Big Trouble in Little China Needs A Reboot (VIDEO SCRIPT)

Remember: Just because something or someone is a product of its time, doesn’t mean it’s immune to criticism.

Nixon and Limbaugh are products of their time too, but that doesn’t stop them from deserving to burn in Hell and watch Lil’ Nas X give Satan a lapdance for all eternity.

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Readers, If I could have a moment of your time right quick, I wanna talk about John Carpenter’s Big Trouble in Little China. It uh...it doesn’t hold up

And to be fair, considering its origins and struggles leading up to its eventual release, it never really HELD anything to begin with.

I remember watching Big Trouble in Little China one time when I was young -- maybe 8 or 9 -- catching it one Saturday afternoon on TNT back when their logo looked like this...

And outside of the special effects, the costumes and the martial arts used, the story never really captivated me like other American movies with asian themes did like Eddie Murphy’s “The Golden Child.”

Then as I grew up, learned more about cultures other than my own and revisited it with a mind keen on storytelling, I just...felt sorry for the film. ESPECIALLY after learning everything it went through in order to get made.

/Because as it stands now, Big Trouble in Little China DEFINITELY deserves its B movie status. It’s an action adventure movie from the mid-80’s that people think is a parody of mystical martial arts movies, with Kurt Russell’s Jack Burton playing a loud and ignorant American hero loosely inspired by John Wayne in a sea of asian mysticism in San Francisco’s Chinatown./

But it also could’ve been SO MUCH MORE if the industry at the time wasn’t fine with allowing any and all white writers to put their spin on cultures they knew nothing about and weren’t willing to put in the proper amount of work in order to understand.

/Because despite the story that we got in Big Trouble in Little China, there IS a story that can be told within its core that can be just as fun, smart, action-packed, and -- dare I say -- AMERICAN without being subconsciously offensive to a group of people to do so, just waiting to be told by someone who not only understands the roots of San Francisco’s Chinatown, but also the culture and folklore that was brought to it by the immigrants that reside within, and the offspring that are carrying the torch to this day./

Basically, Big Trouble in Little China needs a reboot; a new movie based on the original, but isn’t focused on telling the same storyline as the source material it comes from.

But in order for people to understand WHY Big Trouble in Little China needs a reboot, we have to break down why the 1986 original doesn’t work. And one of the main reasons why it doesn’t work, is because the movie -- first and foremost -- was written to fulfill the desires of white men wanting to participate in both a genre and a culture they knew nothing about, and did limited research on, to the point that people who watch the final product nowadays think it was intended for parody.

And I’m telling you now, Readers; it wasn’t.

Despite it originally being written to be a western, original writers Gary Goldman and David Z. Weinstein wrote Big Trouble in Little China -- yes, even with the character of Jack Burton as the lead -- because they saw a bunch of martial arts movies that were utilizing state of the art visual and special effects at the time, and were like “we wanna do that, too!”

What was the movie Goldman and Weinstein were inspired by? I couldn’t tell you. And apparently, neither could they. In an article published by Cinefantastique in 1986, all Gary Goldman could tell you about what he saw was...

/“There were these monks fighting it out on a foggy, misty mountain top, all sorts of weird actions and special effects, shot against this background of Oriental mysticism and modern sensibilities. Just unbelievable stuff!”/ (Gary Goldman, Big Trouble in Little China: It’s action, adventure, effects-and more script woes for director John Carpenter, Sheldon Tietelbaum, Cinefantastique, July 1986, Vol. 16, #3)

(Pauses) Oriental...mysticism. (Huffs)

So yeah; what we got in Big Trouble in Little China version 1 are two white guys who saw a foreign martial arts film with special effects and wanted to emulate that for American audiences in the form of a Western, but couldn’t bother themselves to figure out the culture said film inspiration properly represented, and instead cherry picked from different asian cultures and called it “Chinese fantasy.”

But 20th Century Fox didn’t think the two writers would attract a director the likes of John Carpenter, and also thought the movie should be more modernized, considering the stance of the Western genre the mid to late 80’s.

So the studio hired W.D. Richter -- writer/director of the Buckaroo Banzai movie -- to give the script a Page One Rewrite, which is just what the name implies; a complete rewrite of the script from the first page onward.

Goldman and Weinstein weren't so pleased to hear the news.

And despite Richter thinking that their script was a serious mess during the almost 3 months he spent rewriting it, it’s clear by the final product that he ALSO fell for the same trap.

