Darth Baby
As we’re all stuck home not allowed to go to brunches or breakfasts at pretty cafes or anywhere but into our DEEPEST DARKEST FEARATORIUMS, I thought I would share with everyone of every tier an extra recipe for this month. It is a breakfast food, but it is also a dessert. It is egg-heavy, but light on flour, which is the hardest thing to get in A...
2020-04-01 16:31:44 +0000 UTC View Post
Greetings, all you who are dear and darling and distant.
It hardly matters what the first cough of spring feels like in Maine right now. Did it snow? I suppose. Did the snow stay? Not for long. I suppose it’s cold. I suppose it’s bare. I suppose there is mud without flowers, and red birds without sun. But I look out the window and I don’t see any of it. And I certainly don’t...
2020-03-31 21:03:08 +0000 UTC View PostHey, everyone! This is the revival of the monthly community discussion post WHICH I THINK WE COULD ALL USE RIGHT NOW.
Come on in! No social distancing in the comments! All surfaces sanitized and sparkling! Plenty of room to play with your friends!
Ok now I'm just depressing myself. I wanna go outside.
How are all of you holding up? Got flour? Got company? Got hope for the futu...
2020-03-31 18:50:58 +0000 UTC View PostHello, darlings.
The essay will be up tomorrow along with an extra bonus recipe for those stuck at home trying to figure out what to cook. And I’m working on putting together that poetry collection for you guys! April will be a rewards-heavy month, yo.
In the meantime, I’ve decided to read from what amounts to my first novel, The Orphan’s Tales, every nig...
2020-03-30 22:35:03 +0000 UTC View PostIt's been three years this month since I began this Patreon.
In that time, I've posted so much here, and made connections with so many of you, and been able to do so much (including creating a human child) because of your support.
I say it so often, but especially in this massively difficult and uncertain time for all of us, gratitude isn't a big enough word. Not only your pat...
2020-03-23 14:34:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Craccoli
Like a lot of these recipes, this one is not technically mine, but I’ve made my own little alterations to it. This one belongs to my sister-in-law.
Whenever there’s a family potluck get together thing, everyone says excitedly OMG MIRANDA IS BRINGING HER BROCCOLI BETTER BE FAST
To which I hear you say: what? Broccoli? No one has ever b...
2020-03-23 14:17:11 +0000 UTC View Post
I'm going live in 20, grab your popcorn, your festive drink, and your questions! See you soon! The link is up there on my big dumb mug and you can have it open in a tab, it'll start broadcasting when I click go.
2020-03-22 23:10:59 +0000 UTC View PostHello, my loves. Everybody holding up ok?
I’m going to be doing the livestream tonight at 7:30pm EST. This one will be open to the public to watch, since everyone could use a little distraction right now. Hope that’s all right.
There’s still time to get questions in, and I suspect a big fat glass of wine is going to be my co-host. Remember that you can as...
2020-03-22 15:28:43 +0000 UTC View PostHey, everyone.
Sooo...what’s up with you?
JK we all know what’s up with all of us. We are heading into uncharted territory, personally and economically and in all ways -ally. Most of us are drawing into our respective snail shells, attempting to weather this as best we can. I’m no different, except that we’ve gotten stuck in Australia in the middle of t...
2020-03-17 02:21:24 +0000 UTC View PostWhat am I working on this month? Literally the thirteenth version of the first third of this damn middle grade novel, which you read an old first chapter of months ago. Figuring out how to start this thing has eaten me fully alive and I hate everything, but I think I have it now. I hope so anyway. So this is the new beginning, and fuck me but I don't even think the protagonist has the same name...
2020-03-11 10:18:52 +0000 UTC View Post
Two Pies, Both Alike in Dignity
When I go to visit friends, I often cook for them. I LIKE TO. I PACK UNIQUE BAKING TINS.
This time, one of my old favorites was requested, a pie we often call Alternate Win Condition Pie. That is because every single goddamned time I make this pie, I FUCK IT UP. I forget some ingredient or step or WHATEVER and I have made...
2020-02-18 17:52:52 +0000 UTC View Post
Greetings, dear ones. It’s cold and rubbish over here HOW BOUT YOU? That’s all you can really say about January in New England. January, the worst month. The hangover of months. The month with crap weather, no holidays to look forward to beyond reading someone you thought was more or less okay being racist on the internet about MLK day, sitting there pissed off under a pile of th...
2020-01-22 21:14:09 +0000 UTC View Post
Meyer Lemon Maple Brown Butter Madeleines
What can I say, the baby loves madeleines. We kept him mostly off the sugar sauce until he turned one, and now we’ve been introducing some low-key baked goods, and madeleines vanish into him instantaeously. It’s possible he just teleports them from the kitchen into his pack and play, I can’t be sure. So I decide...
2020-01-15 16:22:18 +0000 UTC View Post
In Lieu of Title, Please Picture Jeremy Piven Yelling TEN YEARS in Grosse Pointe Blank
Greetings, my darlings.
It is the end of the year. It is the end of the decade. I’m not even quite sure how to feel about that. The whole 2000s feel like one long decade; I don’t remember thinking too much about the 00s e...
