Camera Chameleon - Chapter One

Bzzzt-Bzzzt.

“Ugh, not now, Alex,” Jess growled softly, ignoring her buzzing phone and trying to keep her hand steady.

Bzzzt-Bzzzt. Bzzzt-Bzzzt. Bzzzt-Bz-SMACK!

She jumped at the loud noise, jerking her hand towards her eye. 

“Are you kidding me?!” she wailed.

The perfect winged eyeliner Jess had been attempting was now a smudged black streak from eyelid to temple. 

“Great, just great,” she muttered, looking down to see what had made her jump. She gasped when she saw her new phone laying face-down on the tiled bathroom floor. The incoming messages had vibrated it right off of the sink.

Alex, if you broke my phone with your damn impatience, I swear I will end you.

Jess reached hesitantly for the phone, hoping against hope that it wasn’t broken. She turned it over and breathed a sigh of relief.

Not cracked, thank God. 

She unlocked it and swiped down on the screen to see what Alex wanted.

Jess shook her head softly, opening up Snapchat to reply back to her best friend. 

Jess rolled her eyes. She half-assedly covered her ruined makeup with her hair and sent him a quick snap. 

Barely 10 seconds later, Alex replied with a selfie of his own, kissing for the camera and holding a glass of wine. A dress shirt and tie made him look like some pressed and polished executive-type, although his boyish face and shock of bright red hair ruined the effect somewhat.

Jess set her phone back down on the sink (far from the edge, this time), dampened a washcloth, and began to gently wipe away the black streak. Unfortunately, a swath of her makeup came off along with the eyeliner. There was no way she’d be able to redo it all before it was time to go. She sighed in disgust, turning on the water to wash her face.

Screw it. Guess I’ll be going “au naturel” tonight.

Five minutes later, she locked her apartment’s front door and went out to the parking lot to find Alex already there. He looked her up and down as she climbed into the passenger seat of his beat-up Civic. 

“Hey, you,” he grinned. “That little black dress looks killer, but girl, we gotta do something about your makeup.” Alex dug around in the console as he backed out of the parking space, flipping down her visor mirror and handing her a tube of clear lip gloss. “Here, put this on.”

She eyed the tube for a moment, remembering her mother’s warnings to never share makeup, then shrugged slightly and swiped a bit across her lips. “Thanks, I had to wash all my makeup off,” she explained, smiling and checking out the effect in the mirror. The rest of her face was still pale and bare, but her lips looked better, at least. “Did your sister leave this in here?” she asked playfully.

Alex gave Jess a withering glance and snatched the lipgloss out of her hand, expertly applying a heavy coat of it as he pulled out of the parking lot.  “Kelly wouldn’t know good makeup if it bit her on her pancake ass. She slathers on Cover Girl and thinks she looks like a model. Hard to believe she’s my twin,” he added. He pursed shiny full lips and examined them in the rearview mirror, then glanced over at her again. “You’re still too pale. I wish I had my contour kit in here,” he sighed regretfully. “Try pinching your cheeks to give yourself some color. That should help.”

“My cheeks looked just fine before your damn messages buzzed my phone right off the bathroom counter,” Jess replied primly. “At least I don’t look like a boy dressed up as a goddamn banker,” she added with a grin.

Alex chuckled. “Dress rich if you wanna catch rich, girl.” He gave her a rueful glance. “I am sorry about all the messages,” he added. “I was just excited. We haven’t gone out in ages, and I want to make the most of it. All the good men will be gone if we get there late. Remember last time?”

Jess most definitely did. After Alex’s car broke down and their Uber took 30 minutes to find them, they had rolled into a bar at 1:00 in the morning. It was mostly cleared out by then, except for a group of drunk frat guys playing pool against a group of even drunker dudes in boots and cowboy hats. A couple of them were cute, but Jess and Alex had left in a hurry after the cocktail waitress started giving Jess random death stares and Alex got puked on by the Delta Tau Chi pledge he was trying to chat up.

