to raise money for a new sculpture to honor the great contributions made by the current School Board President: The Glow Cl...
2020-06-02 20:52:17 +0000 UTC View PostWhich came first? The chicken, the egg, or airplanes? Welcome to Night Vale
Hello Listeners. This week is National Alternate History Week, in which we celebrate our rich history that could have happened if what actually happened didn’t happen. The Night Vale Historical Society sorts through the local submissions, and the best story gets placed into the elementary school curriculum. It’s a fu...
2020-06-02 20:51:44 +0000 UTC View Post(co-written with James Moran)
Do not bite the hand that feeds you. Grab it first, take the keys, set yourself free, THEN bite the hand and run. Welcome to Night Vale.
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Exciting news for rail enthusiasts, and fans of punctuality - the 12:37 train to Red Mesa has arrived, on time, at Night Vale station. Sort of on time. Night Vale has not had a train station or tra...
2020-06-02 20:49:59 +0000 UTC View Post
An old man sits on the steps of the old General Store whistling a lonesome tune.
Weather: “Embroidery Stars” by Carrie Elkin http://carrieelkin.com/
Black Lives Matter. Donate where you can to support social justice initiatives: 2020-06-01 04:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Welcome to "Before They Were Night Vale", our feature in which Night Vale creators Jeffrey and Joseph share writing from before their Welcome to Night Vale collaboration, along with commentary. Come explore their early writing, both good and bad.
Joseph: Today we take a look at one of my earliest short stories. I have a file of my writing that I have transferred from compu...
2020-05-29 22:57:07 +0000 UTC View Post
It's time for the Final Sacrifice! Jeffrey Cranor and Cecil Baldwin watched Children of the Corn II, and they have THOUGHTS.
Livestream begins at 7pm ET tonight, Tuesday May 26.
2020-05-26 22:13:06 +0000 UTC View PostTuesday, May 26 @ 7pm ET (link: https://www.patreon.com/posts/37562493)
Jeffrey Cranor and Cecil Baldwin continue their dive into randomly selected horror movies. This week, they break free from the critically-acclaimed, academically-renowned films of the past few weeks and watch Ch...
2020-05-25 15:41:00 +0000 UTC View Post