[SFW] HELP/CRIT WORK 1.

Example of some of the help and critiques I'd like to offer if my next goal is met! Once a month patrons of 5$  and 10$ can send me pieces they're working on and I can try to help you with it! The original is by Marine M.
Original: https://i.gyazo.com/0bd04b22885adc3b265fdbacd5135fe9.png
E/F ZOOM: https://i.gyazo.com/7f712e88026fa0ab330ecdb0fc80b6ec.png
I ZOOM: https://i.gyazo.com/2e1e4cf9f77e82c3452b0c775ade78d5.png
Prompt:
MM's image was originally made as a comic panel but later wants to turn it into a illustration/painting that can stand on it's own.  They are also looking for help t o make the piece more dynamic, less stiff, less flat, and heighten mood in general.
A: Original
Composition:
B/C: Having creative negative space is a huge component to composition that I feel gets ignored a lot. MM has some very strong interesting shapes in the original and I wanted to keep a lot of those through into the final. There are some gaps though that may have been filled in the original comic page (speech bubbles etc) but when making this into a full illust  those might be a little too distracting for flow if not compensated by the image as a whole or background elements.
Flow:
D/E/F: MM wanted help with the stiffness of the figures, D highlights some of the angles that could be smoothed by strong curves. From the back of the blue merm through to the tail. From the body of the lime man arched back in the orange eel's arms. The middle figure's shape pulled up and away from the encroaching font blue mermaid. Head position also changed to be more dynamic. Pulled away from the blue merm but then realizing there is no where to go with the other holding him. Additionally having the mermaids looking at eachother as to what to do with their prey.
Alt Compositions:
G: If it were still a comic panel and wanting to have those spaces for speech bubbles.
H/I: As a illustration I feel the mood could be heightened by zooming in and having the image bleed off the sides (left with tail, top with lime man's hair, right with orange eel merm). This could also be pushed further and have added depth by having some strong background silhouettes of underwater colral, sea caves, etc.

I hope that helps you and anyone else reading this! I'd love to see the final and keep up the great work!!! XOXOXO