hello… (low energy today)
Added 2024-06-20 20:17:21 +0000 UTCgood evening everyone! It is currently 11PM and i am not feeling the best. today was even hotter than yesterday and i spent most of my day laying on the floor, gripping at every last bit of coolness i could get. at least i had plenty of water n ate light refreshing food. i had no way of exercising really, since it was too hot to even walk from a room to another, so i feel quite down.
i’d like to speak of a subject dear to me now, something that twists my very being every time i am remembered of it. humanity, to be precise, my humanity. what do i mean by this? well, the flesh and the mind. we are human because we have complex thinking, morals and little bodies that take us from a place to another, functioning like meaty machines, powered by circuits of nerves and blood vessels.
i hate being human. i have hated this body ever since the day i can remember. i always saw it as something horrific and impure, not a gift from god but a curse from the devil. why would an all loving, all powerful god, force us into bodies that are ill fitting, too small to fit our souls and the want. the all powerful want to inherit the heavens.
i feel filthy. i may bathe myself in holy water and withered rose petals but it’s a cruel reminder that i will never, ever, be pure again. purity is something i never even touched, i was born miserable, covered in maggots and grime, blood and dirt. we come from the earth, we go back to the earth, we never reach holiness. at least the trees will use my bones to grow tall enough to reach god.
what do i do. why must i be so flawed. what do i do
i apologize entirely for this peculiar entry, i don’t feel like myself today. i feel like my being is somewhere far away from me and i am floating in another spot in the universe. i hunger for the release from my mortality one day.
questions of the day: do you believe in a higher being? do you think this being loves us? do you think we were made out of love or hate? do you fit into your body?
i am unwell, but i hope you are better than i am.
much love, soda.
Comments
you put it very beautifully, i think you made very much sense, thank you for this answer. i am quite tired so i apologize for not being able to give a better reply </3
bunny tan
2024-06-21 11:32:25 +0000 UTCi was raised catholic but don't think i believed much asides from there being a higher being/power like it was mostly just going through the motions. lately i've been believing in Luck and that there is at least one(some ?) entity that can help you shift what it affects from where you would typically find yourself affected by it. it isn't something that i've put an awful lot of thought into but it's nice to think of it like that. i guess i also do believe in like "guardian angels" or like that they can sometimes affect what happens to us without us asking for help/change. i think they love us or at least otherwise care about us an amount. i think love and hate are like solving a maze from one end vs the other end, both are strong feelings that come in reaction to things we care for. sometimes i don't think i fit in my body, i'll find outlets that let me 'pretend' to be another me. all come from the same but are expressed differently. i don't think purity comes from one's body but one's self. we must still care for the body for without it we are nothing but an idea. sorry if this reads weirdly, it's pretty late
Tempest Legacy
2024-06-21 08:52:34 +0000 UTCthank you so much :( i appreciate your words more than you know!! thank you a lot for thinking so nicely of me <3 i hope you are well
bunny tan
2024-06-20 23:51:24 +0000 UTCI do believe in a higher power and in spirituality in a sense, but I wouldn’t consider myself to be religious if that makes any sense. We’re all in this world for a short time and we should make the most of it and try to do the most amount of good for ourselves and others as much as we can. I try my best to be a decent person and try to be a net positive in the world, despite my flaws. I think that you’re a wonderful person just the way you are. I know that I’m a stranger to you, but that is my genuine feeling. Keep doing good and live your life the best you can.
KamiTK
2024-06-20 21:39:46 +0000 UTC
