tedsteel

2.33 - Go For the Corner

33.

We got into position for the second half. The crowd had visibly diminished. I hoped they were inside somewhere, buying beers, and hadn't fucked off home.

"Best!" Caveman was yelling at me.

I spread my arms. What?

"That's not the plan!"

Instead of being in the central DM slot, I was loitering out on the right wing. I was running one of my famous scams. ...

2.32 - Kettering Town

32.

Friday 2 December

On Friday morning we did a light training session, just loosening up and going through the match plans one last time.

I ate in the canteen and really had a lot of questions about it. The food was the same as the day before, even though we had a match scheduled for that night. I didn't know much about being a professional, but I knew I wasn't supposed to e...

2.31 - Here Endeth the Lesson

31.

Sunday felt like climbing out of a hole. First, I got a lunchtime text from Emma. Just a light kind of 'checking in' message. I responded in kind. I guessed that Gemma had told Emma what she'd seen, and that while I was bonkers, I wasn't bonking women left, right, and centre. So Emma was trying to stay friends or whatever and was no longer mad at me. I didn't really need an...

2.30 - Yellow Cards

30.

I paused as Henri opened a car door for me. "Enchanté," I said.

"I'm opening the door for Gemma. You get in the front."

"Why?"

"Because you're a professional footballer and we're going to be driving for two hours."

I didn't really understand what he was talking about. "What?"

"Being scrunched up in cars is bad for your hamstrings. The...

2.29 - Poking the Bear

29.

The coach pulled over. The rest of the first team craned their necks in baffled amazement as I stepped off and got cozy at a random bus stop on Princess Parkway. I felt a bit odd wearing my Darlo hoodie and clutching my Darlo kit bag not all that far from my house in Moss Side. From the back seats, the cavemen gave me dead, flat looks. I blanked them; I'd already poked that bear enoug...

2.28 - All Out Attack

28.

"Well played, Webby, lad," Cutter called out, and gave the guy a pat on the back as he left the pitch.

That was my answer, then. Cutter needed me more than I needed him.

I strolled over to the far side of the pitch and waited for someone to pass to me.

***

Hereford were well up for the game. There were a lot of 7s in their match ratings, and a couple...

2.27 - Monkey Island

27.

Henri's bed was so incredibly comfortable and I was so terribly fatigued that I overslept. I jumped out of bed and zoomed to training. To save three seconds, I even left my kit bag on the dressing room bench for the first time since Captain Caveman's Wet Welcome.

Fortunately, Henri's house was so close and the roads were so clear that I entered the meeting room for the weekly pl...

2.26 - Holy Moses

26.

While I was touching a couple of fingers to my neck to see how fast my pulse was going, a couple of young women approached our table. White, thin, fake tan, high-waisted jeans, big hoopy earrings. One's neck was bare, the other wore two different necklaces. Now that I was spending most of my time with tall, powerful footballers, these women seemed hilariously tiny. They mad...

2.25 - Copa Mundial

25.

I read through the perk - twice - then looked at James. "Would you like to help me with a project?"

"Oh. Yes. Probably. What is it?"

"Two things. One. You're a big movie buff and you like Bible stuff. I've often thought of writing a screenplay. Maybe one where there's a guy who's made enemies with a demon. Maybe you could find out what the Bible says about killi...

2.24 - Timing

24.

So much of football is about timing.

Egypt are due to play in the first World Cup, but miss their connecting ship to Uruguay. If only they'd arrived, they might have won, and people might have taken African football more seriously in the subsequent hundred years.

Lucas Digne signs for Everton. He loves it and the fans love him. Things go smoothly until he falls ...

2.23 - Whoever Has Will Be Given More

[Triple. Chapter. Triple chapter. Again!]

23.

I knocked on the door of a shitty terraced house in north Manchester. If you don't know what a terraced house is, don't imagine a place with 2,000 football fans living on the side - it's not that kind of terrace. I think in some countries they're called row houses. You might remember that I used to live in one. That w...

2.22 - No Backsies

22.

Alfy took the kick off and had a little go at us. Trying to get a quick equaliser. I shuffled and slid and kept the shape. I even sprinted to help Colin, the prick, out of a jam.

All the while, I thought about my ideal next steps. The absolute dream would probably be for me to score the second goal, really whip up the fans, and then... Then what? There would come a po...

2.21 - A New Light

[Triple length chapter! Grab TWO coffees!]

21.

Guys slapped each other as I walked through the changing room. Get a load of this!

Dudes got out of my way as I slammed open the doors to the outside world. Oh my God, what happened to him?

I walked across the pitch towards David Cutter, manager of Darlington Football Club.

I say w...

2.20 - Managing Expectations

20.

Dirt. Dirt and decay. Dirt, decay, and debris.

Sweat. Stale sweat, the stink of sweat, dried sweat, sweaty beanbags, discarded sweaters, bags of socks both sweaty and discarded.

Boys. Teenage boys, teenage men. Belch, burp, hack, spit, cough, fart, drip, drool, scratch, repeat.

A woman comes to tidy, to clean, to rub, to bleach. King Canute goes to shore and instruct...

Player Manager: The Audiobook

I don't listen to many audiobooks myself because I fall asleep, wake up to hear who the killer is, then go back to chapter 2 and find the whole thing is ruined.

But 50% of the comments I see on Facebook LitRPG groups and Reddit are 'that book sounds cool but is there an audio version?'

So in the interests of letting more people enjoy Player Manager, I started looking into making an ...

2.19 - Jam Tomorrow

19.

Wednesday, 16th November

I was first onto the training pitch again, getting my day off to a good start by smacking free kicks at goal. 5 right foot, collect the balls, have a think. 5 left foot, collect, think. It was a good rhythm. I could have taken a whole bag of balls but then I would have only been shooting and not reflecting.

That morning I was reflecting ...

2.18 - Whitby Town

18.

I had a hearty lunch in the staff canteen - apparently it was the done thing to load up on carbs the day before a match. The goalies were great company but were puzzled that I had chosen not to take a shower after the session. They kept ribbing me about it until I announced that while I didn't mind the joke, we were wasting valuable time where they could be teaching me abou...

2.17 - Top Gear

17.

I demanded the minivan keys from a very, very reluctant Pat.

"I'll drive you, lad. Where are you off ta?"

"Please hand over the keys, Pat."

"You're not insured!"

"The keys if you please." He dropped them into my palm. "My boots and shinpads are in the shower. Please leave them there."

"What?" He seemed dismayed, not by the news, but by my reque...

2.16 - Digs

16.

Football glossary: Digs. Digs are cheap, shared accommodation owned or run by a football club for use by their junior players.

***

At around 6, Henri kicked us out. That is to say, he kicked me out, and then he kicked Emma out. I waited for him to do the same to Gemma, but he must have forgotten she was there.

With a grin, I shook hands with my new client,...

2.15 - The Fast Track

15.

There was a minor logistics issue. Because I'd walked to the restaurant and Henri had arrived in his impractical two-seated Lotus Seven, he would have to drive me to my car, and then I'd go back to the restaurant and drive the ladies to the stadium. Henri, of course, wanted to do it in a more complicated way.

"We will both drive back here and take one woman each. I ch...