Water Kanin: Chapter 41 - Goodbye For Now

Everyone’s a bit scraped up, but luckily we have a healer in our midst, so we’re on the move again before long. It’s also a good thing we have someone with a map, otherwise we definitely would have gotten lost in the wilderness. After Attiru points us in the right direction, Noli helps find the easiest path to traverse. Bushwhacking our way through overgrown woods, I use a Shade Scythe to cut some of the grass and undergrowth away, making everything a little less thorny. Tired, worn, and covered in stickers, we reach the alpine city just before dusk.

No one has enough energy to discuss logistics that evening, so we find an inn, everyone else grabs a room, and Ink hastily ushers me out of town. For once, I don’t mind the space. There’s no way I would have been able to spend the night in the same room as Zyneth with that relic still in his bag. The sooner we deliver it, the better.

The next morning, everyone looks a little more alive. Rezira and Attiru order some tea with their breakfast, and Noli and Zyneth have something that might as well be coffee. Once everyone is fully caffeinated, we discuss where we’re going from here.

“I’m supposed to deliver the artifact to an address located in Valenia West,” Zyneth says. “It’s in a city called Lustaria. I believe I should be able to take a telepad there.”

“Yes, it’s a fairly large trade port,” Attiru says. “About halfway between Miasmere and Harrowood in size. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of travel windows to choose from.”

“What can we expect when we get there?” I ask. “Any creepy spider libraries? Murderous submarine captains?”

Attiru blinks. “What?”

Zyneth playfully elbows me. “You are not allowed to make any decisions or take any initiatives while in Lustaria.” Zyneth turns back to Attiru. “But anything you could tell us about the city might be of use.”

Still giving me a baffled look, Attiru turns back to Zyneth. “There’s not much to say. And I’m no expert, for the record. It’s a wealthy city that relies on its textile exports, primarily populated by arachnoids, halflings, and felis. There was a conflict with textile workers a few years back, related to arcane automation of some of the factories, I think. The city physically shrank as a result, but financially prospered.” They shrug. “That’s about all I know off the top of my head.”

Zyneth looks thoughtful. “The worker conflict is interesting. I wonder if the loss of work resulted in an influx in the city’s underworld. It could possibly be a reason why my employer wants the relic delivered there.” He shakes his head. “But I’m merely speculating. I suppose we’ll have the opportunity to learn more when we arrive.”

“When you guys arrive.” Attiru smiles apologetically. “I think this is likely where we’ll part ways. I should be able to take a telepad back to Harrowood from here.”

Rezira snorts. “Good call. Get out while you still can.”

“Oh, are you sure?” Noli asks. “It was delightful having you along!”

“Actually, I was going to ask that they part ways with us at this point,” Zyneth admits. He looks to Noli and Rezira. “You two as well.”

“What?” Noli exclaims, but Rezira gives her a one-armed squeeze.

“I think that might be for the best as well,” she signs. “We helped him retrieve his relic, but us being there isn’t going to help him deliver it. Not to mention, I don’t think this is a crew we want to get tangled up with.”

“But what if it’s dangerous,” Noli signs.

“It probably will be,” I cut in. “But I’ll be there at least. He won’t be alone.”

“Kanin’s right,” Zyneth says. “He’ll be able to sneak in with me in a way you all can’t. They likely won’t meet with me if I arrive with backup.”

Noli looks a little put out. “Are you sure there’s nothing we can do to help?”

“Hey, it’s just for a few days,” I tell her. “We’ll drop off this dumb rock, and then we’ll come and visit you.” I pause, turning to Zyneth. “I mean, unless you have anywhere you need to be after that.”

He shakes his head. “No. Actually a trip to the countryside sounds like a nice change of pace.”

“Perhaps I’ll also come visit after I have a chance to drop my maps off in the shop,” Attiru says to Noli and Rezira. “It was lovely to see both of you again. And I do realize my house is a bit out of the way.”

Rezira smiles fondly. “You’re always welcome to visit.”

Noli slumps. “This puts a bit of a damper on the meal, doesn’t it?”

“Well, we’re not leaving this second,” I say. “Zyneth, when do you need to get to the delivery point?”

“The day after tomorrow, at the latest,” he says.

“Then our next step is to check the telepad time tables,” I say. “We can’t leave before then, anyway.”

As it turns out, Attiru’s slot will be later tonight, my and Zyneth’s will be about midday tomorrow, and Rezira and Noli aren’t scheduled until the morning after. That brightens Noli right up. She quickly decides today will be dedicated to friendship and fun, and we’ll top it off with a big meal before Attiru leaves. No one can say no to that.