2019-12-16 18:16:22 +0000 UTC View Post
Roasted Carrot-Herb Salad
I’m just going to admit up front that I DEAD-ASS STOLE this recipe from Maria Dahvana-Headley. Two years ago I went to a writers’ retreat she organized and she made it for all of us and it was so amazing that I begged for the recipe. That recipe, as with all great cooks, was mostly vague and all measurements were in “hand...
2019-12-11 19:18:01 +0000 UTC View PostExtra Special Bonus Content Time!
Several people have requested my new Baa Baa Black Sheep verses, which are already canon around my house.
I'm working with a friend to pitch this as a picture book, so hopefully this is an epic preview to a future baby classic. Fingers crossed!
Baa Baa Black Sheep: The Secret Verses
Baa Baa ...
2019-12-03 17:31:06 +0000 UTC View Post
Today is launch day for Minecraft: The End!
It's been a long crazy road since I took this improbable job, mostly because I thought it would be funny. It's the last job anyone would think I'd take, and t...
2019-12-03 15:27:25 +0000 UTC View PostHi everyone! The YouTube Livestream will go up at 7 pm EST! Join me in the chat and let's share the dark autumn night together.
#thankyoupatrons
2019-11-19 23:39:19 +0000 UTC View Post
Today is #ThankyouPatronsDay. We are meant to post special content and thank our patrons for supporting us.
Special content? Check. Stay tuned for the end of this post.
Thanking you?
My god, how?
There isn't enough pumpkin pie in the world to thank you all for what you've done for me and my family. Being here month after month, patient when I faltered, excited w...
2019-11-19 15:58:22 +0000 UTC View Post
Love in the Time of Nanowrimo
Greetings, fellow travelers on the mad and lonesome road!
The road is muddy and frozen and nasty at the moment. Along with an unseasonable nor’easter that left us out of power with a ruined roof, we’ve broken a thirty year record for early cold in November SO THAT’S FANTASTIC. It leaves us with a weird view out the wi...
2019-11-18 17:17:19 +0000 UTC View Post
CAKE SHAKE MISTAAAAKE
It’s only a mistake if you ate literally anything else that day. Or have issues with dairy. Or conspicuous consumption.
I’m not gonna say I invented this because I didn’t. There’s restaurants and such that serve it. My chef brother took a look at a cake I made and said: you should blend that shit up with ice cream ...
2019-11-14 18:21:32 +0000 UTC View PostPatreon is implementing a new app that will function basically like a dedicated Discord (with a tipping function) for this group.
Well, I’ll try anything once!
Right now, I’m keeping it open to all Patrons, and we’ll see how much we do or don’t enjoy it. My Throne (not a crazy fan of that name real talk) name is the same as it is here, catvalente, download the app and we...
2019-10-24 00:02:11 +0000 UTC View Post
Back when Space Opera came out, we absolutely planned to have band t-shirts and such ready to go. People instantly started asking for them and we just got snowed under by the outpouring of attention for the book, my pregnancy, and the imminent kid.
But now, thanks to my amazing designer friend Kris McDermott, Decibel Jones and the Absolute Zeroes finally have their own merch table! (I'm e...
2019-10-23 15:16:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Greetings, Mad Fictioneers! It’s autumn and that means I suddenly have nasty-ass heating oil bills and nothing is as attractive as staying in bed forever and everyone literally refuses to eat anything not pumpkin-spiced and also I fucked up my elbow on a truly Marvel-movie scale so I can barely function yaaaay! For those of you who haven’t followed my super graceful saga on Twitt...
2019-10-06 20:25:12 +0000 UTC View PostBefore I write this month's essay, I'd like to ask what you guys would like to hear me talk about! It's been awhile since I checked in and in that time I've written a number of quite personal essays that revolve around writing but edge more into general thoughtful musings. So I'd like to make sure I'm calibrating to your needs and interests a bit.
Please leave a comment letting me know wh...
2019-10-01 18:19:07 +0000 UTC View Post
West African Peanut Curry with Pink Sumac-Infused Rice Pilaf
I’ve been wanting to play around with this recipe for ages, ever since it showed up in The Good Place as Chidi’s favorite dish his grandmother used to make. Now that my favorite show’s final season has begun, it seemed as good a time as any to finally do it, and I had guests to cook f...
2019-10-01 17:40:28 +0000 UTC View Post
I made this video to celebrate Sebastian's first year of life on earth. We decided it felt pretty personal and familial, so I didn't want to post it on social media at large.
But the thing is, without you guys, we would never have been able to afford to have this baby and give him all the things he needs. You've been part of our family, keeping house and heart together through al...
2019-10-01 16:56:01 +0000 UTC View PostHey guys! Here’s your monthly free discussion post, a place to get to know each other, vent, chat, whatever you like—it’s your space!
What’s up with you folks?
2019-09-22 22:07:32 +0000 UTC View Post
Greetings, darlings. It is September, which means it has been almost an entire year since I made a human, which is pure madness and time is both stupid and fake. It also means the crowds on the island will slightly thin as they realize there’s like six weeks left till the pretty leaf time so they might as well go back to their other homes and work or something. I feel like I missed...
2019-09-03 15:46:33 +0000 UTC View Post