The role of a lifetime 11

2 weeks later, Jim once again found himself in the studio pretending to be an enthusiastic young actress named, Jem Stevens, the reality of his situation had well and truly sunk in, this wasn't some game anymore, he had been selected ahead of hundreds of other talented actresses and been given the opportunity to audition for in the next phase of the casting.

The whole thing seemed ludicrous to him, that after only a few months of practice and a couple of body modifications, he could fool a room of professionals into thinking he was a young wannabe actress but as much as he hoped he was dreaming and he was going to wake up any minute and be back in his old life, he knew it was real, very real, and very scary.

Following the announcement, where he had to pretend to be thrilled as he was asked to return for a second audition, the last two weeks had been tough, really tough, Victoria had upped the ante again, forcing him to stick to an even stricter diet and exercise routine, and spend every waking moment thinking about his appearance. when he wasn't having some beauty treatment, doing aerobic exercise, life wasn't much better as the casting crew had told him to memorize a script, they had sent over, and the worst part was, he wouldn’t know what section he was going to act out, until the morning of the audition, meaning he had to learn the whole thing, all 150 pages of dialogue.

By the end of the first week, tired, staved, and mentally drained, Jim wanted desperately to quit, he had been driven to a point where he no longer cared about the consequences, even if it meant losing Victoria and going back to being penniless, but even in his lowest of lows, and darkest of days, there was always one thing that stopped him, he just couldn’t let Britt win, something was wired inside him, where he just couldn’t hand him the victory, if Britt was going to win, he would need to earn it, even as it forced him further down the path of feminization, a journey he didn’t know if he'd ever return from.

It was thanks to this inner stubbornness, or as some might call it stupidity, Jim now found himself stood next to Britt, on the side of a stage set up to look like a restaurant as he waiting for his name to be called, to take his turn in acting out the scene.

After an hour in hair and makeup and a further 30 minutes in the costume department, earlier that morning, Jim was trying not to think about the way he looked and how everyone around him was treating him like a woman, and a beautiful one at that.

As Jim stood waiting, rocking on his high wedge boots, and clutching a little leather handbag with his long dark red acrylic nails. He was glad to be wearing leggings instead of a skirt, as the countless men standing around kept checking him out, even if they were rather tight and restrictive.

Trying not to think about, the thoughts, he knew the men were having about him, his mind flashed back to earlier that day and the shocked but stunningly beautiful face that had stared back at him through the mirror, as the makeup artist finished working on him and revealed his look. He had hardly recognised himself; his eyes were his, but every other part of the male face, he had lived with all his life, had seemingly been erased.

It was the moment, he realised, without even knowing, he had passed the point of no return as after all the Botox injections and fillers, the facial peels and skin softening treatment, not to mention the bouncing fun bags, falling out the front of his top, he had turned into another person.

He remembered looking at himself with his professionally done makeup applied to look natural but flirty, according to the makeup artist and feeling terrified about having to appear on camera to act out the scene, looking like his own childhood wet dream, and having it record and keep a record of his girly look and feminine performance for all time.

The thought of someone he knew finding it and watching it back, was still heavy on his mind as he watched another of the auditionees, playing out the scene, he would soon perform, where Gabriella the leading lady, ends up sat up on a date with the man of her dreams, but predictably in a movie like this, something had to go wrong, and on this occasion, it turned out that a waiter was man Gabriella had drunkenly slept with a few weeks earlier, derailing the entire date.

“Feeling nervous”, Britt asked from behind, wearing a similar but slightly different outfit to his.

“No, are you”? Jim lied, without turning around.

“Of, course not, what good would that do? You have to be confident to make it in this business”, He replied in his annoying chirpy voice.

Jim rolled his eyes, “sure, whatever you say, Brittney, remind me again, what was the last movie you were in”?

Britt didn't reply as Jim smiled for the first time that day imagining the look wiped off his face.

As the scene ended, a man walked across the stage, stopping in front of the two feminized men, “Jem, you’re up in 5, can you take your position centre stage”, he said, before turning and walking away.

As the words sunk in Jim suddenly felt like he was frozen in place, his legs felt like blocks of iron and his arms started to tremble, he had thought about and prepared for weeks for this very moment, but before it was always in the future and now that the time to actually perform had actually arrived, he couldn’t help but feel petrified.

“Good luck, Jem”, Britt said from behind, watching the man walk away, “as they say in show business, break a leg, or is that, don’t break a leg, I can’t quite remember, either way, be careful in those shoes, you don’t want to fall on your face, that would be rather embarrassing, wouldn’t it”? He said chuckling, as Jim thought the urge to turn around and punch him in the face.

(See image 11.1)

It was late into the evening as Jim stood on a second-floor balcony of a hired out, night club, his legs and feet were screaming in pain, after a day of wearing absurdly tall heels, and he felt completely ridiculous wearing a scandalously short, almost completely see-through, sparkly sequin dress. But as awful as he felt in that moment, he was doing his best to hide his true emotions, as he was about to act out of his final scene of the day.

The scene in question involved Gabriella, who, having messed up her big chance making it as a pianist in the city and having broken up with the man of her dreams, after an unlikely set of events, that you would only ever happen in a romantic comedy, such as the one he was auditioning for, had taken a job as a podium dancer in a club to try and pay the rent. 

Now Jim had to convince all the onlookers that he was that girl, a half-naked go-go dancer, who halfway through her shift, sees the leading man, who as luck has it, has happened to venture out to the club where on a night out with some friends, and after seeing her realises that he isn't over her.

As Jim looked around at all the people standing around him busily doing their jobs and occasionally sneaking a look at his shiny smooth legs, he was having a sort of out of body experience. He used to frequent night clubs, like the one he currently stood in, a lot on past business trips, and if he had seen a girl, that looked like he did in that moment, with her long silky hair, fluttery long lashes and huge inflated lips, he would have given his right arm to have taken her home and had his way with her for the evening, but now the shoe was on the other foot, painfully tall platform shoes, and Jim was feeling extremely uncomfortable and a tad bid vulnerable.

(See image 11.2)

“Ok, Jem”,  a man in an expensive-looking suit shouted over, “show them what you can do”.

Jim saw a camera turn towards him and a man starting to count down, as he took a deep breath, hoping he could remember the lines and dreading the thought of the kiss at the end of the scene.

“in, 3, 2, 1 action”.