She shuddered at the memory, then realized they were already downtown. “Well, where are we headed tonight?” she asked, pointing out their options.  “There’s Game Changers, Bang Bar, Tops Off...China Cok if we get hungry after closing time.” She paused, laughing. “Hope we’re not going back to Bee Jay’s. Would be a shame if someone puked on that nice tie of yours.”

“You shut your dirty whore mouth,” Alex growled. “I wouldn’t go back to that dive, not even if Matt Bomer himself was tending bar.” He shot her a devilish grin and pulled into a parking spot. “No, I’ve found us something new for tonight. It’s got cheap drinks, popular with college kids and the professional crowd, too. Get ready to change our luck, Jess--we’re going to...The Twisted Tap.”

As she stepped out of the car, Jess looked up at their destination. An old brick building stood at the end of a block lined with similar buildings, most of which had been converted into shops, bars, and restaurants. Above the entrance, a galvanized tin and neon sign with the bar’s name gave the place a vintage look. Alex leapt up the stairs next to her and held open the door.

Inside, the retro/modern aesthetic continued with industrial-inspired pub tables, and booths lined with leather and brocaded fabric. Above every table and alcove hung pendant lights with old-fashioned Edison bulbs. Despite the sleek interior, something seemed off to Jess, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was. She shrugged it off. “Looks pretty hip,” she said over her shoulder.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed. He pointed past her. “Check out that dance floor!” In front of a DJ booth, dozens of bodies were gyrating to synthwave under pulsing colored lights. Something about the scene still bothered her, but then Alex nudged her in the ribs. ”There’s the bar, let’s get a drink.”

They joined the growing crowd bellied up to the chrome and granite bar, got their drinks, then laid claim to a nearby booth. Jess tossed back her cranberry and vodka, surveying the scene, while Alex nursed his bottle of Michelob Ultra, complaining under his breath about the price. Everyone was well-dressed; this was clearly an upscale place. Miles better than Bee Jay’s, that’s for sure. The women on the dance floor and in the booths were all wearing sexy little dresses, and the men...the men…

Suddenly, it hit her. There were some guys here, sure, but not nearly as many as there should be for such a popular place. Jess continued to scan the crowd. Almost every guy she saw was already surrounded by two or three women. Her eyes came to rest on an illuminated board listing the bar’s nightly specials. “Goddamnit,” she muttered.

Alex looked up from his beer. “What’s wrong?”

She silently pointed to the sign, which proudly announced that the Twisted Tap was offering $2 wells tonight for Ladies Night. Alex raised his eyebrows, sighing in disgust. “Are you kidding me?! The ONE time we go out in the last three months, and it’s fucking LADIES NIGHT. Now we’re going to have to compete with every bitch in here.” He gestured wildly with his beer. “No wonder this cost me three times that frou-frou shit you’re drinking.”

Jess sniffed. She hardly thought a vodka cranberry was ‘frou-frou shit,’ but she wasn’t going to argue with him right now.

Need to get him out of this mood, or he’s gonna end up sulking all night. Then we definitely won’t get any action.

She stood, plucking Alex’s nearly-empty beer from his hand and tossing it into a nearby trash can against his protests. “I’m not done with that!”

“Yes, you are,” she replied. “C’mon, next round is on me. If we’re going to have to wade through a sea of thirsty skanks to get to the guys, we’d better stop wasting time and dive on in.” A familiar thumping bass line made Jess cock her head and grin. “Listen, they’re playing Carpenter Brut. Let’s go!” Thankfully, her ploy worked. By the time they reached the dance floor, Alex was smiling eagerly.

After that first song, Jess and Alex split up. She made her way towards the center of the dance floor, where she thought she’d spotted a familiar face. As she got closer, she called out over the music, “Britt!” No response. She tried again, louder. “Hey, Britt!” This time, a tall man in boots and tight jeans turned around and looked at her questioningly. After a moment, a smile of recognition lit up his face. 

Oh my God, I forgot how perfect his teeth are...and those eyes…

“Hey! It’s...Jess, right?” he asked.

