Three Square Meals - Chapter 130 (second half)

The following is meant as constructive criticism from someone that loves the series. I don't think patrons should have a say on important plot decisions. Tamolith's fate for example however interesting just doesn't fit John's character arc. Not only is he truly rewarding her for her misdeeds as mentioned but he is also not even attracted to her. The premise at this point in time is that they are adding her to their extended family for eternity out of pure scientific curiosity. Furthermore, the Brimorian war came off as uninteresting. Nothing is really at stake, the average reader basically couldn't care less for both civilizations having not been attached to any character that draws from them. New characters and their interactions with the main group will always be the highlight of the series rather than spin-off battles. There are so many sub-plots that I looked more forward to (more info on the Progenitor from the gladiator scene, John's battle with his guide, Sarinia's character arc etc.) Hence why following the recent war was so unappealing to me.

duff

Thank you for writing and look forward to the chapter.

Dan Ferguson

Read you last submission, good story as always, If I might make a suggestion the big for me is the story, not the sex scenes. You might consider shortening them quite a bit and puttomg more effort into the story line.

Dan Ferguson

Thanks very much for the kind words! It seems so long ago now when I first started writing TSM. I decided I wanted to write a story that I would've liked to read, combining a blend of my favourite aspects from dozens of different sci-fi sources. The story has grown far beyond what I originally envisaged, but I'm proud of the enormous behemoth it's become and hope that it continues to entertain people. The confrontation with Larn'kelnar was a pivotal moment in the story, moving beyond the initial existential threat to something far worse. I'm looking forward to writing the conclusion to the story, where everything gets dialled up to 11. :-)

Tefler

Happy Birthday! Unfortunately I can't write fast enough to finish the next chapter today I'm afraid. :(

Tefler

Thanks for the tip Jim, sounds good

Jeff P

A naked photo shoot of the Invictus crew?

Wookey

Hey tefler it’s my birthday today and guess which gift I’d give all my others up for apart from a Covid-19 cure of course can you guess ?????

Jim lynch

Have you read. a stupid boy by g younger it’s on stories online or you can do as I did and buy all his chapters on amazon books. I know it’s hard to believe but I put it on a par with tefler both stories are not far off the same length too and neither are finished yet too please give it a try people.

Jim lynch

Arrival of the RX 2000 on Lit is a pretty good read. Never as good as teffler material. But a great sifi read in my book. Until we get our next fix from teffler:)

Timothy Lucas

Not cool, supriya.

Sean Miller

They're pretty much done. I'll go through them this evening to check if I missed anything then combine them.

Tefler

Still. :-)

Tefler

"Please don't promise but deliver." I never made any promises. I stated my goals, but that's not in any way a commitment. "even if you send drunken abuse as you did on lit one time" What are you talking about? I've never posted "drunken abuse" on literotica!

Tefler

That's fair feedback. It was unfortunate that a lot of those bonding type moments cropped up at the same time in the story. Normally I'm able to interweave more combat between them, but the current story arcs made that impossible.

Tefler

Tefler, just when you gets distracted by so many outside influences please remember it is writing a story or being a great story teller for which you left a job. Yes you did not have much job satisfaction. Yes the amount you are getting sofar from different sources may meet your requirements or may not be which I don't know. But please don't forget your commitment to yourself. We all understand you are making a terribly complex story with so many threads and making it an incredibly success so far. We readers are great full for that. But if you get distracted, if you forget your commitment, please remember you are writing for yourself, at the end you have to answer yourself what you are doing and then this type of mails may put other unintended thought to you. Still you are saying you will post two stories per month which is going to be a joke to some. Do you understand it is your commitment which is laughed upon. Please don't promise but deliver. Sorry for saying a lot which I shouldn't say but being with you so long I think we can say this as your good follower even if you send drunken abuse as you did on lit one time. Good night. Bye.

I personally like the mush and find it makes the characters feel more real. I don't feel like this is a critique just more of a personal preference. It is erotic sci-fi after all, not just sci-fi.

I agree completly with MeCher. As one who can't even tell a joke and keep the punch line straight I have been enjoying this master piece and have re-read this story 4 times so far. Even the slower chapters have been required to give it more depth and to flesh out the people involved. Well done sir and hope real life keeps you healthy and grounded enough to continue.

Darrell Van Ember

I agree! We're along for the ride watching (reading) a masterpiece being created. It's been amazing. I'd much rather have Tef take his time and do it his way, than have him start to resent working on the story because of all the pressure.

arbi

Well said!

