Made in Taiwan 12

Day 56

The day kicked off with Miss Li dropping a bombshell. Informing the class that after the half-term break, we would be sitting our first big assessment. This came as a surprise to no one, including me, as it was clearly stated in the calendar given out at the start of the course. What was a revelation though, was the news that anyone who failed would be asked to leave the course!

Alarm bells went off in my head as she explained the format of the paper. All answers would need to be written in Chinese; answers written in pinyin (a phonetic system of writing Chinese words) would be ignored.

Panic set in, what was I going to do? I wasn’t ready for a test, especially one this important. After starting out reasonably strong, I’d let my old slacker ways creep back in. Between the nights smoking with Jerome and the evenings high as a kite around Simona’s, I had done very little work lately, having even convinced Simona to do my writing homework for me.

Sat there in deep thought, watching Miss Li lips move but not hearing a word, I cursed my stupidity. I’d felt pretty smug about myself after convincing Simona to do my homework as some kind of payback or compensation for all the humiliating situations she had put me in, now I just felt like an idiot. Well, I say convinced, it didn't take much more than suggesting it really, as Simona didn’t seem to care. To her it was child’s play, taking her two to three minutes tops to complete.

I knew failing this assessment was not an option. If I failed, I would be thrown off the course, have my visa revoked, and need to leave the country. In that moment, I decided to change my ways, knuckle down and study. I would only have around two and a half weeks to prepare, but if I put all my energy into it, cutting out all distractions, there was a chance I could scrape through.

Day 57

“So, how about we spend the weekend, naked and in bed”? Simona announced, sitting down opposite me on the bench outside the university and giving me a suggestive look.

Gritting my teeth, I inhaled deeply, “I can’t, gotta study”.

“Oh, come on, GG? The test will be easy, and it’s weeks away”, Simona replied, rolling her eyes.

“Easy for you maybe, how am I supposed to answer any of the questions, if I can’t read or write”?

Simona shook her head, “fine, suit yourself, I guess I’ll just have to find someone more fun to hang out with”, she stated dramatically, getting to her high-heeled feet.

“Ok, enjoy”, I said, looking up and smiling, knowing she was trying to get a rise out of me.

With her mouth open slightly, looking as though she wanted to say something, we both stared at each other for a second before she huffed loudly and stomped off. Leaving me with my boring old textbook and a feeling of regret.

Day 64

With half-term quickly approaching, I was feeling a little defeated. For the past week, I had really tried to catch up on the work I’d missed, but with classes continuing and new content being constantly fired at me, I was struggling.

No matter how much I tried to focus, I just couldn’t get my head around the Chinese characters. Even without the distraction of Jerome, who was down in the southern city of Kaohsiung (Gow-she-ung), visiting a friend for a few weeks, I was getting nowhere. Needing help, I turned to the only person who knew could, Simona!

“And why should I help you, after you’ve ignored me for the last week”? Simona stated as I caught up with her after class.

“I know, look, I’m sorry”, I replied, trying to keep pace with her, “I freaked out a bit when I heard about the test, I thought if I could cut out all distractions and stay sober, I would be able to catch up”.

“So, I’m a distraction then”? Simona exclaimed, pouting, and not looking particularly pleased with my choice of words.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that”, I quickly shot back, “I meant it in a good way. When I’m with you, it’s like impossible to focus on work, you know”.

Simona stopped and turned to look at me, the edge of her plump lips curling upwards slightly. “So let’s say I help you out. What do I get out of it”?

At that moment, I felt like a sailor being led towards the rocks by a beautiful siren, but at the same time, I didn't have any other options. “What do you want”? I asked, giving her a pleading look with my eyes, hoping it wouldn’t be something too humiliating.

She paused for a moment before smiling. “I want you to come to a Halloween party with me this Saturday, and I get to pick the costumes”.

A party! That didn’t seem so bad, even if I knew my costume probably wasn’t going to be very masculine. “Ok, sure, but then you’ll help me study, right”? I said, nodding my head.

“Of course, Babe”, she replied with a smile, “but you can’t complain about your costume, I’ve got something really fun in mind for us”.

Day 66

I’d spent the last two days wondering what Simona had in store for me. It was almost guaranteed that I’d be going out en femme, my only question was, how bad would it be?

Well, pretty bad judging by the start of the day. Having spent last night at her place to get an early start, I woke up and after a quick shower, I was already dressing up in her clothes and having my makeup done. I did ask, why we had to start so early, but all I got in reply, was a reminder about not complaining, and a cryptic message about it being part of the preparations for tonight’s party.

My outfit for the day, a pink knit sweater, covered in hearts. Something I couldn’t have worn a few months back, not just because of its girly look, but because of the heat. It was late October now, and although still warm by my standards. The weather was much more pleasant compared to the sweltering heat of the summer months.