Because just like Goldman and Weinstein’s original script for the movie was just the results of two white boys fanboying over a cool martial arts movie with special effects they saw without knowing anything about the culture the movie was steeped in, outside of labeling it Chinese fantasy...

Richter’s at-the-time modern-day rewrite set in San Francisco’s Chinatown in the mid 80’s simply catered to America’s constantly growing fetishization with asian culture; ALL OF IT.

He thought he knew how to better handle what said fanboys wrote, but instead showed his ignorance in his own lack of knowledge of Chinese culture, mythology and mysticism in how he lumped Chinese, Japanese, and even Korean culture and folklore together in a way that is actually kinda insulting.

The proof of this can be easily found in the actual movie, especially when it comes to its villain and his subordinates.

/The only aspect of anything remotely Chinese that was referenced in the movie, outside taking place in the United States' very first Chinatown, was Quin Shi Huang -- the first emperor and the one who commissioned the Great Wall of China -- who cursed the movie’s villain David Lo Pan to remain incorporeal until he marries a woman with Jade colored eyes./

And even then, in order for him to rule the world once he’s human again, he has to SACRIFICE his bride to Ching Dai; the God of the East. A god...that is COMPLETELY made up for the movie.

No ties to Chinese folklore, or any of the OTHER asian mythologies and cultures that were picked to use as the basis for this movie AT ALL, when I’m absolutely certain one exists.

/Not even like the ties related to Lo Pan’s lackeys Rain, Thunder, and Lightning -- the ones that were the visual inspiration for Raiden’s character design in the Mortal Kombat games -- who are, like Raiden himself, inspired by the Japanese shinto deity brothers of thunder and wind Raijin and Fujin respectively, because thunderstorms would occur whenever they fought./

JAPANESE, not Chinese.

Like, if you’re gonna write a B-Movie based on Chinese mysticism, at least have the decency of doing enough research to properly depict their culture in ways that doesn’t both misinform others into thinking that it’s pretty much all the same thing or come off as offensive.

Which, might I add, the latter would’ve actually made it in the final version of the movie if John Carpenter didn’t make rewrites to Richter’s script of his own.

Because despite whether or not the intention of it was to be a serious drama or a comedic film, some of the best instances of a protagonist encountering elements outside of their array of culture and understanding in American stories always end with them taking away a newfound understanding and respect of the aspect of culture they engaged with. And non-asian characters engaging in asian culture are no different.

Japanese Americans respect Van Damme’s character in Bloodsport because despite being white, he gains a sense of understanding and respect for the Japanese martial art of Ninjutsu. The same can be said of Ralph Macchio’s Danny LaRusso in the Karate Kid, and Jayden Smith’s understanding of Chinese Kung-Fu in the remake.

/The reason why Big Trouble in Little China can’t reach that bare minimum standard, is because the movie doesn’t provide it. Despite the movie SAYING its Chinese and taking place in San Francisco’s Chinatown, there’s no real direct link to any specific Chinese culture the white american lead can learn from and appreciate, because everything that’s presented is just a amalgamation of multiple asian cultures with an overall oriental set dressing, and a plot that’s BARELY linked to anything outside of the one thing MOST Americans know about Chinese history just because its one of the 8th wonders of the world they learned about in school./

/And because Jack Burton’s ignorance matches that of Richter’s unwillingness to properly root the movie’s mysticism with the culture it’s supposed to represent, not only does it fall flat, but despite John Carpenter’s direction and attempt at fixing the problems in the script, it’s as derogative as much as it is offensive./ (Chinese are confusing line)

Because for everything Big Trouble in Little China does wrong when it comes to proper representation and decent storytelling, there are other movies that get things right. Even ones that treat their white male lead in a similar fashion.

The 1999 remake of the Mummy may have had Brendan Frasier’s american Rick O’Connell as the main character in a movie centered around Hollywood’s romanticism with ancient Egyptian culture and magic, but it actually stayed true to ancient Egyptian culture and magic.

/While they may not be made of obsidian and gold respectively, the Egyptian Books of both the Dead and Life are ACTUAL TEXTS THAT EXIST. Imhotep was a fictional depiction of an ACTUAL PRIEST. The sacred jars that held Anak-sun-amun’s organs are based on the actual traditional burial rites of ancient Egyptians; they did their research. And despite O’Connell’s gung-ho american himbo personality, there was still enough about ancient Egyptian mysticism that he learned over the course of the movie in order to gain respect for it./

/Hell, one could argue that he ALWAYS had that respect for it, which was why his opinions about Hamunaptra were the way they were when he first teamed up with Evee and Jonathan./ (Sand and blood)

And if you want an example that’s closer to when Big Trouble in Little China was released, you could even say the same thing about Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

No, I'm in no way shape or form saying that the Thugee cult feast in Pankok Palace wasn’t problematic.

