Caught between a rock and a high heel 01

Eyeing the bar out the corner of his eye, Kieron wondered if it was too soon for another drink. That would usually be a stupid question for a young Irish lad who loved a tipple, especially given that all drinks were complimentary that evening. But then again, Mimi had already made a few comments, and he didn't want to set her off.

Mimi was the girl hanging off his arm that evening, not quite his girlfriend, but the couple were living together. Well, kind of! Kieron had met her when travelling through Italy that summer, and although he was not usually into older women or relationships, Mimi had a rocking body and was financially quite well off. Kieron, on the other hand, had hardly a penny to his name. Having left Ireland almost a year ago to travel the world, he’d had his fair share of adventures. From working on a farm in Australia to housesitting in Mexico. But with the money he’d inherited from the death of his grandfather long since spent on drugs and alcohol, he’d turned up on Mimi’s door and essentially moved in. That had been two weeks ago, and there hadn't been a day since, where the pair hadn’t ended up screaming at each other.

Felling Mimi’s elbow nudge him through the oversized suit he’d borrowed from her brother, the older lady turned to face him. “Hey, that’s my boss,” she whispered into his ear. “Look, she’s coming over. Be nice and don’t embarrass me, ok?" She added in a passive-aggressive voice.

“I’m always nice,” Kiron slurred in his thick Irish accent as he placed his arm across Mimi’s shoulder. “Women love me. Mi ma always says that I'm a born charmer.”

(See image 1)

“Just don’t say anything…” Mimi said in a hushed voice before being cut short mid-sentence by the arrival of her boss Malory.

“Malory!” Mimi exclaimed, stepping forward to greet the woman with a light hug. “You look wonderful tonight. I love your shoes. So stylish.”

“Why thank you, Mimi. How nice of you to say.” Mimi's direct line manager, Malory replied. “And who is this handsome young man? You didn’t tell me you were dating again.”

“Yeah, well… I…” Mimi was interrupted.

“Kieron Walsh,” the young Irish man announced, offering his hand. “Glad to meet ya. Great party you be having here. That wine is top-notch.”

Kieron’s confident demeanour piqued Malory’s interest. Limply shaking his hand, she decided she wanted to know more about her underling’s mysterious new boy toy. “That accent. Irish, right?” she announced as a smile crossed her ruby-red lips.

“Yes, ma’am,” answered Kieron as he smiled back at the elegantly dressed brunette opposite. “Born and raised.”

“I knew it,” replied Malory triumphantly. “I’ve always had a thing for recognising accents. It’s a gift. Northern Ireland, right?”

“Well, Irish is a pretty easy one to recognise.” Kieron quipped before loudly chuckling as he failed to notice the change in her demeanour. "Southern Ireland, actually. You know, as in the country. Just outside Cork, if you know it?” His laughter abruptly stopped when Mimi elbowed him in the ribs again, time much harder than the last.

“So, you’re a bit of a wine connoisseur, are you?” the annoyed woman asked in a snappy tone. “Do you have a favourite?”

“Nah, wine’s wine in my book. If it doesn’t taste like swill, I'll drink it, right Mimi?" Kieron stated in a louder than necessary voice before chuckling to himself once more.

Looking distraught, Mimi brought up her hand to cover her mouth. “Please excuse him, Malory. He’s had a little too much to drink tonight.”

“I have not,” Kieron shot back as he turned to face her. “You always do that. Say I’ve had too much to drink when I’ve barely touched a sip. I’m just trying to have some fun here. You remember fun, right?”

Sensing a scene about to break out at her party, Malory stepped in to steer the conversation in another direction. “Talking of fun. You ‘all are coming to the Halloween party next weekend, aren't you? It’s going to be quite the event. Much bigger than last year.”

“I don't know,” Kieron replied while looking confused. "Will there be alcohol there?"

“Of course we're coming,” Mimi said, jumping in. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world. I know how much effort you’ve put in, Malory.”

“It’s no bother, my lovely,” said Malory as the smile returned to her face. “I know Halloween isn't as big over here in England as it is back home, but we’re an American company, and we have the budget, so why not go all out, I say.”

Forcing a smile, Kieron nodded his head, wisely deciding that his thoughts about corporate greed and consumer brainwashing were probably best kept to himself. Feeling that the conversation had run its course and with other guests vying for her attention, Malory used the silence to escape, leaving Mimi furious.

“We're not actually going to that party, are we?” Kieron said as soon as Malory disappeared into the crowd. “Can you imagine wanting to dress up in some stupid costume just to prove that you’re not some boring old wanker? No, thank you,” he added before laughing at his own joke and failing to notice Mimi’s angry face. “I’m going to get another drink. Do ya want anything, Mimi?”

“Stop right there,” Mimi growled as she roughly grasped Kieron’s arm. “We’re going, and you’re going to wear a costume and be happy about it. Otherwise, you can take your ratty old backpack and get the hell out of my life.”

“Woah, baby. Calm down. There’s no need to be hasty,” said Kieron softly, suddenly worried that his easy life was about to abruptly end. “I was only joking around. I love Halloween me. I once dressed up as a ninja back in college. I had a grand old time that night.”

“So, you’ll come?” Mimi asked in a gentler tone.

“Of course I will, baby. If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me,” Kieron said, trying to sound sincere.

“And you’ll wear a costume?” Mimi added.

“Yeah, whatever you want, beautiful,” Kieron replied as he screwed up his face imagining the embarrassing pictures Mimi was bound to take.

“Oh, thanks, baby,” Mimi cooed as she leaned over to peck Kieron on the cheek. “We’re going to be the best-dressed couple there. I just know it!”

Nodding his head, Kieron decided not to protest any further. The party wasn’t for another week, and a lot could change in a week. “You’re the best dressed wherever you go, babe. Now, what do ya want to drink?”