Arrowglass

It can take a lot of writing to show a story rather than tell one. Tefler has created a complex character with John, his protagonist. The complexity of his secondary characters have grown as well, much to the benefit of the larger story. Some here think that John has become strong enough to take on the Progenitor War, but that is not the case. He has a major weakness in his unresolved and personal battle with his guide. The guide holds secrets that would benefit John, yet the knowledge keeps leaking out - to both John and Dana. John 's character keeps growing in new ways from the Progenitor model that has been forced on the species by their own version of Satan. That they have the capacity to change is made clear not only by John, but by Progenitor Alyssa and by John's parents. John's current quest has become complex as he seeks to right the wrongs of so many around him while struggling to resolve his own need for family. That last issue seems to be coming to a head at Olympus. I think everyone must remember that while a raconteur can speed things along by "telling," it takes energy away from the story. Instead good writers, like Tefler, take the slower route to "show" their readers the plot, character, and imagined world along the way. My suggestion to everyone who is impatient, go back and re-read the story, but this time note the growing complexity of the story with all is unfinished plots that hint at a larger story. I think the story is getting ready to splinter and these relationships may well lay the groundwork for that. Look how long this story is; how complex. By my count, Tefler has already published over 3 million words in this story and hinted at many more. So let's enjoy one man's vivid imagination and storytelling. Remember, Tefler admits that this story started off as an erotic space opera that has grown into something bigger and better. I for one am glad it did. I can't think of a better on-line writer - who does have a life outside of TSM. I want to thank you Tefler for spending four and half years weaving this tale and taking it beyond the ordinary.

MeCherAmigos

John is not going to stop beeing our Progenitor. But as the brimorians, Sarinia, Tashana before her that and so many other have before, shown how easy it is. Tefler does not need to write about xhat is going on the invictus all the time. I see that he is creating a linear time progression, with out eny ana or prolapse time wise but still i have to agree to the critique a litle. And i hope it is taken as a constructive one. Less mushy stuf more action... Ok maybe not action but plot and character develoopment on the periferal characters. More admiral walker, more garden tending by the Lenarans

Ricardo Miguel Pereira da Silva

Not a bad critique, friend, but Tefler did obliquely address this concern a few posts back: as the story lengthens out and continues on, it becomes progressively harder to come up with worthwhile challenges to John’s growing strength. Ergo, to keep our interest and practice his quality craft, we are left with a myriad of slice-of-life chapters to further certain aspects of the plot, both for the Invictus crew and those groups outside of it. A bit of a fascinating dichotomy, if I do say so myself.

Brian Woods

I am really sorry if anyone is offended by a little bit of criticism. IMHO there is too much bonding going on with too little action in this last chapter. I’ve been following your story since you posted the third or fourth chapter, so I really am a loyal follower, but let’s move a bit faster in the relationship side of the story. I am far more captivated by the intrigue and real action and catch myself skipping over parts where they are swimming, fucking, and reassuring their feelings for each other. Sorry again, but I felt I needed to say this, because all I read are critiqueless comments. Tefler, thanks for your epic effort. I’ll stay aboard!

Hi Tefler, just wondering when you will be combining the 2 halves of Chp 130. Waiting for your final version before doing a re-read.

BTW...is your wife on maternity leave AGAIN or STILL? Are congratulations again in order?

Arrowglass

I will take quality over quantity any day. Enjoy your life and family so you do not get "burned out." Thanks again for sharing your creative talent with us!!!

Arrowglass

I would love to see multiple chapter months Tefler, but personally, I'd rather have quality over quantity. Keep doing what you're doing and keep up the great writing. Also, please bring back Faye.

Anthony Kester

There's actually several reasons for my slowdown in chapter releases. 1) The story is much more complex than when I started, with more nuanced character development (so it takes longer to write). 2) Coming up with new content and interesting challenges for the cast in a long-running story gets progressively harder (considering the power creep). 3) I have a 6-month-old son now, as well as a 6-year-old (and I enjoy the family time with them). 4) I still really enjoying writing TSM, but it's getting harder to avoid distractions: tv shows, movies, pc gaming... all of which I put on the back burner for the last 3 years. Having said all that, the wife is on maternity leave at the moment, so I need to kick up into high gear again and concentrate on two chapters/month releases.

Tefler

I broke down and bought in...with no regrets! Amazing story! Just don’t die like Mike Cropo. That made me cry at 1st...,then I realized how much of the story we lost.

