1900HOTDOG

Punching Day: Steven Seagal's World of Warships 🌭

Steven Seagal has done a number of hasty, ill-advised commercials that were not a good match for his brand, which is something along the lines of “Internet Tough Guy Without the Internet.” But his appeara...

Learning Day: How To Be Cool 🌭

Godless nerds, listen: for only $7.99 you can own a book containing all the secrets of being cool. This guide on being cool was published in 2018 and it's called...

2020-08-10 15:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post

Upsetting Day: Dog Police 🌭

Hello, I am here to talk to you about the music video for the song Dog Police by the band Dog Police off the album Dog Police. There may or may not be some Dog Police involved in this discussion. It’s best ...

Fucking Day: Linnea Quiqley's Horror Workout 🌭

Workout videos are known for often over-promising results, but when Linnea Quigley's workout video warns that it might kill you, it delivers. The fifty-nine-minute workout only features about twenty minutes o...

Nerding Day: ThunderCats Live! 🌭

In the 1980s, when spirits were almost as high as TV executives, every stupid concept got its own cartoon, from literal cowboys to eight types of Smurf. And every one of those dumb cartoons got their very own...

Punching Day: The Penetrator 🌭

There's a popular book series called THE PENETRATOR, who is sort of like if the Scottsdale police tried to make their own James Bond out of plumber DNA. The books are so short and readable that two PENETRATOR...

Learning Day: Terminal Madness 🌭

Terminal Madness was a mini-documentary about computers released in 1980, when basically nobody cared about computers. It was made in and for Madison, Wisconsin, where basically nobody cared about co...

Upsetting Day: Beanie Baby Stories 🌭

From a certain point of view, Beanie Baby® Stories is a book filled with "Heartwarming stories for Beanie Baby® lovers of all ages," but there may have been no hobby more alien to human be...

Fucking Day: Angela Lansbury's Positive Moves 🌭

Recently I, like so many others, had my high contact workout routine interrupted by COVID-19. I used to get exercise by lifting attractive women over my head like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Now...

Nerding Day: The Mighty Foes of Iron Fist 🌭

The Netflix show Iron Fist was about a billionaire kung fu master who did mostly stupid, boring things and couldn't fight for shit. This wasn't exactly a faithful adaptation of the comic book where he's so good at fighting, but only against weirdly helpless idiots. Welcome, reader, to...

Punching Day: True Crime Magazine Ads 🌭

Men! Manly Men! Now that I have your attention, ladies and Macho Men interested in Meaty Manliness, I’d like to put forth my thesis statement: Men were at ...

Learning Day: How to Dominate Women 🌭

Today on Learning Day, we're looking at a book called How to Dominate Women. Regular 1900hotdoggers might be asking, "How to Dominate Women? Why isn't this book being looked at on Fucking Da...

Not Upsetting Day: The Podcast Launch! 🌭

Heads up, Hot Dog enthusiasts: We’ve got big news! Today is not Upsetting Day! We scheduled this announcement ironically, like calling a big guy “Tiny,” or Joe Rogan “sexually viable....

Fucking Day: The Hunk Boat? 🌭

Pick two words to describe yourself. Ha, I can do it in three: THE HUNK BOAT.

2020-07-23 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post

Nerding Day: Symphogear 🌭

I wish I could have friends who love me more than they love schoolwork and boys put together. I wish I could find an enchanted hairband that signifies I’ve been chosen as the new Avatar of Aphrodite. And I ...

Punching Day: My Life's Fight 🌭

In the 1900hotdog library, there are countless books made up of total bullshit, sometimes because the author was a lying grifter and other times because they were a stupid failure. This bo...

Learning Day: How To Manifest Your Desires 🌭

I want a lot of things: safety and security for my family, a fulfilling and rewarding career, an enormous and profane cannon with which I can revenge myself upon my enemies. The problem is getting them. I hav...

Ceto's New Friends 🌭

Fuck this nightmare book. Hi, I'm the Internet's Seanbaby, handsome humorist from beloved comedy website 1900hotdog.com, and I'm telling you right now CETO'S NEW FRIENDS is, without question...

Fucking Day: The Chermen 🌭

An “All-Cher production of Westside Story” seems like one of those thin Saturday Night Live sketches they only air after the second musical performance. It sounds like-

2020-07-16 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post

Nerding Day: Birdman Theatre, Episode 0001 🌭

In 1967, Birdman debuted on Saturday morning TV. He was powered by the sun, written by confused idiots, and brought to life by even more confused foreign animators. As a nerd of some renow...

Punching Day: Exiles 🌭

Malibu Comics was a short-lived imprint in the 1990s that acted as a sort of comic book Drain Trap -- a stagnant place you could dump your worst ideas to keep them from rising up and poisoning the rest of the...

Learning Day: How to Be a Way Cool Grandfather 🌭

"Rad, Dad, that's bad!" my 10-year-old grandson exclaimed. Those are the opening words to 1996's HOW TO BE A WAY COOL GRANDFATHER. Verne Steen had handed a homemade toy to his grands...

Upsetting Day: Damsel Fetish 🌭

I delve into troublesome YouTube channels like dwarves dig into the accursed earth. It’s not a matter of if my meddling will uncover a monster, but when, and how many subsc...

Fucking Day: How to Solve Your Sex Problems With Self-Hypnosis 🌭

Some time before The Secret but after Giving an Innocent Child's Blood to Aruk, sorcerers interested in personal growth used something called self-hypnosis. It's basically telling yourself what you w...

Nerding Day: SuperBook 🌭

When I first moved out on my own, I was so poor I couldn’t afford both cable TV and Pabst. It was clear that cable had to go. Also food. Sometimes rent. I lived just a few blocks from my local Christian Bro...

Punching Day: How to Protect Yourself & Survive 🌭

In 1979, the streets feared only one thing: author Sidney Filson. She wrote HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF & SURVIVE: from one woman to another which made all other books look like frivolous ...

Learning Day: Jack Horkheimer - Star Hustler 🌭

Jack Horkheimer: Star Hustler was a PBS mini-show about amateur stargazing, and not an obscenely pornographic science fiction rock opera. Not until I finish writing it, anyway. 

2020-07-06 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post

Reflecting Day: Meet Our New Conservative Mormon Content Strategist 🌭

Greetings 1900HOTDOG,

My name is Topper Goodmeadow, and I have been the Assistant Content Strategist for all promotional material related to Tyson Dinosaur Fun Nuggets for the past ten years. When I ans...

Upsetting Day: Death Wish 3 🌭

The Most Important Sequence In Cinema History?

If asked to name the most important sequence in cinema history, most scholars fall back on the old standbys: That part in RoboCop where RoboCop shoots that guy in the penis. That part in The Killer where ...

Fucking Day: The Dirt Bike Kid 🌭

Good morning. I have come to you today with a simple task, unadorned by superfluous arguments and tangential frivolity. I aim to prove the following: In the 1985 movie, The Dirt Bike Kid, director Ho...