People don’t take trips, trips take people - Antoine 30

As he exited the hotel into the busy New York street, Antoine shivered, the weather had really taken a turn over the last 24 hours, the warm pleasant weather they had been enjoying over the last few days now replaced with a dull-looking sky overhead, and a bitingly cold wind.

Looking down, Antoine grabbed the bottom of his thin polka dot dress and tried in vain to pull it downwards to cover a little more of his already chilled legs, the cold wind violently attacking them from all sides, the sheer pair of nylons encasing them doing little if anything to protect him from the cold.

Seeing him looking so uncomfortable, Fifi turned to face him, “Come on, Netti, keep moving and you’ll warm up soon”, She announced, looking equally as cold.

Antoine wanted more than anything to go back into the hotel and change but knowing that he didn’t have any outfits that were much warmer than the one he currently wore, and also knowing that their destination that day was to be another front-row view at a fashion show, he knew mentioning it would be a waste of breath, instead, he just nodded his head, “ok”, he replied, his teeth chattering, quickly tottering over towards the waiting cab on his sandalled feet.

With a few hours to kill before the show, and with it being so cold, the girls decided to do a little shopping. Antoine had eagerly agreed, he enjoyed shopping a lot more than he used to these days, now that he wasn’t bored watching Lily try on clothes, but it was the thought of getting out of the cold that really appealed to him, thinking he could perhaps even find a warm coat at the same time.

Two hours later, he hadn’t found the warm coat he had been hoping to find, but the black hoodie he was now wearing was the next best thing. He had initially picked it up as a joke, placing it over his shoulders and putting a matching hat on his head, before pulling a gangster pose.

Lily and Fifi had found it hilarious, so funny in fact Fifi insisted on buying it for him, putting it down on the company card as a business expense. Antoine wasn’t going to argue, the hoodie was made from a soft warm material and was almost androgynous in its look, a pleasant change from all the ultra-feminine clothes he had been wearing the last few days.

Imagining the hoodie to be something he could have seen himself wearing back in the days before he started to live life en femme, Antoine looked had looked into a store mirror to be faced with his now-familiar feminine image reflecting back at him,

He shook his head and smiled, the hoodie which he had hoped might make him look a little more manly, only emphasised just how much he had changed. His thin frame beneath, the long pink hair above, and the long shapely legs beneath, screamed girl, the baggy hoodie only serving to make them stand out even more.

The following few hours were spend fighting through crowds and posing for pictures in the packed out Spring Studios in the Tribeca neighbourhood, where New York fashion week was being hosted. 

Having spent the last few days at the event, Antoine now felt comfortable in the previously unfamiliar environment, he now knew what to expect, but even so, the energy and the enthusiasm of all the guests, dressed up in their fanciest outfits, all trying to get noticed was still quite the sight to behold.

(See image 56)

With early evening bringing to a close the last show they were scheduled to attend that day, Antoine looked around and reflected on the last few days, realising that he had actually enjoyed himself, not everything, there had definitely been parts he hadn’t enjoyed, like the pain in his feet after a full way of walking on tall platform heels or the Indonesian film crew that had been trailing them for the last few days, documenting their every move, or more accurately Fifi’s, for their website. But when he looked at the experience as a whole there had definitely been more positives than negatives.

Life was definitely not boring anymore, for the last few years Antoine had been content with the life he had built for himself, but it had become rather dull. These days life was much more exciting, every day was filled with new experiences. But perhaps the thing that he now appreciated most was his friendship with Fifi. Antoine had always found it difficult to make close friends, in the past he’d had lots of acquaintances but no one he could really rely on, Fifi, in a short time he had known her had eclipsed them all, as he now thought of her as someone he could really rely on.

For that reason, he had finally made up his mind about her offer to move to Milan, yes it would be scary, and he would be committing to living as a woman for a little longer, but on the other hand it would be an exciting adventure, and with Lily by his side, he was willing to give it a go. But unfortunately for Antoine, like most things in his life, never seemed to go to plan.

It was just after the last show when Lily turned to Antoine, saying she was going to take a walk and have a smoke, inviting him to join her. Having not had much chance to speak to her that day, Antoine quickly agreed, leaving Fifi to chat with some friends she had met at the event.

They turned the corner and walked up the street away from the crowds, " so, did you enjoy the show today”? Lily asked, looking up at Antoine who was towering over her.

“Yes, it was a good one”, Antoine replied happily, “their choice of music was really good, and I liked a lot of their designs, they were much more normal than the ones in the show we saw yesterday, I could actually see myself wearing some of the clothes from today, perhaps in Milan”.

Lily looked over and gave him a weak smile, “Netti, I’m not going to Milan, with you”.

Antoine stopped dead and looked over, “What? But yesterday you said you were ok with this”.

“I know, I... I.. can't go, things are different now, we've changed, you’ve changed”, she replied.

Her statement pieced Antoine’s heart like a dagger, as a rage built up inside him, “changed? You mean this”, he said grabbing his pink hair, “and this”, he said grabbing a hold of his flimsy little skirt, this was your idea remember”, he screamed, “I never wanted any of this”.

Lily took a step back, startled by the sudden outburst, “no I don’t mean the way you look, although it does make things a little more complicated”, Lily shot back, “I’m talking about all the lies, I’ve known for weeks that Maryanne knew the truth about you and I’ve been waiting for you to tell me, you never used to lie to me! You know how much I hate people who lie”.

Hearing her words, Antoine felt sick, “you knew, and you didn’t say anything? So, you’ve been lying to me too”?

“If you want to think that fine, but all I’ve ever done is support you, maybe I could have said something, but how many lies have you told me in the last few weeks? telling me how happy you were, those crazy tall expensive pumps, you said you just had to have, was anything real”? Lily said with tears forming in her eyes.

Antoine screwed up his eyes and took a deep breath, “Lil, please, things just kept happening”, Antoine said looking her in the eyes, “I just felt so confused, I didn’t know what to do”.

"You could have talked to me", Lily replied sadly, "we promised each other in the beginning, that no matter what, we would never lie to each other, you've broken that promise, how can you ever expect me to trust you again now"?

"I'm sorry, I was stupid, please forgive me, I can make this right", Antoine pleaded.

“I do forgive you, but things are different now, I think we should perhaps take a step back, be friends for a while, I need some time apart to process everything”, Lily replied looking away.

“You’re…you’re breaking up with me”, Antoine muttered in disbelief, “I can’t believe this, look at me, Lil, I did all this for you, because I love you, and now you’re going to end things just like that”?

Lily nodded slowly, “Yes, I'm sorry, I’ve made up my mind, you should go to Milan, start over, perhaps things will be different once some time has passed”.

Antoine opened his mouth to speak, but no words formed in his head, instead, he lifted his hands to his head and slowly turned. 

His world and his future had just been blown apart in front of his eyes and it had left him feeling completely numb as he slowly stumbled away down the street.

(See image 57)