Robar

I have to agree with BigDude. This story is huge in length and rich character development. If you only had a main character or two it might be easier to do a couple of chapter a month but it would not be followed to the level this is. Plus throw out that each chapter is 30k words and that is pretty significant too. Most stories on Lit are in the three page range. While they might post more often I don't feel those stories have near the depth as this one that is posted just monthly.

prsstarid

I really doubt that will happen. It's April 14th in Britain and no first half being evaluated writing the second half commentary. I think Tef has reached his financial goals with the amount posted above. While other authors do write with a chapter buffer, I think Tef looks at suggestions and weaves some of them into the story or in future chapters. He mentioned how he story boards the chapters and I suppose it's a whole room of spreadsheets, yarn strings and posted wall papers. While we would all like a multiple per month TSM infusion, as the months go by I think that gets dimmer and dimmer as more people join the TSM starship, Just my four farthings.

Big Dude

For purely altruistic reasons I hope that The Great Tefler, Creator extraordinaire is able to create two or three chapters this month so he will be able to put some money away in a rainy day fund.

Congrats on reaching 3600 patrons!!!!!!!!!

Arrowglass

Yeah, what with two kids and the current situation, I doubt he'll be going back to two chapters a month anytime soon. Which sucks cause I joined right when he went down xD

VC

Nice to hope, Richard, but as I understand it that was a late drop related to 130/2, not 131... Remember, the key thing for new chapters on Patreon is the ‘5-7 day warning tef gives when he sends the first half of the next 30K chunk to his editors. That means the clock is then counting down. We haven’t had that yet, so we are at least 7 days away. Given Tef’s current 1 chapter/month, I fear rather more. Sorry! Tim

Timbo

I saw the new chapter on literotica drop, usually that means that the new chapter on patreon isn't far of either, anyone heard anything yet ?

Richard de Leeuw

While Valeria might have been a real challenge for Sakura at one time, any fight between the two will last only seconds with Sakura's enhanced speed, frost, and wind abilities. Unless Valeria's Progenitor master engages a psychic inhibitor.

Might not trust him, but John is correct in that his father needs him to take on the other Progenitors, so Rahn can not kill him and he can't kill John anyway because the Milari are tied to John and he doesn't have time to enslave them. So he will have to do something to help John.

Kensyi

Tefler, I love your set up. Family is important. Father's approval is so big for PJ. You have a true challenger for our Samurai waiting out there. You have brought many of the story lines into focus at Olympus - I feel the Force is strong with this one. My heart tells me good things are in store for our protagonist. Not all will be lost in the coming duel of the minds. Thank you for taking your story - and your storytelling - to a higher plane of existence. Thank you.

MeCherAmigos

For those of you interested in a much easier and interactive format for discussions with other readers and supporters (including Tefler) Please feel free to joint the TSM Discord channel. If you leave a screen copy of your support level and contact a mod or leave it in the New Arrival Coordination channel they can set you up with Patreon only sections as well as those open to non-supporters which has up to date discussions in real tijme. Just follow this link: https://discord.gg/ByA4Xv5 (this is a permanent invite) and if you have any questions just ask for a Mod. This board practices civil discourse and personal attacks, or discussions in general public channels on religion or politics are not allowed: though you can do that in direct messages to your heart's content.

PLRus--Founding member of the TSM F5 club.

It wasn't a criticism, it was a projection I guess of how difficult it is to feel (or to appear) to feel better all the time for other people's sake. The conversation he had with Athena about being able to affect the Progenitor programming so that they can at least consider the idea of what to do in the event of his death or defeat by his guide without the crippling and overwhelming emotional it takes on them seemed like a logical extension of that. I don't want to give anyone the idea that I don't enjoy the story, I do very much. About not being too analytical, I'm afraid I can't help that it's a natural impulse with me.

Matt

Matt, I like you have suffered from mental health issues, primarily due to PTSD owing to a long military career. For me, it is refreshing to see a positive spin on promoting mental well being, and the feedback of so much positivity can only be beneficial in the long term. So please, as they say on the other side of the pond, "Don't sweat the small stuff". John has tackled, from the very beginning, with the prospect of unintended mental abuse to his coterie of beauties, but they are all aware of this and assure him constantly that this is in fact not the case. I mean, for frick's sake, Tefler has virtually devoted whole chapters to exploring this issue. So do enjoy the story as it unfolds and try not to be too analytical about it

I feel you. Fighting my way out of several months of bad.

Usually 5 - 7 days after his half way written alert! Patience!

