July Post: Not Feeling Well + Vent

I'm sorry for the huge decline in updates and missing art pack throughout June. I haven't really been myself since the pet loss and tooth extractions. Speaking of, I had my latest and hopefully final tooth extraction back around late-May and it really messed me up.

And just in case I forgot to mention later on, I'm making plans to attend a personal convention this month but it shouldn't hinder anything here - but in case it does because family, well now you know.

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I want to cover a number of things here. I really don't care for long-winded messages but this needs to be addressed.

- First and foremost, it was never my intent to be porn artist. I never aspired to be one. The description of the comics in my home page made it very clear I had other priorities. The NSFW art I originally published and would published on rare occasion was meant to be a treat to my followers and it just pooled over into my range of artworks out to popularity.

I don't mind it too much; I'm still not open about it as others are. So kink-related conversations tend to wind me down rather than pump me up... Especially when I already have an idea going.

The commissions didn't help by much in that I heavily prefer SFW art and no one ever asked nor consented for what I was most comfortable drawing without casting them off. the job market in my area is shoddy and underhanded at best and this being my only income is an important step to me. And I've been doing my best to stay on point no matter what craziness happens online and offline. Mostly offline.

I've even neglect my overall health just to put my family under a roof and publish art of what others wanted to see. I've had severe facial pain and migraines that kept me up for days since 2018 to the point of crying due to damaged teeth dating back to 2014. That's why I needed several tooth extractions and health checkups that I didn't afford then and there, so I don't actually drop dead from infections if the pain alone wasn't enough.

I wanted to take a break from adult arts for a while so I can get my bearings back but I didn't mean for the whole month to go by without letting someone know. It's hard to keep my life balanced when there's so much demanding online and offline. My life is far but comfortable right now and I'm simply making the best of things.

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As for the commissions - I really appreciate those who want to throw money my way for a 'quick' comm art, but the more I get ignored when I say 'no I'm not available', the more I want to give up drawing entirely. Please don't turn the one thing I enjoy in life into a hassle. From one fellow preg-lover to another, I shouldn't feel forced to obligate myself knowing full well I have a mess of other commissions I neglected for several months that I keep shoving aside to give a fast kink fix when I completely had my heart set on my future novel works and other projects that has been on hiatus for over ten years - not including Project: HERC which is the main reason I started this patreon.

I mean no disrespect but it's entirely unfair after the many months of planned writing, concept arts, and editorial back-and-forth done between me and Jethro, a fellow enthusiast and friend who wanted this comic published back in 2015 - 4 years is long enough. There's a ton of content I planned as surprises but I feel undermined when others go their way to share their ideas and commission me on the spot.

I feel constantly ignored because I wrote this at least twice and I'm still asked if I accept new NSFW commissions. If anyone even glances at both my commission listings on my FA page -and- the comic lineup I have on my Patreon home page, you ought to figure I have my mind made up on what I want taken care of, ending with either the artworks completed or the money given back instead of tossing ideas at me as if I don't have others doing the exact same things in all my social medias.

And hunting for me through those medias to ask for art makes me want to retire even more. 'Please be mindful' is all I ask. It's hard to stay polite when there's already so much out of control in my life.

When it comes down to it, I've pretty much have lost interest in the art fetishes. Everything I wanted to draw in-panels of the few adult comics I actually had planned plus Jethro's HERC stories end up in several commissions before I could get any of the serials off the ground.

Now I feel I have nothing new to offer and it just feels like I'm repeating myself artistically. I don't get a thrill out of drawing the same thing over and over again like most artists do. In fact I find it tedious and irritating. And it's such that the artworks feel so repetitive that I spend almost weeks on end wracking my brain changing up my future works to not come off overdone.

At the risk of sounding pretentious, I wanted my works to reflect much of the written works of Stephen King, George Lucas, Akira Toriyama - or at least where the concepts that are just out there but still enjoyable - they inspire me that much. I like to feel I can create without the fear of hinderances or aversions. I don't like being censored or coerced at all in changing my art that I want to be proud of unless I believe it necessary to.

Moreover, I can't remember the last time I actually drew what I wanted to draw that isn't kink-centric. Like in some cases I want to draw more male figures in general, for the sake of practice and honestly I find it boring only drawing women characters on a frequent basis and it's taken a heavy toll on my character building and design layouts.

It goes right back to my wanting to publish light comics but it seems I waste everyone's time and money for wanting to focus on the concepts and written drafts I wanted to pan out. That's kinda the problem here.

I already switch between Sonic style and anthro/human on a regular basis, and it's also affecting my art abilities to maintain a particular rendering style without either style looking weird or rushed. Coupled with my household who hates not seeing me for hours at a time because apparently my drawing art for a living isn't a real job, I am incredibly stressed all over. The back-to-back colds aren't pleasant either.

I'm still in a bad way because my ten-year-old cat whom I had all her life and lived through a 2-and-a-half-year homeless streak with me in a cage died alone and undiscovered in a house with four adults until I went to look for Jade for her morning meal, not even 3 weeks before my birthday. And I've been torn that she's mostly been stress-free only in her final 2 years after finding a home again, and I promised to do better by her and now she's gone.

I just don't know what to do for myself anymore. I'm losing motivation. I'm just grinding out works now. I'm tired, I'm miserable, I sleep 4 hours a day or none at all drawing kinks that scare off 1/4 or my viewer-base every time I upload. I'm depressed overall. I don't even feel connected or even welcome to my core fandom anymore - anything I do for Sonic now feels weird, either to others or myself even on a SFW level - a conversation feels awkward the moment I say anything...

I didn't even take the month off to relax, I'm so bent out of shape.
But whatever.

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Now - about the May and June's art packs. They ARE on their way and I apologize for being so late and not giving everyone notice. Some things are best not mentioning but I don't feel right leaving others in the dark when they're helping me out.

Art is being finished and gathered, so really expect a big update between now and this week's Friday. I think everyone will be surprised with both the quantity and quality of the artworks. I just wish I didn't fall apart at the last minute.

I'll have previews of the finished art for June and my planned WIPs for July sometime tomorrow before I send off the Art Packs. Both the HERC and SO8 comics are gonna have quite a start. And more.

Okay, back to business.