I’m Finally The Girl I Was Meant To Be

(Trigger Warning! The story has some dark themes.)

Ever since I was born, I’ve known without a doubt that I was a girl, but life can often be cruel and unfair, and I came into this world bearing a body that did nothing but make me feel wrong and disgusting.

But like most people who feel the way I did, I pushed those feelings down, and much like them, as time went on, my mask started to break and my real self came slipping out. The first time it really happened was when I was three.

My older sister wanted to play dress up. She was only a year older than me, and well our parents didn’t like playing with us, so whenever we wanted to do something we usually did it together. She pulled out a box of costumes and picked out one for each of us.

She chose to be a wizard, and for me, I got the princess dress. She helped me get dressed by putting me into a pair of her underwear, then slipping the dress over my head and zipping it up, and finally attaching the crown to my head.

I felt so amazing! The dress was fluffy and cute, it twirled really well. I felt like a real princess and I acted the part with no problem, and my sister and I played for hours. That is still to this day one of my favorite most vivid childhood memories.

Of course, that day I also got one of my worst childhood memories. Once our parents finally decided to pay attention to us, they found us playing, or more importantly, my father found his son wearing a dress and pretending to be a princess.

He… He started yelling at us, and I started to cry, which only got me hit for not acting like a man. He then… He then cut the dress off of me, along with my sister’s underwear. He cut both to pieces, tossed them in the trash, and spanked me and my sister over and over again.

Our mother just sat there and watched. After our butts were sore, and we had no more tears to cry, my sister was sent to her room and grounded for a month, and my dad forced me outside into the backyard and threw baseballs at me until I understood that I was a boy and should like boy things.

Once midnight came around, I was too exhausted to keep it up, so he just left and went off somewhere to drink himself to sleep. After that, like my sister I was found for a month, and worse than that I wasn't allowed to be alone with my sister.

Though I often found myself wanting to do the things she was doing with her, like baking with Mother, picking out cute clothes, or even painting my nails and styling my hair, I wasn’t allowed to, and for both of our safety, I didn’t even ask.

Those cracks though continued to grow and eventually, the mask broke. That happened when I confessed my strange feelings to my girlfriend at the time. She not only assured me that my feelings were valid and didn’t make me wrong or broken, but she began to teach me how to be a girl.

So from that day forward, I began to wear dresses and wigs, and even do my makeup when I was alone with her. We had disguised my future, and we decided it was best to wait until I was eighteen and moved out to go to college before I came out fully and started being a girl publicly.

Until then, I was okay with only being feminine when I was staying at my girlfriend's, or very rarely when no one was at our house and I could pull out my very well-hidden stash of stuff. I hid it under a loose floorboard that could only be accessed by moving my entire bed, and the carpet it was on.

I also had it set up in a way that would tell me if someone had found it. From there I’d maybe use it once a month because that’s how often I’d get the golden opportunity. Things worked well like that for a while, until one day when my sister came home unexpectedly.

No one was supposed to be home until the next day, but my sister’s plans had been canceled and she came home early. So I had already gotten my wig on, my makeup, did my nails and was wearing a dress.

Now she usually cooked dinner when the mother wasn't around because that was a rule our father had put in place and much like trying to instill in me that I had to be a man, he did the same with her and tried to make her nothing but a submissive housewife.

It was dumb, but quite funny because she loved cooking and was going to school for it, so one day she’d become a head chef at a super fancy restaurant, and not some asshole alcoholic personal servant.

Of course, though that also meant she liked to cook for me, and she knew I was home, so she came to get me to eat dinner with her. I had the door locked which she found strange because I wasn't allowed to have it locked, but I did it just in case when dressed.

Better to be punished for a locked door than to be caught like this. She kept knocking and asking me if I was okay over and over. I could tell she was super worried and I hated making her worry. So I stopped trying to remove everything and opened the door totally fearful of what would happen.

She was a bit shocked, but to my surprise, she was super excited. She barged into my room, closed the door, and asked me about what I was wearing. I confessed everything and told her about how I’d been dressing like this, and about how I’ve always felt like a girl.