Big Dude

I don't know if this is just me, but it seems that having all the Lionesses mental well-being based entirely on your own feeling good... all the time. Would get to be a little mentally exhausting. Depression and I have been in each others orbits for a long time and sometimes it seems to require a period of wallowing, I mean a serious urge to allow it to wash over you. In real life when this happens I can avoid people for a little while and not inflict myself on them. In John's case that's not feasible, even discounting the whole matriarch psychic bond thing. It seems to me that having to be deliberately in a better mood than you naturally would be... all the time to ensure the mental well being of so many other people, without a break, would wipe out my emotional reserves. After all there have been times where his mood has seemed to have the effect of the equivalent of major psychological abuse. So in effect he's not allowed to feel how he feels without becoming an abuser, which he certainly doesn't want to be. It appears to be a state of affairs that cannot continue indefinitely. At least if he was anything like me, and I'll be the first to admit that there aren't many that fit that description.

Matt

Any news on the next chapter?

Grimlakin

The twins will have their hands full trying to keep John safe from a ship load of horny Maliri women :-) . I think Shanrly will willingly do anything John wants & give him all the answers about the Callopian traitor that she knows .

bigdawguw65

I think the Maliri merc Shanryl Lahlenori and her crew will be in for an experience if Irillith finds them. With her new hacking abilities, I dont think Shanryl stands a chance to out hack her.

prsstarid

Interesting speculation! Can’t wait for the next installment. And to see what the Twins might do to the Maliri mercenary hackers....

Matthew Marrinan

I have been wondering if Tom's uncle who was killed in the Dragon March is actually his biological father. He seems to have much more in common with him. Is it possible that his Uncle did not realize he was contributing to the genetic testing program? From what we know about him he seemed to honorable to have participated in something like that willingly. I could not imagine allowing Dana to be dropped off and abandoned on Karron. I could see another family member raising a child if he was a carrier officer and unmarried but that would not explain the genetic gold ring. A mystery to be solved.

prsstarid

So, I was having a good think over that very interesting last scene, and a thought struck me: obviously the Walkers, at least the good Admiral, are involved in the genetics research that Rachel found out about in Tartarus. If so, then perhaps the Buckinghams were as well, at the very least the Fleet Admiral, since their families are such good friends. Given the success of the one Walker guy during the Dragon March conflicts, the one KIA by Norwood and his treachery, it seems likely that the changes were passed down hereditarily and maybe modified as the child or children grew up. Buckingham’s madness is thus explained as a genetic defect exacerbated by the situation he found himself in. Mason, as his son, would likely possess the defect as well, and due to his father’s death and the airing of the Fleet Admiral’s dirty laundry and Beth breaking his heart, the madness came on full bore. Will we see a crazed Mason in the future, possibly at the slave swap, attempting to attack John and the Invictus from his obsolete cruiser during the fight? What defect does Anna possess, if any, should this theory be proven true? Will Dana find out which family she belongs to in this convoluted mess? I eagerly await the drama to unfold!

Brian Woods

Ah, a chapter is like the weekend, over too soon, and always leaves you wanting more..........

Rhys

No problem here. Try again.

Bp Hlpt

I am getting an error trying to download the revised file.

There are a couple it's/its confusions in the updated text as of 3 April

J B

Ok, I can see it reading that way.

Hey Neill, thanks for the feedback. It's always good to hear that you're continuing to enjoy the story! In that particular bit of dialogue, Alyssa's pretending to be disapproving, so the tone of her comment reflects that: "Bouncing off the walls" is usually used to describe kids on a sugar rush driving their parents crazy with their hyperactivity. She uses "Did a number" on the "High Priestess" with that same kind of faux-mocking tone. What she actually means is: "Calara adores having her father aboard and I love seeing how excited she is. I was also overjoyed to see Sakura open up to you to such an extent that you were able to take your relationship to a new level of intimacy." But that's not the way Alyssa talks to John when she's teasing him (and Sakura in this instance). :-)

Tefler

The phrase “to do a number” has a negative meaning, to injure someone or something, or to hurt or embarrass someone:. Don’t think that’s what you were implying here > “and the number you just did on your High Priestess,” Come a long way since the aim was just to buy a new PC! Good work. Always interesting to see how the story flows.

Tefler, I don’t think this is a typo, but in the following dialogue: [Maria brushed the backs of her fingers along the Nymph’s arm. “You’re so soft...” Jade began to purr, responding to the gentle caress. “Unfortunately, the fur isn’t very practical in the bedroom,” she replied with a grin, revealing a pair of elongated canine teeth”] Wouldn’t [this form] work better than [the fur]? Just a thought ...

Timbo

thank you Tefler keep your family safe

Mjk154

Thanks! I think I got it this time. :-)

Tefler

Tefler, you missed one of the edits. Page 19: “It’s just as breathtaking as (I) remember.” Don't think you really want to leave it as: “It’s just as breathtaking as a remember.”