As we wander around the city, window shopping and chatting about nothing of importance, it’s clear we all needed the break. Nothing to fight, no cliffs to scale—though Rezira and Attiru seem more relieved to be done with the adventuring than Noli and Zyneth. Still, everyone is excited to have some “real” food again, and Rezira and Noli make plans to visit a hot spring the night after Zyneth and I leave. If it weren’t for the relic, which Zyneth can’t risk leaving alone in our room, it might have been a perfect, quiet day of relaxation. With it riding along in Zyneth’s pack, however, I’m forced to give him some space, and I spend most of the day chatting with Attiru and Noli instead.

“Thanks for having me along,” Attiru says that night as we’re seated around a table at a local pub. The room is bustling with warmth and laughter. “Even given all the danger—being able to visit the Isles was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I will always treasure that.”

“I’m glad you came, too,” I say. “I was worried, at first. Worried what… what you’d think of me.” I try not to squirm as everyone watches me, offering varying levels of reassuring smiles. Okay, no smiles from Rezira. But even her expression seems to be soft and understanding. “The same goes for all of you, really. This has been a difficult adjustment. I didn’t want to put any of you in danger, but I… I also didn’t want to go it alone. So, thanks for sticking around. And trusting me, I guess.”

“How inspirational,” Rezira deadpans.

Noli looks like she might be about to cry.

Attiru tips their cup to me in cheers. “I wish you luck with that Ink of yours. I don’t know how things with that creature will end, but based on where it started… You’ve been a good influence on it, I think. I hope you continue to make progress.”

“Cheers to that,” Zyneth agrees, taking a long drink from his mug.

We accompany Attiru to the telepad later that night and wave as they depart. They’re smiling at us, mid-gesture to adjusting their glasses as they vanish in a flash of light. I commit that image to memory. Not the Attiru lying on the ground with our void stabbed through their arm. Not the Attiru fighting for their life at Noli’s cabin.

This Attiru. Smiling and healthy. A friend.

As Zyneth steps over to Rezira to ask her about the logistics of our inn payment and departure times, I find myself at Noli’s side.

“So,” I venture. “Did you still want to talk to Ink?”

Noli’s eyes go wide. “You mean it?”

“Yeah.” I shrug. “I guess tonight’s the last night together for a little bit. And I… well, I don’t know if trust is the right word. But after everything we went through on the Drifting Isles, I trust it with you, at least. Though I can’t really say how talkative we’ll be,” I add. “And if you’ve changed your mind and don’t want to—”

“Oh, no! I mean, yes! Yes, I’d love to. Thank you!” Noli throws her arms around me in an abrupt hug before quickly pulling back. “Now?”

I glance at Zyneth and Rezira. “Sure. Though if it’s alright, I’d rather it just be us.”

She squeezes my arm. “Of course.”

Noli speaks briefly with Rezira, letting her know she’ll meet back at the room within the hour, and I promise Zyneth to meet him in the morning. I won’t be slipping back inside our room before dawn, because of the relic’s presence, but I’ll wait outside for him. I can tell he feels bad about this, but he understands.

Noli and I wander through the dusky streets as night creeps through the town. Lights go on inside shops, and a kid skips down the road, pausing to touch spell circles carved into the cobblestones, which produce orbs of light that drift up and over the streets to light the walkways in artificial constellations. I explain to Ink what we’re about to do. It feels very uncertain about the plan. It doesn’t understand what this will achieve.

It’s not for us, I think. It’s for her.

Ink can tell that is a lie.

This city doesn’t have a wall, unlike Peakshadow or Harrowood. No undead creatures to ward off out here. Noli and I just keep walking, and eventually the city thins.

“I don’t want to go too remote,” I sign. “You’ll have to walk back on your own.”

Noli giggles. “Yes, left out in the woods to fend for myself, entirely unprotected. Whatever will I do without you!”

“Ha, ha,” I sign sarcastically. “But point taken. I’ve certainly seen you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself over the past couple months. You’re not some helpless clockwork octopus anymore.”

“Hexapus.” She winks. “And you’re not some helpless bottle of ink.”

“Technically I am still just a little glass bottle,” I sign. “And a lot more glass on top of that.”

“And a lot more void.”

“That, too.” I stop. The sky is a dark purple, stars winking into existence, the light of two moons illuminating the forest. Now that I’ve agreed to it, I’m getting stage fright. It had been an impulsive offer. I’m not even sure why I made it.

“You don’t have to,” Noli signs after a moment of silence. “I can tell it still bothers you.”

“I don’t know why,” I admit. “You all have seen me merged plenty of times now.”

“When you had to, yes,” Noli agrees. “But choosing to is different, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Ink is drifting nearby, waiting for my permission.

“You would leave your belongings behind when you left each night,” Noli abruptly signs. “Why was that?”

“I didn’t need them,” I sign. “And, ah, Ink prefers a less… humanoid form. The clothes get in the way.”

“You’re still wearing everything out here,” she notes. “What was your plan?”

I shrug, self-conscious. “Leave them somewhere after you left and pick them up in the morning.”

She tips her head. “You weren’t going to take them off before I left?”

