People don’t take trips, trips take people - Antoine 22

After almost a week of constant worry, with the day of the graduation ceremony looming over him, the day had finally arrived as Antoine found himself all dolled up nervously posing for a picture outside of the venue for the event.

His makeup had been applied heavier than usual and having spent the afternoon in the nail salon, his nails now extended past the tips of his fingers, making it a little more difficult to use his hands.

It all felt like a dream or was it a nightmare, either way, no matter how much Antoine willed himself to wake up, the crazy events that kept forcing him to live someone else’s life, just kept coming.

As he pushed his dyed blonde hair out of his face, turning slightly to the side and lifting one of his tall designer heels, which was almost automatic at this point whenever someone pointed a camera at him, Antoine looked up at Monique's smiling face and felt sick.

(See image 40)

Monique had arrived that morning, supposedly for a quick visit into the city to meet a friend, but it all seemed too much of a coincidence as Antoine couldn’t help but feel that her presence that day was down to Marianne, especially as Monique started talking about his graduation ceremony without being told.

“You look beautiful, Zara”, Monique cooed as she lifted the camera once more to get another picture, “how does it feel to be back here after so long? You must have some lovely memories of this place”.

Antoine forced a smile, “yeah, but it feels a bit strange, to be honest”, Antoine replied trying to stay in character and feeling ridiculous as he looked over at Marianne to Monique’s left grinning at him and Lily to her right who had a worried look on her face.

“That’s understandable”, Monique replied, “you are a different person now, we all change as time goes by, and revisiting the past can sometimes feel a little strange”.

Antoine smiled and nodded, “you’re, right about the different person part”, he muttered under his breathe.

“What was that”? Monique asked, “sorry dear, I couldn’t hear you from over here”.

“Oh, nothing”, Antoine said, “Perhaps we should go inside”? He added, having had enough of standing outside and posing for pictures in his girly outfit, while people walked by and stared.

Entering the building, Antoine was sure something was about to go wrong, after all, he was an imposter, surely, someone would know. But having made it past registration, accompanied by Monique, Lily, and Marianne, Antoine found himself directed towards a large hall where the dreaded ceremony was being held.

It was a room, split in half, with rows of chairs on either side of a centre aisle,  which led up to an intimidating stage on the far side of the room.

 With fifteen minutes to go until the start of the ceremony, the room was still only half full as people stood around happily chatting. “Do you recognise anyone”? Monique asked snapping him out of his daze.

Antoine didn’t of course, but looked around anyway, “No, it's been a few years since I was here”, he lied, having never set foot in the building before that day, “I think most of these people probably graduated this year”.

Antoine hoped what he had said was true as although he didn’t know anyone, there was a chance someone there knew Zara. He tried to push the thought to the back of his mind as he couldn’t bear to imagine what would happen if he walked up on stage and someone outed him as an imposter.

After a few more pictures, Antoine and the other women found their seats as the boring introductory speeches, praising the graduates and the institute itself began. Antoine hardly heard a word, as he sat with his smoothly waxed legs crossed mid-thigh on a surprisingly uncomfortable chair, shaking like a leaf.

Lily took his freshly manicured hand and leaned over, placing her mouth next to his ear, “you’ll be fine”, she said in a soothing voice, “just smile and walk slowly”.

Antoine gave her hand a squeeze, he would definitely be walking slowly given the height of his heels, as the last thing he wanted to do was trip and fall in front of all these people.

There was nothing left to do but sit and wait for his name to be called as he watched the other graduates being called up, studying their movements, in the hope of imitating them as he made his own terrifying trip onto centre stage.

“Zara Dumont”, the man on the stage announced as the words echoed through the hall.

As he felt the eyes of the three women sat around him fall upon him, Antoine knew it was time, slowly getting to his feet and shuffled past the people in his row looking down at all the smiling faces and trying not to vomit on them.

Reaching the centre aisle, it felt like every eye was suddenly on him as he forced a smile onto his glossy red lips and started tottering towards the stage, the deafening sound of his heels clicking off the wooden floor, sounding like a drum being beaten in his head.

It was the longest walk of Antoine’s life, as time seemed to stand still, the short walk, feeling like a trek across the Sahara, each tiny mincing step not seemly getting him, any closer to his destination.

But with one step on his fancy red shoes, and then another, followed by another, Antoine finally made it to the front of the room, and after carefully ascending the small staircase, he stepped out onto the stage and looked down at all the people below, his heart threatening to burst out of his padded chest.

He took a breath and walked over to the smiling man in the centre just as he had seen countless people before him, accepted the envelope in the man's hand and leaned in to receive a kiss on each cheek, the room gave him a round of applause and a small cheer, and just like that, it was over.

Having made it back to his seat, Antoine couldn’t stop shaking as he clutched the degree certificate in his long-nailed hands, adrenaline coursing through his veins. 

He had done it and he felt amazing, it felt as though he had conquered a mountain or overcome some impossible task. Through the eyes of anyone looking on, he had done nothing spectacular but for Antoine, it was a pivotal moment, a moment that would change the way he thought about his life.

Still feeling the high of being up on stage, in front of all those people, Antoine watched the rest of the ceremony, passing the time by critiquing the outfits of the women making their way to the stage, all his hours of reading up on the latest fashion trends, having unknowingly crept into his brain.

Feeling much more relaxed, Antoine had a thought, “If I can walk up in front of all those people and fool them, perhaps I should try and enjoy myself a little more, after all, it's not like I have much of a choice in any of this”.

(See image 41)