Humor Chapter: LitRPG Con was LIT, Isekai, Chapter 1

First, an intro to this idea. There was a fire at the hotel for LitRPG Con in Denver. Everyone's fine, but it woke us up on Saturday night, the hotel was full of smoke, and we stood outside for like 3 hours. Apparently a light bulb burst in a linen closet on Floor 27, which then caught everything on fire.

This obviously put the LIT in LitRPG, and jokes ensued.

Shawn Wilson (of Ultimate Level 1 and other books) started a RoyalRoad joke story about 420 authors and fans getting isekaied due to the fire.

It's over here: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/125795/lit-rpg-is-lit-2025-a-mass-isekai-of-authors-and

Blurb: "It was a marvelous con. The best LitRPG con there ever was.

It was so lit, it actually caught on fire.

Now 420 fans and authors find themselves in the greatest dream of every LitRPG follower.

A mass isekai. Who will Min / Max? Who Will get titles? Who will die? (well everyone of course).

This is meant to be fun and will have input and feedback from a few other authors. Chapters will come as I write them, others write theirs, and we play with the event that took place at LitRPG Con 2025"

Shawn Wilson wrote Chapter 1. Sean Hall added Chapter 2.

Here's my chapter addition, which is Chapter 3, not that you really need to read them in order.
***

The hotel was filled with fire and the ceiling crashed down in chunks around us.

Through the opening, I saw a titan-sized demon covered in metallic scales rip the hole wider. It threw chunks of the building behind it into an ocean of flames as it tried to squeeze through the gap.

Above it, the rest of the hotel was slowly dissolving into an ever-widening spiral of light, one that looked like it would dissolve everything.

Hundreds of us stared at the sight and then at the goddess who had apparently come to isekai us. 

She stood there, glowing with charisma and magic, as portals flared to life behind her. Four hundred and twenty of them, one for everyone.

“I offer you a new life, filled with magic and...” Her words were haloed with golden light, which might have been a result of her charisma.

Her prepared speech froze as people rushed toward her, charging straight for the portals before she could finish.

“What are you all doing?!!” she shouted, her words resonating like celestial music. 

Four hundred shouts of “LEERROOYYY” answered her as everyone charged through the portals.

Except me.

“Did you want to finish the speech?” I asked politely, tilting my head to one side. “It looks like you put a lot of work into it.”

“You...aren’t going to rush through like the others?” she asked, looking puzzled but perhaps a touch relieved.

“I’m waiting for the cut scene to end first,” I replied. “It never makes sense to skip the tutorial.”

“You think this is...what?” she looked confused. “I think that demon is going to destroy this whole place soon. You probably should go through the portal.”

She pointed at the only one that was left.

“Nah, it’ll be fine,” I said, glancing up at the demon, who seemed to be frozen as we talked. “See? Cut scene. So, what’s the special bonus at the end here if we watch the whole thing?”

“Let me...see what I can do,” she muttered, holding her hand to her forehead. She glanced at me and shook her head. “Actually, I think this was already there.”

Words began to appear in front of me.

Congratulations!

You have discovered an Innate Trait: Time to Think.

You have the blessed (or cursed) ability to pause moments to provide endless internal monologue and description.

You are capable of pulling others into this moment with you.

Use your powers wisely.

“I can live with that,” I agreed. “So about that cut scene?”

“Nevermind,” the goddess said with a sigh as she looked up at the demon, who started moving again. “Just try not to die. I’d appreciate it if you shared the rest of my words with the others. I’ll give you a blessing if you do.”

“Sure,” I agreed. “Give me a memory crystal with it. I’ll show it whenever I find someone.”

A moment later, the goddess handed me a silver sphere that was about four inches across. It glowed with a gentle golden light.

I took a moment to read the contents, including the rest of the goddess’s speech about saving the world, the demon invasion, how the system worked, and how we were the best option she had left.

It looked like we were way down the list, after she’d already gone through a few hundred options of special forces, some ex-mercenary preppers who lived off the grid, the entire Society for Creative Anachronism, and all the school teachers on Earth.

“School teachers?” I asked, feeling curious. “I get the others, but why them?”
“They’re stubborn and bring order to chaos,” she said. Then she glanced over her shoulder where only one portal remained. “Also, they listen to rules better than you all do.”

“Fair enough,” I agreed cheerfully. “So about that boon?”

The goddess waved her hand and a notification appeared in my mind.

You have gained a Blessing: “There’s a Spell For That.”

You are able to innately understand the operation of the World System and know when there’s a magical spell that will solve a problem.

Whether you can cast the spell is a different issue.

Good luck!

I frowned at the words and reached out to swat at the screen, as if I could shake it into something better. 

The words turned staticky and a half-legible second part of the description appeared.

Bonus Effect: Whenever you realize there’s a %(#$ spell for something, but you can’t use it or #()$ someone else refuses to, you feel an urge to run around )#%$ shouting “There’s a spell for that!”