“No,” I say, increasingly uncomfortable. “I figured I could make us at least act a little more… human… until you left.”

“I don’t want to see you faking something you’re not,” Noli signs. “I just want you to be you.”

“I’m not really me when we’re fused,” I weakly protest.

She smiles, gentle and understanding. “You know what I mean.”

I do. That doesn’t make me any less self-conscious, or any of this less scary. But we’re already out here. I’ve already committed.

As I unbutton my long coat and step out of my shoes, Ink wonders what she will ask of us.

Honestly, I think, I have no idea.

Our minds merge, and we immediately set about rearranging our glass into a more practical form that we’ve come to prefer. It’s not significantly different. Some of it doesn’t even require Sculpting glass at all; changing where the void attaches to our bones can invert joints, for instance. We crouch down, on all fours, much of our spare glass floating around us, ready to shift into whatever new form we might need them for. Extra limbs—six is our preference—or teeth, or claws, or even a tail. The glass drifts around us, sometimes collecting in semblances of these shapes before shifting apart once more. The void likewise is spread over most of our body, both to act as our ligaments, but also to strengthen our limbs. Similar to the extra glass, excess blobs of the shadowy substance occasionally bubble off parts of our body, like the contents of a lava lamp, and languidly float around our being before merging back into different portions of void once more.

Noli kneels at our level. Her eyes are bright and fascinated. She reaches out a hand, and we shy back.

“Should I call you Kanin, or Ink?” she asks.

We hesitate, unsure for a moment. Then, using some of our excess glass, we sign, “Ink.”

She grins. “I still like that name a lot. And it’s very fitting at this moment. You look like an ink bottle that’s spilled all over the air. And the way the moonlight shines through the glass—it’s rather striking.”

We aren’t sure what to say to that. Curiosity and uncertainty war within us.

“Do you have memories from before you met Kanin?” she asks, saving us from having to reply to the previous remark.

We tilt our head. “Some.”

“Do you remember me?” She pinches her fingers together. “When I was just a little clockwork thing.”

We do remember that. We remember stabbing her, dismissively flinging her body against a wall. We remember when we considered consuming her soul. Regret stains our mood. “Yes.”

“And killing those two people?”

We cringe back, glass and void swirling around us in agitation.

“Sorry!” Noli signs. “Sorry. That was probably too much. I know this is hard. But please indulge me? I won’t draw this out.”

We wait, tense, fighting the urge to creep back into the woods and melt away into the shadows.

What—are we scared? We’re supposed to be a predator, not prey, aren’t we?

Indignation swells within us. We are not scared! We will face any challenge.

When we don’t respond, Noli continues. “Why did you kill them?” she asks.

That one is easy. “Their souls.”

Noli looks sad. “Why did you want their souls?”

“We needed them,” we emphasize. “Power. Strength. To remain here.”

“Out of the Between, you mean?” Noli asks, and we nod. “You haven’t taken anyone else’s since then. Why?”

Void swirls protectively around our chest, and we straighten with pride. “We have our own now. It’s strong enough. We don’t need more.”

“So it won’t happen again?” she asks. “If Kanin’s soul provides you with all the magic you need, there’s no reason to kill anyone else, right?”

We tip our head, considering. “We will kill to protect our soul. We will take a new soul if we lose this one.”

Noli grimaces. “I hope it will never come to that. But thank you for your honesty. I’ve just got one last question.”

Good. We haven’t really enjoyed this.

“Do you regret it?” she asks. “The lives you took.”

“No,” we sign. “Yes.” We pause, trying to sort through the turmoil of emotions attached to the memory of the dead dracid and felis.

We hadn’t regretted it at the time. We had just done what we needed to survive. Yet even that’s not entirely true—part of us had been horrified, and fought so hard to stop it. Now, when we think back, we understand our actions in a different context. We hadn’t really understood the concept of death then. We hadn’t even understood the significance of souls, except as a source of magic. A means to an end.

Now, we have a better understanding. Maybe if back then we’d had the understanding we do now, we might have acted differently. Perhaps we could have siphoned magic from the souls instead of consuming them all at once. Restraint wasn’t something we knew then. Maybe we would have taken just what we needed, and nothing more.

But it is a difficult concept to embrace. Restraint can lead to scarcity, and scarcity to weakness. Strength derives from accumulation. Accumulation of magic, of power, of people and belongings. The more we have, the safer we can be. Will we ever have enough to be satisfied?

“We don’t know,” we tell Noli honestly.

She gives us a sad smile. “That’s alright. It’s okay to still be working through some things. That means you’re growing. I’m proud of you. Thanks for letting me have this talk.”

Noli reaches out again, and though we still shy away, we don’t stop her when she gently places a hand on our head. Void pads the space between her hand and our glass, compressing like a marshmallow as she rubs her hand back and forth.

In the end, she’s right.

Everything likes head pats.