What I AM saying is that when it came to developing a story using elements of Hindu mythology and culture due to Indy, Short Round and Willie crash-landing in India, they ACTUALLY used it to tell their original story.

/And whether or not it was a case of the scriptwriter either not correctly establishing their actual role in Hindu lore for the script, or Mola Ram leading the Thugee cult with a perverted ideology of the gods in question, not only are the deities Shiva and Kali mentioned throughout the film once the plot of the Sankara stones comes into play, but Indy himself goes through a personal arc that starts with him deciding to help the village for his own personal gain (Fortune and glory) and ends with him gaining a newfound respect in the Hindu beliefs the villagers uphold with the Sankara stone that was stolen from them/ (I understand its power now).

And that’s a LOT more growth than what Kurt Russell’s Jack Burton ended up walking away from Big Trouble in Little China with, despite being the white action star swept up in an adventure about “supposed” Chinese mysticism.

One could even say that Big Trouble in Little China is kinda an unintentional PERVERSION of Temple of Doom when it comes to the points I previously made. And that’s mainly due to how the movie provides a very “meh” reflection of the Indy/Shorty dynamic in Jack Burton and Wang Chi.

/While it's clear that Shorty helps Indy over the course of the movie -- especially breaking him out of the black sleep -- the film still gives Indy the development arc regarding everything. He grows and changes over the course of the movie, while Short Round is there to help guide Indy to his development destination./

But when it comes to Jack and Wang in Little China, it’s the exact opposite, despite Jack being the so-called “hero.”

/He doesn’t grow like his tomb-raiding counterpart because nothing about the plot motivates him to grow; everything he does is either for the sake of helping Wang Chi, getting his gambling winnings from Wang Chi, and getting his truck back. Not even the possibility of having Gracie Law as a love interest is motivation./

And because all of the things regarding Chinese mysticism in this movie are based on a collection of multiple asian cultures just for the sake of visuals and a necessity to move the story along, not to mention he stubbornly stays ignorant to it in a very “willfully ignorant american hero” type of way, he doesn’t learn or take away anything from the adventure he just encountered.

But you wanna know who does? Wang Chi.

/It’s Wang Chi’s fiance that’s kidnapped by Dan Lo Pan. It’s Wang Chi that’s dealing with the fact that the ghost stories he’s been told about his culture are true. It’s Wang Chi that has the most to gain and develop from this journey he’s going on and has shown that he learned from it as a result, despite being reserved to being Jack Burton’s martial artist best friend and sidekick; his “Short Round,” if you will./

If anything, it should be Wang Chi that’s the hero of Big Trouble in Little China. And I know exactly how to make that happen.

Instead of having this story told through the perspective of an ignorant white dude with a John Wayne complex that’s watched too many action movies, I would completely cut Jack Burton out of the Big Trouble in Little China reboot, and make Wang Chi the lead. If the movie is still going to take place in 1986, I’d make him a second generation Chinese American living in Chinatown running the restaurant his parents founded when they first immigrated to the states.

However, to help mirror and properly develop how he was in the original, I’d have Wang’s internal struggle be that -- thanks to his Americanization -- he doesn’t really buy into the traditions and mysticism his parents tried to teach him about surrounding his heritage and culture when. He was younger. I’d even have him entertain the concept of identity when it comes to Asian Americans born in the US being ashamed of their heritage, thanks to how ignorant white americans constantly make them want to hide that aspect of themselves. He's even thinking about selling the restaurant to the villain of the reboot to further distance himself.

NBC reporter Kimberly Yam wrote a very heart-felt thread on her Twitter account about that very same struggle, and I encourage EVERYONE to read it in order to get a better understanding about how minorities in America struggle with identity and cultural pride.

Now because I’m going that angle with Wang -- while also establishing the continuity of the characters in the original film -- I’d help reinforce his struggle by having Gracie Law be the woman he wants to get with in the beginning of the movie, thanks to his morals reflecting that of what he thinks white american society would approve of.

And as far as Mao Yin is concerned, I’d keep her as his childhood friend that he always had feelings for, but always kept secret and never acted on because doing so doesn’t fit into his ideology when we first learn about his mindset.

/Then, over the course of his adventure he learns that his culture and heritage is something to be proud of, and his journey allows him to see that between herself and Gracie, Mao Yin is who he truly loves and wants to be with./

And since we’re promoting Wang Chi to title character status and eliminating Jack Burton completely...