Below my sweater, which almost completely obscured them, were a pair of cut-off jeans shorts. Not too bad compared to some of the things I had worn recently. But still rather feminine looking with their ripped and frayed design, not helped by the little pocked lined with rhinestones. The only other thing I wore apart from underwear, were a pair of cork wedge sandals strapped to my feet.

But when I said the day got off to a bad start. You probably thought I was talking about having to leave the apartment dressed in the outfit I just described, along with a full face of makeup and a blonde wig on my head, right?

Well, you'd be wrong. The outfit, as bad as it was to wear, was something I had been partly expecting. What I'm talking about is looking down at a set of claw-like nails, after sitting in a nail salon for almost an hour, trying to make conversation with the chatty manicurist in my broken Chinese.

(See image 13)

I watched it all happen as Simona sat next to me, getting a similar style, and to this day, I don’t know why I didn’t stop it. Perhaps, it was the shock of the situation. Perhaps, it was the idea of embarrassing myself in public and then having Simona leave me to fail the assessment. Whatever the reason, I let the woman work.

The first thing she did was clip and file down my shortish nails, before pushing back and trimming my cuticles. At this point, I was reasonably relaxed, that is until she got out a metal nail file and started roughing up the top of each nail, leaving each one looking a right mess.

I remember looking over at Simona at this point, who told me to relax, saying it was all part of the costume and everything could be fixed later.

Having never had nail extensions before. I didn’t know that my nails were being prepped for maximum purchase with the ridiculously long nail tip that was about to be applied. But the penny dropped when I saw her bring out a piece of clear plastic, and after checking the size. The woman glued it to the top of my roughed up looking right index finger and asked me a question I didn't understand which Simona answered.

By the time she started spreading the thick white acrylic substance over the top, I knew it was too late. At that point, the damage had been done. I just lay back stunned, trying not to look over at Simona, who kept peering over in my direction with a big old grin on her face.

After thanking the woman for destroying my hands, we were back out onto the streets of Taipei. I couldn’t stop glancing down at my hands and the monstrous nails sprouting from my fingertip. Not only did the two-tone design with yellow tips look rather garish but they also left me feeling puzzled. Simona who saw me looking, said they were my first clue to my character for the evening.

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It was almost time to leave for the evening, and I wasn’t just apprehensive but also felt perplexed. Sat on Simona’s bed with my new talons tugging at the hem of the short yellow dress I was now wearing; I still didn’t know who I was supposed to be.

Having no luck in pulling the dress down any further, not able to get any kind of grip with my Edward scissor hands style nails, I gave up and touched my upper thigh. The feeling was an odd one. I had never worn tights before, and the sheer white stretchy material encasing my freshly shaved legs sent goosebumps up my arms.

Shifting awkwardly to try and get comfortable, an almost impossible task, sat on top of my tucked away penis, I felt the strain in my ankles. Lifting my left leg to gaze down at the yellow mary Jane pump attached to my foot, I shook my head, causing a cascade of brunette hair to fall across my face.

I wondered how I was going to survive the night in these ludicrous shoes. The height was probably on par with the wedge sandals Simona had tricked me into wearing on our shopping trip. The difference being, where those shoes had been reasonably stable base, these ones sported a scary-looking tall thin stiletto heel.

Before going in the bathroom to put her costume on, Simona had instructed me to practice walking around the room to get my bearings. But having walked around in heels before, I thought it best to rest my feet as much as possible before the evening began.

Pushing the hair from my face and poking myself painfully with a nail while I detached a strand stuck to my shiny pink lips, I wondered how long Simona would be. Part of me wanted her to stay in there all evening. Anything to avoid having to go out dressed like this. But there was another part of me that was curious. A part that wondered who I was dressed as. Before going in, she told me it would all make sense when I saw her.

With the mirror covered and having promising not to look and ruin the surprise, I hadn’t seen myself yet. But from my point of view, my mind was blank, thinking perhaps I was dressed as some obscure anime character.

As the bathroom door open, my wait was over. Where out stepped Simona, dressed all in white. “So, you got it, yet”? she announced, smiling.

I scanned her from head to toe but was at a loss. She obviously saw the look of confusion on my face. “Oh really”! she exclaimed, “come on, GG, we saw the movie a few weeks ago, look at my chest”, she added, pulling a pose.

(See image 14)

Never one to refuse an offer to check out a woman’s chest, I stared at the two black dots. Suddenly my pink lips parted, and my eyes widened. I'd worked out who she was supposed to be, but more worrying, I also knew who I was going to spend the evening impersonating. The thought terrified me!

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Can anyone guess who GG is dressed as? Write your suggestions in the comments below.  

Double points if you know what  GG (or gi gi - chicken chicken) is slang for in Chinese?