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“I can’t do this anymore,” Mimi screamed as she pushed Kieron hard in the chest. “You’re just a child! It was a mistake letting you come here!”

Angry, Kieron balled his hands into fists. “A child! I’m not the one being irrational,” he shouted back. “It’s an important game, and I’ve already arranged to meet Mark down the pub. What’s the big deal if I get to the party a little later?”

“You won’t have time to get into costume,” Mimi yelled. “And who the hell is Mark anyway? Is he more important to you than me?”

“Baby, listen, Of course he’s not,” Kieron said, trying to calm the angry Asian woman down. I met him travelling in Guatemala this spring. He’s a top fella. He really was a good pal back then. He’s only in town for a short time, So, I’m just going to catch up with him for an hour or two while we watch the rugby. It’s no big deal. I’ll make it to your party. I promise.”

“No big deal,” screamed Mimi, pushing Kieron into a wall. “I knew I should have listened to my girlfriends when they said you were a loser. I knew you’d be unreliable! Fine! Go watch your little game if it’s that important to you. But find yourself somewhere else to sleep tonight.”

“What the fuck!” Kieron yelled, rubbing his sore shoulder where he had collided painfully with the wall. “I’m out of here.” Snatching his hat off the kitchen table, he stormed past Mimi and was out the front door in a flash. “She’ll calm down,” he thought aloud as he felt the afternoon wind chill his face. “And if not, fuck her. Plenty more fish in the sea, as they say.”

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To say the game was disappointing was an understatement. Leading throughout, Ireland had somehow lost to Wales after they scored a dramatic last-second try. Now slumped on his stool, six pints and too many unnecessary shots deep, A gloomy Kieron checked his messages only to swear loudly.

“You alright there, mate?” Mark asked from one bar stool over.

“That bitch!” Yelled Kieron with his eyes still glued to the screen of his phone.”

Curios to see what was happening, Mark leaned over to get a better look at the video playing on his friend's phone. What he saw made his jaw drop. He saw Mimi smiling and shouting about how she should have done this weeks ago and how she was better than him. Behind her was a bin with flames billowing out!

“That your bird, is it?” Mark asked as his drunken mind tried to piece together what was happening. “What’s she doing?”

“She’s having a meltdown. That’s what!” Kieron cried as he rocked with anger. “The crazy broad has torched me backpack.”

“What? No way! That’s fucked up, man,” stated Mark, sounding dumbfounded. "With all your stuff inside?"

“I’m guessing so,” replied Kieron in a quieter voice. “Fuck! I knew she was a little crazy but not this crazy!” He bemoaned as his situation began to sink in. On top of having nowhere to sleep that night, he had just watched all his worldly belongings burnt to a cinder

“What will you do now, mate?” Asked Mark as he lay his hand on his buddy’s shoulder.

“I don’t know, man. Drink! Drown my sorrows!” Trying to show a brave face, he forced a smile and chuckled aloud.

“But where will you stay tonight? It’s cold out there, man! I’d offer you a place, but as you know, I fly out later tonight.”

“I know, buddy,” Kieron said, smiling at his friend. “I know you’d sort me out if you could. But ce la vie. Let's get another round in. Barman, two more of the same and two shots of Jameson’s, good sir.”

With Mark slumped in his seat, a lost-looking Kieron stared blankly at the bearded man preparing the drinks before tapping his card to pay.

“But seriously, man. What will you do?” Mark asked after slamming down his whisky and washing away the taste with a sip of Guinness. “Can you make things up with her?”

Kieron quickly swivelled to look at his friend in disbelief. “Make things up! Are you mad? Did you not see what she just did to my backpack?”

“I saw, mate,” Mark replied with a nod. “But from what you said earlier, you don’t really care about this girl much anyway, right? You also said that she was rich. So, the way I see it. Why not patch things up with her and then get her to replace all your stuff? In a few days, you can move on with your head held high.”

It was a solid plan, and after taking a few moments to think it through, Kieron was warming to the idea. She would be racked with guilt. He could probably get a whole set of slick new duds out of her if he played his cards right. That would show the bitch!

“Mark, I fuckin love you, man,” Kieron cried as he jumped to his feet. Reaching over, he grasped Mark's chubby face with both hands before kissing him loudly on the forehead.

“You’re off then?” Asked Mark, surprised by the sudden burst of energy from his friend.

“Yeah, if your plan is going to work, I need to get dressed up,” Kieron answered before downing the rest of his pint. “Let’s catch up next time I’m back in Ireland.”

“Dressed up?” Mark asked, tilting his head to one side as he watched his friend start walking away. “What do you mean by dressed up?”

Kieron scoffed. “Ah, that’s not important. Just something I got to do, mate,” he answered while giving his friend the thumbs up. "Just a means to an end. Take care, buddy.”

(See image 2)

Exiting the pub, Kieron stopped for a moment to steady himself. The outside world was spinning around him, and his legs were all wobbly. “Must have drunk more than I thought,” he slurred as he propped himself up against the outside wall.

“Come on, Kieron lad! Pull it together.” He exclaimed aloud before slapping himself around the face a few times. He then reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Mimi had sent him an address earlier that week, some transformation salon her company had hired to prepare the guests for the party.

“Six thirty,” Kieron read aloud, confirming the time. If he rushed, he’d still have enough time to arrive at the location before Mimi. She’d be so happy to see him, especially when he turned on the charm, surely, all would be forgiven. But first things first, he thought, seeing that the address was a good forty-five minutes away from his location. Sighing loudly, he shook his head. He had a feeling that the night ahead was not going to be fun. But he could get through it if it meant a warm bed to sleep in that night. And if he could put Mimi in her place to boot, all the better.