She nodded. “We met at Bee Jay’s a couple months back.”

Britt suddenly looked embarrassed. “Oh man, I don’t remember much about that night, but I do remember meeting you.”

Jess blushed. “Well, I must have made quite an impression, then.” 

He flashed that perfect smile again. “You did. I was pretty drunk though, so I hope I didn’t make a bad one on you. I remember you left pretty quickly.”

She shook her head. “No, not at all! To be honest, that black-haired cocktail waitress kept giving me the evil eye, and, well...she scared me off.”

“Oh. That’s Cerise,” he drawled, idly scratching at the sandy brown stubble on his face. “She’s…”

“Your girlfriend?” Jess put in.

“No,” he answered quickly. “Not really. We’ve gone on some dates.” He laughed sheepishly. “Can I tell you a secret?” Jess nodded. He lowered his voice, and she leaned in close to hear him over the music. The smell of his cologne filled her lungs, and Jess had to resist a strong urge to kiss him as he looked down into her eyes.

“You said she scared you off. Well, she kind of scares me, too. Acts like she owns me, or somet--” He broke off, hazel eyes narrowing as he looked past Jess. “Oh, Christ,” he muttered. “She told me she wasn’t going out tonight...well, speak of the devil and he will appear.”

Jess looked over her shoulder to see Cerise, pushing her way towards them through the throng of dancing bodies. A tight red dress hugged her curvy figure. She looked pissed. When Jess turned back to Britt, he had taken a step away from her so they weren’t standing so close. His eyes were still locked on Cerise. Jess tugged on his sleeve. “She doesn’t own you, Britt,” she said gently.

He gave her a slightly pained look. “I know, but she gets kind of crazy when she’s angry..” He sighed. “I’m really sorry, Jess. You should probably go.”

Crestfallen, Jess turned and threaded her way through the crowd to the bar. When she looked back at the dance floor, Cerise was standing in front of Britt, angrily poking a manicured nail into his chest and gesturing in Jess’ direction. Britt had both his hands up defensively, a protesting look on his face. Cerise pulled his head down to kiss him for several seconds, before turning and making eye contact with her, smirking. Jess felt a wave of anger and jealousy roll over her.

Someone needs to take this bitch down a peg.

She ordered two doubles, slammed one, and turned to look again--but they were gone. Standing on tiptoe, she scanned the area. Alex was happily dancing with a broad-shouldered guy right in front of the DJ booth. She finally spotted a flash of red; Cerise was dragging Britt off towards the bathrooms. Jess clicked her tongue in annoyance. 

Damnit, missed my chance. I wanted to wipe that smug look off her face. Well, back to square one, I guess.

Determined not to let Cerise ruin her night for a second time, Jess drank her other double and headed back out on the dance floor in search of fresh meat.

Two hours later, she was worn out, frustrated, and  ready to call it quits. It seemed like every other cute guy in the place was already claimed. Although she knew she was getting tipsy, Jess ordered another drink and slid into a booth. She futilely scanned the bar and dance floor looking for Britt, but she didn’t see him or Cerise again. 

Feeling defeated, Jess took out her phone and started messing around on Snapchat. She wasn’t a huge fan of taking selfies--certainly not like Alex was--but it was something to do, at least. Jess tried a few pictures with her favorite lenses, but she didn’t like how any of them turned out. Even the silly Pickle Rick filter couldn’t make her laugh. She was about to give up when she noticed a new filter with a smiling bearded icon. A gender swap lens, huh? This could be fun. 

Jess leaned back in the booth and held out her phone, activating the filter. The effect surprised her, making her giggle as she took the photo. Her long brown hair was gone, replaced with a spiky men’s cut. Her lips were thinner, her eyebrows thicker, and she now had a broad jawline lined with stubble like Britt’s. In contrast with her now-manly face, the rest of her body was still buxom and poured into the tight black dress. I actually look pretty damn good. Laughing harder, Jess added a caption to the snap.