Who is CT?

thomas rodrian

I just uploaded a new version. Maybe you'll have more luck with that?

Tefler

Wonder when John is going to meet CT

Kensyi

While I agree the extra scene wasn't actually needed, there are so many ongoing storylines that Tefler needs to move on regardless, so tagging a short 'next step' to bring up the word count also pushes our minds in to thinking of the other parts being played out elsewhere in the 3SM universe

Not sure if Tefler will see this, but here goes. I've only been along for the ride for about 8 weeks, read all of what was on Lit before tracking the rest down here. First, your writing was really quite good early on, but it has improved significantly since. You have started to slow down the action just a little, and broaden the backstory, which I appreciate. Second, I think I understand the perceived need to maintain 30000 words, and I am excessively eager to read more, but one of the things that I appreciated was the progression toward what seemed like more logical chapter ends. This chapter felt complete without the added scene. I value the quality of the writing, not the quantity of words, and would be happy to see slightly shorter, 'whole' chapters without the earlier sense of piecemeal chapter break points. Just my lowly opinion.

Agreed... it appears to have gone from Maria knowing secretly, to Jack being added, then every Thomas, Richard & Harriette lol!

Thanks for letting me know. I went with Fenris.

Tefler

The "second half" document won't open. No problem with the other chapters. Any suggestions?

Good stuff!

James Hârn

?

keen_FlattendHedgeHog

anyone else catch the startrek reference?

Michael

Did I miss something...where Viv, Joel and Faith learned about and met the Maliri twins along with knowledge about the Progenitors? They were all together and apparently out of their armor in the cargo bay... "Calara gave her parents a farewell hug while the Maliri twins left the cargo bay. Once they were safely out of sight, Dana raised the huge doors, revealing the umbilical linking the Invictus to the Epiphron." Also mention was made that the car "should be able to safely escape from, or eliminate, any threat short of a Progenitor assault."

Arrowglass

Right... The set up is there for them to meet again. There will obviously be resolution between him and his mother... But hopefully something positive will come from a second meeting with the dad.. maybe he can help with the guide

King James

Also as mentioned above... I thought Maria would receive a personal shield and maybe a pistol.. the car is cool to... But if another issue arises she still has to get to the car.

King James

I know what you mean, I've loved these last few chapters, but I've also kinda been near skimming through because there is one thing I'm waiting for above all else, the dreaded second meeting between John and his parents. And I need it dammit!

kinky-kong-keith

These last few chapters have been great.. but kinda like torture... Waiting for them to get back to Malari territory to upgrade the ship.. and go get the other ships... Etc... He still has to fight his guide. Do a spirit walk to take Dana directly to the source of more tech I think you mentioned he has to fight his guide before he goes on another spirit walk right?. And the Brimorians still need to be taken care of while rescuing the Abandoned... Sure there's a ton I'm missing... I'm ready for it all!

King James

It would be really ironic if Rahn was to watch over the merging of John and his guide, in order to make it up to John about being a schmuck earlier. But I can't see how that would happen since John doesn't trust him now.

CJ Mora

That's not a bad idea about giving all of the family members personal Shields. I had the idea that Maria's bodyguards should also have them, along with their own car to match Maria's. That, and whatever reinforcements installed in both of their new homes, should be enough to keep them all safe. I don't necessarily think that they need more weapons. As to whether the scene was "rushed", it was supposed to be since they needed to get going, so I didn't have a problem with that.

Bp Hlpt

Wolf 359 is a real star, and it's the 3rd (or 4th if you count each star of alpha proxima as separate stars) closest star to us, and the first one we're probably certain has a planet in orbit

Rachel would also see whatever the Brimorans did to him while captured....

B S

Bravo as always, what an amazing chapter. I have a couple questions for you about consistency with your characters. I was looking for the scene, potentially now when they go to look at Maria's gift where they stopped by the firing range and the grand engineering overlord gives the entire family a set of personal Shields. I'm not sure about their own personal weapon because given they are not lionesses protection should be the key and then avoidance. Also it feels the scene where they are giving Maria or new car feels a little rushed going over all of the features at the Grand engineering overlord installed. I can also see a set of tachyon rifles being stored with the car. Again providing an opportunity for the family in the security team do you have some fun at the firing range tied into my above comment. I was thinking that maybe this would be for the books, however it changes the continuity of the story unless you find another way to get them the shields. Thank you for this amazing opportunity to enjoy your journey with this story and with deepest respect I hope that my comments add some value to this amazing piece of work.