She didn't seem surprised and mentioned the day I got caught in the dress. She said she remembered it being quite strange how much I liked it, and she had her suspicions, but because of our father, she never asked me in order to protect me.

She encouraged me to come eat dinner like this, and even though I was worried about our parents coming home I did it, and it turned out to be an amazing night. For the first time, my sister and I felt like real sisters.

I also had a stronger support system from that day, as she always supported me being a girl whenever it was safe to do so, she even attended a party my girlfriend threw for me to celebrate coming out.

As fun as that was though, it led to probably the worst day of my life. We ended up taking photos but agreed not to post them anywhere, at least not until my sister and I both moved out and were free from our parents.

I always kept those photos hidden in a locked photo app that allowed me to change the icon to look like a random game, my sister however didn’t as she truly believed our father wouldn’t snoop through her phone, but he did.

While she slept he took her phone, used facial recognition to unlock it, and went through it, that’s when he found the photo of the party and saw me dressed as a girl. I was woken up that night by him grabbing my feet and dragging me out of bed.

My head hitting the floor was what really woke me up, and when I asked him what was going on, he was just slurring words and saying stuff about being a man, and if I wanted to disgrace god, then he’d send me to hell himself.

That’s when I noticed he had a weapon, and I knew he was planning something bad. I started screaming and that’s when my sister came running out and tried to stop him, but he just hit her into a wall.

He dragged me into the back yard and I was seconds away from what he was planning to do to me when my sister came back with a baseball bat and hit him in the back of the skull with it. He fell to the ground and was twitching as my sister grabbed me and brought me to her car.

As we walked, we passed by our mother who didn’t look phased at all, just utterly dead inside. My sister grabbed my phone, called the cops and we went to my girlfriend's house. The police met us there and we told them what happened.

After that they left, and we didn't hear anything back from them for a few days. When we did, that’s when we learned he had my sister's phone, and he had seen the photos of me, and instead of accepting me, he was planning to kill me.

We also learned that he didn’t make it after being hit in the head, which as bad as he was, still made me sad to hear. We also learned that our mother not only tried to defend what he did but tried to lie and say we planned to kill him.

The evidence didn’t support that though, so she settled with telling everyone she knew that her kids got away with murdering her husband. So that night we lost everything, our stuff, our home, and our parents, but we had each other.

It took a lot of work, both of us went to a ton of therapy, but we made it out the other end better than before. Early on we moved in together and she supported me in becoming a girl, and I supported her with the grief of what she did and helped her push through finishing her degree.

A few years after the incident she graduated and was hired right away at the restaurant of her dreams in a big city in our state. So she moved into the city and I moved in with my girlfriend until I finished my degree.

Once I did, my girlfriend and I moved closer to her, as I got a decent tech design job nearby. From there the two of us built and grew our lives. In the years that followed my sister got married and had two children, and also got promoted to head chef at her restaurant/

She’s also starting to work on opening up her own restaurant, which will be the best in the state, I just know it. I, on the other hand, did set out on my own, me and a couple of guys from my first job joined together and started our own tech company.

We’ve already designed and started selling one of the most powerful and advanced cell phones on the market, and we have many more products coming. Besides that, I did make a lot of changes in my personal life.

After a few years on hormones, I decided to get a few surgeries, from removing my extra parts, making my voice higher, and yes making my chest bigger, and no I don’t think they’re too big, and neither does my wife.

Oh yeah, I got married as well, to the very girlfriend who was there for me from the very start. She is the light of my world and the most precious person in my life. I’ll love and cherish her for as long as I live.

I also took her last name, as neither my sister nor I wanted anything more to do with it. It felt really good to get rid of it, and I couldn't stop giggling when people used my new name. Other than all that, our lives have just been peaceful and happy.

Although, my wife and I have been talking about having kids, so that seems like the next big thing to happen to me, and I couldn't be happier. It took a while and a lot of grief, fear, confusion, love, and hope, but I was finally the girl I was meant to be, and in the end, I’m happier than ever, and I'm proud to be myself.