“With a face like that, I’d do you, too,” Alex quipped, plopping down next to her in the booth. Jess hadn’t noticed him approach. Suddenly embarrassed, she twisted away, trying to hide the screen of her phone. He neatly snatched it out of her hand. “Ooh, a gender-swapping filter,” he exclaimed. “This must be new!” Alex studied her selfie for a moment. “You’d make a pretty hot guy, Jess. Hot enough for me to forget I’ve known you since 7th grade.”

Jess shook her head and tried to snatch her phone back, but Alex held it out of her reach. “You’d better not post that,” she warned. 

“Oh, stop worrying,” he chided. “Just saving it to your phone. I wanna take one, and I don’t have this lens yet.” Alex posed with one hand behind his head. He snapped a photo, then quickly lowered the phone to examine the results. “Damn, girl, I look fine.” Jess leaned over to look.

 Alex’s normally angular face was rounder and softer, with thin eyebrows replacing his bushy ones. His hand was now buried in thick and wavy red hair reaching his shoulders. His clothes were the same, of course, and so was his full mouth.

“I’ve still got those dick-sucking lips,” Alex joked. Jess snorted, and they both broke down in a fit of giggles. “I downloaded a new photo app that’s supposed to do this,” he said, “but I haven’t had a chance to try it yet.” He pulled out his phone and tapped on an icon. It looked like some kind of lizard in rainbow colors. “It’s called CAMele--”

He cut off as Jess clumsily swatted at  his phone, sending it tumbling from his hand to the table. “Oh, show me later, Alex. I don’t care about selfies right now.” Her shoulders sagged. “I’m pissed that dumb broad gets to take Britt home, and I struck out again. It’s not HIC-fair!” She hiccuped.  

“Well, that solves one mystery.” Alex studied her, eyebrows raised in amusement. “You’re drunk,” he concluded.

“No shit, Sherlock,” she replied, looking around for her drink. Alex slid it out of her reach, but she didn’t protest. She’d had enough, and she knew it. “What-HIC mystery?” she asked.

“Oh, nothing,” he chuckled, reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out a slip of paper. “Just that I ran into a familiar-looking cowboy in the bathroom earlier, and he gave me this,” he said, sliding the paper over to her. Alex snatched it up eagerly.   

“I thought maybe he was hitting on ME,” Alex said, “but I didn’t understand the apology. No worries though,” he grinned, “I got a number tonight, too.” Alex got up from the booth and stretched, then offered her his hand. 

Still clutching the paper and her phone, Jess accepted it, standing up shakily. “He wants me to call him, Alex!” He nodded, grinning. “Yeah, but you better wait until tomorrow, girl. You’re sloppy and slurring right now.” He retrieved his phone from the table and tugged her towards the door. “C’mon, let’s get you home to sleep this off.”

-----

Bzzzt-Bzzzt.

Jess grunted softly, shifting in her sleep.

Bzzzt-Bzzzt.

She groaned, fumbling around under the covers for her phone. Just as she found it, it buzzed again in her hand. Bzzzt-Bzzzt.

I swear to God, Alex…

She cracked one eye. Too-bright sunlight was filtering in through the blinds. Not bothering to read the notifications, Jess swiped at the screen to clear them, then tossed her phone on the bed next to her. She rolled over and fell back asleep almost instantly. 

A few minutes later, Jess woke again, this time to someone gently shaking her shoulder. Her head was throbbing. Go away, Leslie… The persistent shaking continued. Jess sighed and rolled over onto one elbow, preparing to rip her roommate a new one. She opened her eyes.

It wasn’t her roommate. Instead, a red-headed woman she didn’t know was bent over the bed, looking down at her excitedly. Jess shrank back from the face, suddenly wide awake. She looked almost familiar, somehow. “Who the fuck are you, and what the fuck are you doing in my room?” she demanded.

“Jess, I’m sorry to wake you, but the most amazing thing just happened,” the woman said.

Despite her pounding head, Jess sat up on both elbows and stared at her. She might not know the face, but she’d know that voice anywhere--it was Alex.