So...is no one going to bring up the HUGE elephant in the room? Admiral Walker KNOWS his “son” is genetically engineered, revealed by his knowledge that Tom was incapable of cheating on Anna, unquestionable loyalty likely a side effect of the restructuring done to his biology. As if the golden coronas weren’t enough of a hint! Given the likelihood that Lynette will ask Rachel to heal Tom so as to wake him up from his coma, what are the chances she finds the same markers in Tom as she did in Dana??? Furthermore, how much time will they be forced to spend in-system to deal with the resulting shockwaves, from torturing Arjun for the assassination info, to Lina’s possible Lioness upgrade, to healing Abby for Henry and a meeting with Jessica on the dreadnaught; how long can all this take? Inquiring minds wish to know, oh great and powerful Tefler!!!

Brian Woods

You started off calling Almada's location Fenrir station, then changed it to Fenris station

Thanks, Tefler. Worth the wait as usual.

Chester Orland

First, why would there have to be a psychic connection between John and Jess to develop their relationship? The way I see it, they just need some quality time to hang out and talk, feel one another out and discover interesting tidbits about each other to flesh out a worthwhile bond, little b. I won’t conclusively say they can’t have a family moment and become more than friends, but after that grieving moment with Maria it seems less likely a possibility. Second, you know how Alyssa likes to protect John from any and all threats to his psyche. She got extremely pissed at Edraele for trying to prepare John for a Progenitor war, and this possible confrontation is orders of magnitude more important. I foresee Alyssa laying the psychic hammer down on Rahn’s head, to the tune of dragging his Astral butt into her pocket plane and explaining just how different John and her are from regular Progenitors. As for using Rahn to deal with the guide, methinks that the ship has sailed for that option, given that the guide was determined to burn with John over it’s failure rather than let him survive for the future. Plus, the guide won’t be listening to Rahn since he has already expressed disappointment with it’s actions, or lack thereof.

Brian Woods

Wolf 359? The fucking Borg are turning up?! Resistance is fertile, you will be inseminated!

Matt

Ahhh yes the Claymore Incident!

Big Dude

OH...I meant to add I love what you are doing with the emerging personalities of the "bots!"

Arrowglass

I agree with Big Dude that hopefully there is a connection with John and Rahn...that he helps/saves/gives sound advice on defeating/absorbing his Guide...that he and Alyssa have a reckoning...that John and his Mother develop something good! Do I want too much? Question: will Rahn using the dreadnought attract the attention of Xur'aziuth if he does NOT use psychic powers or the astral?

Arrowglass

In about 30 seconds! :-)

Tefler

@Tefler, when do you think you will have the final scene done and added?

Kensyi

Another great story, Tefler! Not sure if this one already got noticed: "Twin ninjato slashed through the air and crashed into Sakura’s naginata" Shouldn't that be Calara's naginata?

CJ Mora

It's hard to say because it varies on the type of dialogue. If I'm writing general chit-chat, with the girls flirting, or discussing tasks for the day, those are probably the fastest scenes to write. Each of the characters have their own "voice", so writing a conversation tends to be pretty straight forward. When the dialogue is important, I have to be much more careful about the emotions associated with the dialogue tags. For example, in the scene between Sakura and John, their moods changed dramatically as the conversation evolved. I also re-read the scene through several times, making tweaks to the dialogue to try and make it all flow naturally. As a result, the more complex dialogue scenes tend to take the longest to write.

Tefler

Tefler, just my opinion, but you should not add anything to the ending. the chapter is fine without adding more.

thomas rodrian

As always, thanks for those! :)

Tefler

Question for <b>Tefler</b>, how much time by percentage of writing each chapter do you spend on the conversational dialog?

Big Dude

"...this time it's Sakura's suffering for it." Sakura who's?

zingowner

"...before shimming into her dress." shimmying?

zingowner

@kinky-kong-keith, For the Jessica/John relationship to develop there would have to be a astral plane connection because they are too far away from each other all the time. Maybe Rahn allows Jessica to fly with John for a week or so while Rahn joins the Maliri in filleting and barbecuing some fish. Imagine the Brimorians are getting their fins scaled by the Maliri and Rahn shows up in the dreadnought. Athgiloi then sends a message to the Maliri, "Ah help has arrived you blue skinned scum!" Then Rahn sends out an APB telling everyone he's John's father and he's here to help the Maliri. Then Rahn says John sends his regards. Imagine Athgoloi's face on that revelation! Sweet retribution. That would have to be an interesting conversation between Alyssa and Rahn Alyssa tells Rahn to allow Dana to see and copy all the progenitor dreadnought hardware. Rahn enters the Astral plane and tells John's PG to behave and merge nicely with John or Rahn will rearrange PG's mental structure. While everyone may want to see the PG/John fight, there are more important things to deal with per my four farthings!

