Dose 𝓔leven

Dose Eleven Observations:
Subject is slowly beginning to struggle with distance.

⨳ ⨳ ⨳

The seconds felt like minutes, and the minutes felt like hours.

That was the best way I could describe how it all felt.

I laid in bed all of Saturday, rotating between sleeping and scrolling on TikTok.

Every time I woke up between each nap, I would recall everything.

I knew I made the right choice for myself—it wasn’t that.

I mean, I worked too hard for her to ruin all my progress.

She chose to ruin all of this months ago.

She chose to lie to me.

To break me without further concern.

She didn’t want me—I don’t think she ever really did.

I came to that conclusion over the last few months.

She simply had this obsession she wanted to feed.

Once she was satisfied, she no longer needed me anymore.

She could move on with her life.

And even take over Levane when she claimed it was the last thing she wanted to do.

I’ll never let her do what she did.

I’ll never let her break me again.

So what happened in her office needed to happen.

It’s just fucking annoying that it made me spiral.

The feeling is still all too familiar after weeks of being free of it.

The weight on my chest, the dread, and anxiety.

I forced myself out of bed on Sunday.

Lia had texted me about coffee, so I thought, why not?

I knew some kind of human interaction would be good for me.

Also, I needed to get out of my apartment and inhale some fresh air, even if it’s rainy.

As much as I wanted to stay cooped up and buried under piles of covers, I knew it wasn’t healthy.

It would only make me feel worse.

I needed to kill this feeling with action.

I didn’t force myself to get dressed up whatsoever.

It was a sweatshirt and leggings kind of day.

I pulled on ruffle socks, a pair of Asics, and one of those stretchy black headbands that I pulled over my head and pushed up past my face, keeping any stray hairs out of my face.

My face was bare, but glowing from my skincare.

I also lined my lips and added a little gloss on top to feel somewhat put together.

Then I left my apartment, insisting to Jynx that I wouldn’t be gone long.

I had dinner with Zion and Sarai after all.

They didn’t really give me an option, especially after I said how “busy” I was on Saturday.

Zion was concerned, I could tell.

Friday was such a fucking rollercoaster, and I knew that he knew something was up after how I left Levane that day.

I planned to fill them in today, now that everything feels a little more settled.

The heaviness isn’t as bad as it was, and time doesn’t feel like it’s sped up so much that it feels dreadful.

They’ll probably even be proud of me, and god knows, I need to talk about what happened out loud instead of replaying it in my head.

The one bright side is that I’m stuck with Briggszilla again.

I fucking hate her, but it was better than the alternative.

“What can I get for you today?” the barista asked with a polite smile.

“Uh, just two medium white chocolate pumpkin mochas,” I said, briefly glancing at the menu I had been staring at for a few minutes in line. “Hot, please,” I added before he had to ask.

Hopefully, Lia will like these.

I was going to let her get her own order, but I wanted to be nice and get it for her.

I’m early too, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt.

“Got it,” he said, tapping a few times on the screen. “Is that all today?”

I nodded, “That’s it,” I murmured, glancing down at the screen on my side that suddenly displayed my total.

I lowered my phone down to the card terminal, using Apple Pay for the order.

“Your order will be out in a few minutes,” the barista said with a smile once my payment was processed with a soft ding.

I nodded politely, “Thanks,” I murmured, stepping off to the side so the person behind me could get their order.

It was a little busier than usual, but then again, it was raining and Sunday, so I guess people were drawn to the café scene.

Luckily, the coffees didn’t take more than ten minutes, and there were two free barstools at the window looking out to the sidewalk, wet with drizzling rain.  

Lia walked into the café just as I sat down, her glossy brown hair down in effortless waves.

A few strands were pulled out of her face by a clip, and I genuinely contemplated how her hair looked that good after being out in the rain.

She had on a short black coat with a mauve pleated dress underneath, stockings covering her legs, and a pair of ballet flats on her feet.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” Lia quickly said as she approached me.

“Girl, it was only five minutes,” I pointed out as she sat down on the barstool beside me. “It’s really no worries.”

“I know, but I hate keeping you waiting,” she said, shrugging her coat off. “I tried to time my hair appointment with coffee.”

“Don’t worry about it. I already got you a coffee too,” I said, gently sliding the other coffee cup towards her. “It’s a white chocolate pumpkin mocha.”

Lia smiled immediately. “Sounds delicious. Thank you for ordering,” she murmured. “Next one is on me.”

I nodded. “Deal,” I determined, my eyes shifting away from her light blue eyes. “No wonder your hair looks so good. You must have an amazing stylist.”

Lia nodded a few times, “She’s the best. She normally darkens my roots more and adds a little gloss, so my hair looks shiny,” she said, taking a brief sip of her coffee.

“Well, it looks really good,” I said, still eyeing her hair.

“Yours always looks really good too, babes,” Lia said, waving my compliment off with a smile. “Especially your curls.”

I tilted my head immediately, my brows furrowing because—

“I don’t wear my hair curly anymore.”

My words came out confused, skeptical, almost.

“Right, yes, I know,” Lia said, blinking a few times. “I-kind of looked at your Instagram, so I saw it on there.”

“Oh,” was all I could get out, taking a brief sip of my coffee.

I guess that makes sense.

“It’s odd, I know. I don’t have an account. I was only curious, so I looked you up,” Lia quickly explained, making me shake my head.

“It’s not weird at all,” I assured her as I lowered my coffee. “I would probably do the same thing.”

