Checkin In

Hey, yinz. I'm going to do my best just to type something up and send out it there. 

I was sitting here wondering if I have turned myself into a ghost. I felt like I spent the day alone amongst others, nobody noticing me or caring to ask how I was doing. But I think I was depressed and putting off a vibe that intimidated people. 

What's really happening is my job is eating up my time and attention. However, in recent weeks, I've been able to carve out more space for myself. I've been writing most mornings, five hundred words in a notebook plus journaling. I don't know why it makes me feel better but it does. Or maybe I've generally been feeling better which has led to writing more. 

I wrote eight thousand words of this college guy discovering a mythical "glory hole house" on the edge of the city, where you pay $10 to get your dick sucked through a hole in a room full of them and other "straight" guys. He's introduced to it by his friend and my thought was to work toward him sucking off his friend anonymously, but I kept putting it off. 

Just meandering around in my imagination, first thing when I get up (post-breakfast and with coffee). It all feels inconsequential. I'm just not ready to share anything, or really finish anything. Meandering, story to story. 

Part of it is I'm not reading a ton. I haven't felt a passion for reading as I sometimes have in the past. Stephen King says writing and reading are two sides of the same coin. Talking and listening. Assertion and openness. In and out. Pole, hole. 

It really can all be traced back to fucking, can't it? 

Have I ever told you of my passion for drumming? "Hippie drumming," I call it. Drum circles. They're appropriative, but arguably also universal to humanity. We got a beat keeping us alive, bro. And you can sync it up with other people. That's what I love: the circle, the communication among people making beats, this way of syncing up and amplifying one another. They can definitely be cacophonous. The key is playing and listening at the same time. 

There's more of that going on in the summer, here in Pittsburgh, than right now. I've been dabbling in art - sketching, really, which is different for me and also feels inconsequential. But now I'm realizing how judgemental I sound, of myself. 

I think I'm in a terrible mood today. But, it got me to write to you. So, hi! Thanks for your support. I hope you're enjoying the stories - they really are exclusive, to this site, for the most part. I'm sorry I'm not posting more. I suppose I could try to keep doing updates like this. Maybe even take a sexy photo or two. We'll see.