Big Dude

Tefler, great second half chapter! A few suggested edits for Chapter 130, part 2, minus some that were mentioned by others already, and are as follows: Page 19: “It’s just as breathtaking (breath-taking or breath taking) as (I) a remember.”; Page 20: John watched the Asian sword( )mistress with interest.; Page 25: She shifted into a(n) offensive stance,; Page 25: A(n) blocky projection appeared,; Page 26: momentarily distracting her (in) mid-charge.; Page 68: “Can I get in there too?” Dana asked with a(n) impish grin.; As always, if you disagree, I completely understand. Good luck with Chapter 131. Cheers!

In the spar between Sakura and calara you called calara sakura at one point.

Jewbear

Thanks for the update. Glad you and your family are keeping safe

Brilliant chapter Tefler!! ... pleased that everything is okay with you and your family

Kin Asdi

Thanks for the new chapter and the update. Glad to hear you and yours are healthy. Hope that you and everyone here stay safe.

Idaho Spud56

By the way, after that scene with Sakura, just how close is John to revoking Alyssa's recruitment rights?

kinky-kong-keith

What an amazing story. Well done. By the way, isn’t it flora and fauna? I saw what you were trying to say and wasn’t sure if it was a language thing or a mistake. Keep it up.

Philip Hannum

Great stuff as I've learned to expect from you, o great one. Thanks for this! I do wonder about the potential foreshadowing regarding all the broken families in John's pride of lionesses - except for Calara. I hope I'm wrong!

J B

Shipping Tamolith's son &amp; John? Yeah, you're living up (down?) to your screen name.... 😉

J B

Bonding isn't complete. Alyssa can send to her &amp; read her feelings at range, but Jrhanna can't talk back. Yet.

J B

Remarkable as always. Tef your gift is precious indeed. Stay safe and healthy!!!

John Doe

Oh, well spotted! I'll fix that now. It's possible regarding the scenes. I mainly wanted to emphasise Calara's happy relationship with her parents to make the difference more stark with John's dismal relationship with his own parents... for the scene near the end of the chapter.

Tefler

Helene was the last to emerge from the water, her beautiful teal skin glistening with moisture. The sparkling sheen made her gorgeous bikini-clad body look incredibly exotic. “Hello, John!” she called out to him, skipping across the sand to give him a very damp hug.

Tefler

Calamari lol

JP

Another typo note: You've got "flora and flora" where you probably mean "flora and fauna". Or maybe "flora and flotsam"? :) Great second-half-of-chapter! I really enjoyed it. Are all the kids shows influencing you into including so many happy family moments?

Brooks Moses

Thanks for that one. It should be fixed now. :-)

Tefler

Great again ... but somewhere i missed John getting soaking wet at the beginning of chapter 130-2 Can somebody tell what happened ???

Robster

Oof, each and every chapter is pure gold. But its never enough. :(

Mapstar

Great, thank you so much. Was having withdrawal symptoms, even though I'm re-reading from the start again. Stay well fellow England-dweller 😄

Paddy

A slight error observed, maybe pointed out by others, however in the below mentioned instance, it's should be Calara instead of Sakura "Twin ninjato slashed through the air and crashed into Sakura’s naginata, the blades striking each other as a searing peal of thunder rocked the Dojo."

i spotted that too

B S

2 chapters in April. That be absolutely Awesome!!! I mean, it's never going happen. But it be Awesome!

Sooo good! Thanks👏

Kim Biel-Nielsen

Perfect birthday gift for myself.

Whoriar

Dammit. Stay well

Awesome. Great chapter Tefler. Thanks. Stay week and keep family safe in a crazy world.

Now that is another great chapter, love the flow, the character interaction. thank you thank you thank you.

Taco1085

It's funny, it did seem a bit like Sakura was being a bit neglected these last few chapters, and I don't mean just within the story itself, but she sure came back with a bang! Such a great scene. I don't know if Sakura is my favorite of the lionesses, but of all of them, she's the one whose scenes tear me up the most. As for the scene where John unloads his baggage for Maria, I probably should feel happy at this part, but I just feel heartbroken, though not for the reason you may think. I can only speak for myself here, but I desperately want to see John reconcile with Jessica. And this scene just makes that possibility seem slimmer. The scene with the baby dragons and Tamolith was gold! Should have known that scheming lizard would keep Baladranax's daughters alive for her son. And yet, I still ship it. Is there something wrong with me?

kinky-kong-keith

I thought Jehanna bonded with Alyssa? Why did she tell Lynette they couldn’t talk on the coms when she asked her to check on Jehanna?

