A Mother’s Love Breaks All Barriers

I know it’s silly, but for as long as I can remember, I’ve always dreamed of growing up and becoming a mother. Yeah, I know that doesn't sound like a silly dream, but when you account for the fact I used to be a guy it was back then.

When I was a child my mother was the only family I had. My father wasn’t in the picture, I had no idea if he abandoned us, died, or what the reason was, all I knew was she didn't talk about him because of something bad that happened between them.

Because of that, my only role model was my mother. So I ended up wanting to be just like her, I mean, she was strong independent, and the kindest person I’ve ever known, so it was no wonder I wanted to be like her, I wish everyone was more like her.

I found myself mimicking her all the time. I acted girly all the time, I’d wear cute aprons like hers while she taught me to cook and bake, I’d help her do her hair before she went off to work, and even happily let her style mine all cutely to match.

I’d pick her the prettiest of flowers and she’d put them right into a vase. I’d even help do the dishes and clean the house. I loved everything we did together, and with each thing she seemed to be happier and happier, and our hugs felt warmer and warmer.

I knew that's what I wanted when I was her age. I wanted to be a loving mother and pass on everything she taught me to my own child, but as I got older reality caught up to me. I could indeed be a parent, but I’d never be a mother like mine.

I’d never get to feel the loving connection of caring for a baby inside me for months. Dealing with all the ups and downs that came with being pregnant, then the pain and maricle of delivering the baby and then raising it and watching it grow up.

Because I was born like this, all those things were closed to me, and… it just wasn't fair. I tried for years to push those feelings away and try to make the best of what I had, to be the me that was on the outside, not the one on the inside.

But eventually, my mask cracked and I fell apart. I fell into a dark place, but my loving mother pulled me out of it. With her love and care, I was able to see a therapist and work through my feelings, and when I turned seventeen I started my transition into womanhood.

Transitioning changed everything for me. I didn’t have to pretend to be a man anymore and I got to fully embrace my real self, the one inspired by my mother and all her amazing traits. As I grew I still imagined myself being a mother.

I wanted it so badly, but I had come to terms that it would never be exactly what I wanted, but now that I was older I learned something. My mother loved me unconditionally, how I was convinced, how I was born, and how I wanted to live my life didn’t matter to her, she just loved me.

So It didn't matter if I adopted or had my own baby, I was going to have a baby one day and love her unconditionally because that's what mothers do. I ended up meeting a wonderful woman named Ivy, and we started dating.

I was pretty open about my plans to become a mother one day and that seemed to click with her, as she wanted kids but also wanted to focus on growing her business, so she wanted a partner that wanted a partner that would be okay with being a housewife of sorts.

Less than three years later we got married, and once again my wonderful mother was there for me. She helped me pick a wedding dress and even walked me down the aisle. After our honeymoon, we began talking about having children.

We started signing up for programs that help couples adopt newborns, and we met up with several women, but they ended up falling through. There was always an excuse or reason for the mother to change her mind.

It started to feel like it wasn’t meant to be, which filled up with grief. My dream was so close, yet just out of reach. We were talking about it with my mother one day and she had come up with a solution that neither of us thought about.

We didn’t have to wait for a baby, we could just make one. We weren't sure, yeah Ivy could get knocked up by some random guy, or we could go to a sperm bank, but she wasn't comfortable with either of those, since she only liked women, and didn’t trust random sperm.

My mother then nodded her head. She told us we didn't have to use random sperm as I had stored some before my transition. I had comply forgotten about it. I looked over at Ivy and asked her if this was something she’d like to try.

She was on board and we went off and I got her knocked up. I honestly thought the nine months of pregnancy would be hard on me since I wouldn't be the one who was pregnant, but I was wrong. When the time came it didn't matter, all that mattered was the baby.

I supported my wife every day while she grew our baby, and I held her hand as she gave birth, it was indeed a very painful experience. I never realized how strong Ivy was until she broke three of my fingers and my wrist.

I know some people would be mad that she did that, but it wasn't her fault, and in a strange way, it felt like I was sharing a bit of the experience with her. A few days of recovering and one cast later we brought our little girl home.

When we arrived my mother was waiting for us. She immediately asked to hold our baby, and Ivy handed her off, happy to get a few seconds for a break. I couldn’t hold her while standing up because of my wrist, which my mother saw.

She made a joke about it, asking if it was a rough delivery. I shrugged and said it was a bit painful, but when I looked into her eyes, all the pain was pushed down by all the love I felt for her. My mother looked a bit surprised but smiled.

She said she understood that completely. She then looked down at our baby. She said she was so cute and absolutely perfect. She even pointed out how she looked just like me but with her other mother's eyes.

She then looked back up at me and asked what we had named her. I gave her a big smile and told her. Our baby’s name is Genny, and we named her after my mother. I watched as she looked at me shocked for a few seconds.

She asked me if I was serious and Ivy walked back in and confirmed it. I watched as my mother's face filled with tears all while she had the biggest smile on her face. She asked me why we’d name our baby after her.

We simply told her what I’ve always thought. She was the strongest kindest, bravest most amazing person ever. It was thanks to her that we were here, that we were a family and it was thanks to her that I wanted to be a mother like her.

I hope to spend every day passing on the love and support she gave to me, and I plan to teach her all the things she taught me. My mother continued to cry and I walked over and hugged her. As I hugged her and looked down at Genny, my mother whispered into my ear.

She told me I was going to be a great mother and she was so proud of me, and she was so happy I was finally able to live my dream. I looked up and over at Ivy who was smiling watching us, then back down to Genny.

Yeah, I was living my dream, some things weren't like how I planned as a kid, but I wouldn't change a thing. I love my family, and I love that I’m finally a mother. It was a tough road, but a mother's love breaks all barriers.