My Journey with Anxiety Part 1

So I figured the best way to start is to explain what I struggled with the most and what made me realize it was time to seek some help!

(Don't worry, this is a happy story, I just want to share as many details as possible to hopefully help you on your journey as well! These blogs will be based on my personal journal to help me stay on track and be as detailed and personal as possible.)

--- ANXIETY ---

I began to become more aware of how I was possibly affecting others. Mostly Cole (my boyfriend that I also live with). I'm very thankful for him because he was very sweet and honest when communicating with me about my extreme reactions to small issues or tiny mishaps.
... Maybe I can make a list of a majority of the crazy thoughts that would pop into my head when I was feeling the most "extreme".

- Why isn't he paying attention to me?
- Did I do something to make him mad?
- I'm so mad and so unloved.
- No one listens to me, I must be boring.
- (After crying) Now my make up is ruined and everyone will notice.
- Am I going to be unhappy forever?
- Whats wrong with me?
- Why would anyone like me? I don't even like me.
- There's people out there and they'll talk to me. (I would starve in my room before having to endure a "hello" from my roommates, which are really nice btw, I was just to scared to interact with anyone).
- Everyone thinks I hate them.
- I'm going to be miserable forever and it's my fault.
- Why can't I calm down???

Please keep in mind, these are my extreme reactions when I would get worked up or was upset or feeling at my most anti-social. Thankfully this was not all the time, but it did happen often and I didn't like it.
When something would trigger my anxiety I would become horribly irritable and self conscious. I feel like I would look for things to go wrong causing my negative thoughts to tumble out of control. One upsetting thought would lead to another until I was panicking about everything.

This was unfair to everyone around me and I knew I needed to seek help or at least be able to know what was going on and how to handle it or avoid situations that could cause it to be worse.

--- To be continued ---