Jammus1

Wow. That was an emotional rollercoaster. [Spoilers] I teared up when John was unloading on Maria. Uh...that doesn’t sound...LOL. Jade has a new form! Calamari and Sakura are so happy Alyssa is becoming a love-oholic! Another great chapter!!

Jammus1

Thanks again for another remarkable read!!!!!

Arrowglass

Awesome chapter as usual! Stay healthy folks!

Thanatos95

April is looking like a really long month for sure. Especially if we are all locked up at home. Good luck writing Ted

JollyRodger

Awesome chapter tef,... thanks for the distraction and feeding my addiction. :-) stay healthy and safe bro

JollyRodger

Amazing as always, thank you so much. Best wishes to you and yours, stay safe and healthy.

recurve33

I think is the agreement edraele and the kintark empire have for the help against the current invasion

Thanks. Take care and stay safe.

This didn’t make sense to me: —— It would be hideously ironic if her people ended up as indentured servants in the Terran Federation, just after Queen Edraele had been forced to ban slavery within the Kintark Empire. —— How was Queen Edraele forced to ban slavery within the Kintark Empire? I don’t recall that one…

Evan

"crashed into Sakura’s naginata" should be Calara's naginata

That was satisfying. Something to end a good day on. One thing jarred me, which is rare for your writing. Alyssa can hear half of the conversation, but still sent Jade to check up on John. The excursion was worth it for Jade and Helene, but unless Alyssa made the request for them, it didn't make much sense. Alyssa even admitted later she heard half of the conversation. Anyway, minor detail, love your work.

Skchoad

Wow, what a rollercoaster. You have done it again amazing chapter can't wait for the last scene.

Kensyi

Tefler, <b>thank you</b>!

Big Dude

cheers mr

Braw

Thank you sir for letting us know you are all doing ok and safe. Can't wait to read this chapter and know that it is going to be amazing. Just know we are all keeping you and the family in our prayers.

Taco1085

Thanks Tef, greatly appreciated, keep safe and look after yourself and the family.

GDay (FMS)

Yes!

Jammus1

Thanks, Tefler!

Bp Hlpt

Thanks Tefler

Old Cruiser

Cheers Tef. Great to hear your ok. I know what I'll be doing tonight.

This is definitely an awesome Birthday gift!! 😁 Super excited. Thanks Tefler.

Great!! I was heading to work in 30 minutes.....

bob lakhanpal

It's good to hear good news!

Timtom12

Wholesome kids shows hehe. Do you know the words to the frozen songs by heart.

Daniel Warfield

much love. Thank you and go well

TF4EVA

Good to hear that you and your family are doing well. Had some us worried for a while there. Thank you for this, Tefler.

Thanks, Tef. Glad to hear that you and yours are thus far doing well.

From our gutter to your heart. Take care of your family, your guttersnipe fans are all adults.

MeCherAmigos

Cheers! Thanks Tef!

Stay safe and be well. Thank you tefler

Roman Andrew Chalfant

Hope everyone is will at your house Tefler, Thanks for this.

Cignal

Oh shit! Glad to see you're doing well Tef! I couldn't have asked for a better way to end the day, new chapter and news of you and yours' wellbeing :-)

kinky-kong-keith

Finally...Yay

Arakasi

Good to hear that all is well in your domain, Tefler. Hope it stays that way. And darn those wholesome kids shows for distracting you from dirty thoughts. lol

Jedi Khan

thank you Tefler

yeahh

Shree_Pratham

Thank you!

Steve

Thank you, Tefler! A very enjoyable read, as always!

Evan

Good to hear (read) that all is well in your personal space. Good luck with the munchkins, and may you succeed in keeping us gutter snipes entertained.

Muledrvr

Yes

Sparky's Wife!!!

Out of all the times you get told when we were younger to get out of the gutter, you get right back in. We are all complicit. It is glorious :)

Forbsey

thanks Tefler

Thanks

You win first comment!

DemonHunterCole

Thanks for getting done what you did!

Hendrix Morton

There goes my productivity for the rest of the day!

SomeYoungGuy

Thank you

Amazing!

Yewww

Awesome

Yay

Muledrvr

Thanks!

kenna

YAY!

Jedi Khan