/That gives us ample room to move secondary character Eddie Lee to the role of the male best friend that accompanies him throughout his journey./

As far as using ACTUAL Chinese myth and legend instead of a made-up mythos that borrows from multiple cultures just for the sake of using at-the-time top of the line special effects, I’d use the myth of Chang’e -- the Goddess of the Moon -- along with her association with the Jade Rabbit, and the Chinese telling of the Elixir of Immortality as the basis for the plot.

The myth goes as follows: Hou Yi -- a brilliant archer -- was awarded an elixir of life for shooting down 9 out of the 10 suns in the sky because their combined heat constantly scorched the earth. But because he couldn’t bear the idea of living on forever without his wife Chang’e, he let her hold on to it for safe keeping.

Then one day while Hou Yi was out hunting, Fenmeng -- one of his disciples -- broke into their home with the intention of stealing the elixir for himself. So instead of giving him the elixir, Chang’e drank it and flew to the heavens, choosing to live on the moon as a way to be closer to her husband. Once Hou Yi found out what happened, he presented all of the fruits and cakes Chang’e liked as an offering to her, and killed himself in his sorrow.

The way I would go about adjusting the myth to fit this retelling of Big Trouble is that Chang’e annually descends to Earth on the full moon of the eighth lunar month -- which is usually when her worshippers leave offerings to her in real life. However, she usually has human hosts to occupy in order to do so, in which her companion the Jade Rabbit marks which humans would be worthy vessels for her by giving them jade-colored eyes.

/For this full moon, Chang’e chooses San Francisco -- more specifically, the first Chinatown created in the United States -- to spend her annual return to Earth in, and the Jade Rabbit chooses residents Gracie Law and Mao Yin as her potential hosts./

But a descendent of Hou Yi’s apprentice Fenmeng -- a sorcerer named David Lo Pan with a mortal disguise of a businessman trying to gentrify Chinatown and run out the minority demographic that live there, now that he has his OWN piece of the pie -- wants the immortality Chang’e acquired from drinking the potion all those years ago, and seeks to capture the female vessels chosen by the Jade Rabbit so that when Chang’e subconsciously possesses one of them during the full moon, he can easily acquire her immortality for himself by any means necessary.

/The character of Egg Shen -- originally played by The 3 Ninjas grandpa Victor Wong -- would still be a sorcerer like he was in the original, but one that’s part of an order dedicated to making sure Chang’e comes to no harm while she’s in human form once every year./

He’d reveal himself and his order to Wang and Eddie after their first attempt to save Mao that ends in Gracie getting kidnapped, and helps them rescue the two girls after explaining David Lo Pan’s plan of extracting Chang’e’s immortality from whichever one the Moon Goddess chooses to be her vessel.

And it's through the interaction and bonding between Egg and Wang that Wang gains a better sense of both self and heritage, while his reactions to the legends and mysticism of his culture provide a more genuine sense of comedy than just the type provided by an ignorant white guy with a mullet that just wants his gambling winnings and his delivery truck back.

Now I want it on record that I -- a fan of magic, mysticism, folklore legends and martial arts -- am black. (Pause) I know, right? I was JUST as surprised as you are.

And I, as an African American that has a love of storytelling, was EASILY able to come up with a plot for a Big Trouble in Little China reboot that utilizes elements of Chinese mythology, the importance of San Francisco being the first Chinatown established in the United States to Chinese immigrants, and the struggles the children of said immigrants deal with in America on a daily basis

BECAUSE I DID MY HOMEWORK

And even though I myself am a minority in this country that did my best to do right to another minority group in this country, I still acknowledge that this story that I whipped up, considering the perspective I’m giving it, is not really mine to tell!

It can be done so much better if it was conceived by a Chinese American. Properly written by a Chinese American. Directed by a Chinese American. Culturally advised by Chinese Americans

Which is why it’s so important that we as minorities fight for the right to both be able to tell our stories and be in the room to make sure the ones being told with us in mind stay on track.

Because Big Trouble in Little China as it currently stands is a prime example of what happens when the people and culture the story is about don’t have a say.

But I digress Readers. Your homework assignment for the day:

Write in the comment section below what YOU thought of Big Trouble in Little China if you’ve seen it

Or, if you feel like sharing with the rest of the class, a movie that you’ve seen that you feel could benefit from a reboot featuring the people and culture that the original otherwise used as a backdrop.

Whichever you decide to answer, I’d love to know your thoughts.