Whether this knowledge is a blessing or a I(#%* curse is up to you.

I swatted at the screen again, but no more static appeared.

“I guess I’m stuck with it,” I muttered. “Seems about right though.”

I’d always had a habit of messing around too much with magical theory. Now, it looked like I was stuck with some form of that knowledge.

I glanced up at the demon, who was busy tearing away the rest of the roof. 

“Isn’t there a spell for that?” I asked the goddess as I pointed up at him. 

“Please leave already...” she said with a sigh. 

“Fine, but I’m pretty sure there’s a spell to get rid of him,” I replied, shrugging slightly. “I know a god who could...”

Without listening to any more of my obviously helpful and completely appropriate feedback, the goddess reached out with a glowing golden hand and shoved me through the last remaining portal.

Starlight and endless kaleidoscopes of colors and darkness swept past me as time stretched out

Before I could think too much about what all of it was, I found myself falling through the sky of a world.

The impact was soft, but I ended up lying face down on a field of long green grass that tickled at my nose.

I had gained a new sense somewhere along the way and I felt the system scanning me. Its presence was an unearthly pressure that threatened to crush my existence to nothing. 

I instinctively tried to duck away from it, but I was unable to escape as I felt it assigning me a class that fit my capabilities.

Notifications flooded my mind.

Congratulations, David North.

You have unlocked the Unique Class: Maybe a Mage.

This Class gains +5 Intelligence, -1 Wisdom, and 5 free attribute points per level.

If your Wisdom ever drops below 10, you will find yourself randomly talking to trees and birds, as well as getting distracted by interesting colors. 

Even if it doesn’t, this effect might occur spontaneously when you’re bored.

“Sounds normal,” I said with a shrug, accepting my fate. “I think there’s a spell for that.”
The second part was so automatic that I didn’t even notice I’d said it.

The class notification continued with a list of new abilities.

You have been granted the following Class Abilities:

Summon Spellbook: 

You are able to summon a mystical spellbook that holds both your own spells and those you copy from the world around you. The book has an endless number of pages, but the more you add, the harder it is to find anything.

Record Spell: 

You have gained the innate ability to record spells from the world around you, whether they are on scrolls, used by others, or in any other medium, including the forces of raw elemental magic. Once learned, they will be added to your spellbook.

Force of Words: 

You are able to stun a target with your words, but the effect relies on saying things that are strange to them. The more cognitive dissonance you create, the more effective this ability will be.

Mana Manipulation:

You have gained the ability to directly manipulate your mana and to cast spells. This ability will grow stronger with practice.

Class Trait: Lack of Common Sense.

You get distracted easily and often forget what the normal thing to do in a situation would be.

“Hey...!” I grumbled as I read the last one. “But yeah, I guess that’s fair.”

A full character sheet and all of my current attributes followed, but since I remembered that people were always telling me not to include them, I just summarized.

It was something like 10-20 in every attribute, and Intelligence was the highest for my mana.

I was a typical mage.

Maybe?

As the notifications faded away, I was able to move my body again and I pushed myself up off the grass.

I glanced down at my arms, which were somewhat more muscled than they’d been in my previous life, and nodded in satisfaction.

“Even a mage has a pretty decent gym routine here,” I said, talking to myself. 

There was a strange power in the words, which spread out around me, and I suddenly noticed a horned rabbit that was two feet away, frozen in place with the horn pointed in my direction.

It looked like it had been sneaking through the grass toward me.

A strange swirl of chaotic light made of my mana spun around its head and covered its eyes.

“Horned rabbit...very original,” I added dryly. “You know, I suppose I’m proving the point about the Lack of Common Sense. Most people would have killed you by now...or be dead, I suppose, since you were trying to stab me.”

As I spoke, I felt a drain on my mana and the swirling colors around the rabbit’s head intensified, making it shudder like it was having a seizure.

“You alright there or do you need to lie down?” I asked. “Burrow down?”

The lights grew even brighter and the rabbit suddenly let out a strangled gasp as its health plummeted. 

Then it fell over.

You have dealt Psychic damage to a Horned Rabbit, Level 1.

Congratulations! You have used your Class Ability: Force of Words to slay an enemy!

“Oh, right,” I muttered.

As I looked around, I noticed there were a few other creatures stunned to silence around me: a small grass snake, a bird, and several giant ants.

I rubbed my chin as I looked at them. They didn’t look like monsters, just innocent things caught up in my rambling.

“I think there’s a spell to fix that,” I said thoughtfully.

They didn’t respond, so I shrugged at them as I turned my attention to the area.

The plains ahead of me were covered in patches of charred earth, hundreds of them for as far as the eye could see.

It looked like I was late to the party, but the faint echoes of “LEEERROOOYYYY” were still hanging in the air.

“Let’s do this,” I agreed.

Then I reached down and grabbed the horned rabbit’s corpse, holding it in one hand as I headed forward.

“Come on, lunch, we have somewhere to be.”