Actually, I have done the same thing.

On numerous occasions.

Lia pursed her lips into a smile. “Okay, good,” she whispered, looking away from me. “So, how has work been for you? Every time we speak, it feels like you hate it more,” she joked.

“Not bad,” I lied, mostly because I didn’t want to get into it.

Lia’s brows raised slightly. “That’s a new answer.”

“I’m getting more adjusted,” I determined, taking another sip of my coffee as we continued catching up on everything.

The coffee I got us was so good that we went for a second cup.

And a slice of pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting.

It was nice talking to Lia, and then also being out and about around people.

Even if the café was always busy, to the point that it was a little overstimulating.

After about an hour, we parted ways, and I headed back to Jynx.

She was waiting for me on her blush pink bed, sprawled out comfortably with a look that read—

Finally.

I decided to go ahead and feed her before we headed down to Zion and Sarai’s.

It was leftover salmon that I had specifically cooked for her last night.

I also freshened up her water bowl.  

I sat with her while she ate her food since she would throw a fit if I walked away.

I also made sure she got a little bit of water, too.

Then I scooped her into my arms, heading out of my apartment toward the elevators.

A few levels down, Zion and Sarai were already in the midst of cooking.

That was made obvious when Sarai opened the door, and a delicious aroma wafted out into the hallway.

It made my mouth water as I walked past her into their familiar apartment.

Zion was focused on tossing the freshly cooked wings in sauce, and Sarai seemed to be on mac and cheese duty.

She had made it from scratch instead of making the usual Annie’s Mac and Cheese from the box.

She still used the same shell-shaped pasta, though, because we all preferred it that way.

“Wow,” I murmured, staring at the cheese pull as Sarai tried to take a scoop out of the baked mac and cheese dish.

“It looks so good, right?” she asked, carefully scooping the mac and cheese onto Zion’s plate of hot wings.

“Really good,” Zion said as I nodded a few times, ready to get my own scoop.

Jynx was sprawled out comfortably on my lap as I sat at the table with them, watching Sarai scoop some of the cheesy pasta onto my plate next.

Then I dug into the hot wings and mac and cheese.

I dipped each wing generously in ranch, and right after, I would take a bite of the mac and cheese, enjoying the mix of flavors.

There wasn’t any conversation.

Not while we ate at least.

We were all silently eating, Zion tapping the table like a drummer while Sarai nodded her head to the happy beat she was humming to.

I unconsciously bounced my legs up and down—at least until Jynx glared at me with a look that threatened she would get up and leave me to my annoying leg bounces.

I stuck to nodding my head instead, keeping my legs still so Jynx could relax again.

Dinner really hit the spot.

I was perfectly full by the time I finished, almost feeling warm all over.

It was nice to be back at Zion and Sarai’s place—one day felt like forever away from them.  

“Friday was crazy, wasn’t it?” Zion suddenly asked, sitting down on the couch with me and Sarai.

Jynx was cuddled up against Sarai, who was focused on petting her snowy fur.  

“Pretty crazy,” I sighed, knowing it was probably time to fill them in.

“Zi was worried about you,” Sarai murmured, glancing up from Jynx. “I was, too, of course. He said you seemed anxious.”   

I pursed my lips, nodding once before I said—

“We talked.”

“We?” Zion immediately emphasized. “As in you and Monroe?”

Sarai’s eyes were wide—so were Zion’s, waiting for my next words.

“Yeah,” I breathed the word out, glancing away from them both. “I told her to leave me alone forever.”

“Oh,” Sarai whispered awkwardly. “Good.”

“Really good,” I heard Zion emphasize.

There was a protectiveness to his tone.

“She told me,” I suddenly continued. “How much she wasn’t trying to be selfish, but that when she saw me at Levane…” I trailed off, trying not to think back to the heavy conversation we shared. “She was grateful.”

Silence.

That’s what we were left with.

I knew they were processing my words and how to respond to them.

“I told her that seeing her was basically my worst nightmare,” I continued to speak. “And she said she respected my wishes. That she would give me space.”

“That’s good, Libs,” Sarai whispered softly.

“I agree,” Zion didn’t hesitate to say.

I nodded, my lips parting, but no words came out.

I stalled for seconds on end before finally saying—

“She started rolling up her sleeves.”

More silence.

It was tensely silent for a few seconds, all of us navigating this difficult conversation together.

“Rolling up her sleeves?” Zion emphasized, his tone completely confused.

“It’s something she does,” I murmured, staring down at my lap. “I think it distracts her from spiraling. I don’t know. I just know it’s not good when she does it.”

 “Okay, so she started doing that,” Sarai said, earning one nod from me.

“Yeah, and I guess that was hard for me,” I whispered, blinking a few times. “I wasn’t actually busy yesterday.”

“We know,” they both said in sync, the words lowered with caution.

I hummed in acknowledgment with a small smile, unsure what I should say next.

“Well, it’s good that you stuck up for yourself,” Sarai determined, patting my back. “She put you through hell—”

“And she’s killed people,” Zion suddenly emphasized, clinging onto that one fact that I realized I should’ve never slipped up on.  

“I know,” was all I said, nodding a few times to myself.

Their reassurance felt good.

Yet I still felt this hollowness in my stomach.

I was still anxious about it all, but I knew it would go away.

I just wasn’t sure how soon.

Zion and Sarai spent the next hour giving me a good pep talk, and somehow I still went back to my apartment feeling off.

I was hoping the next morning it would be gone, especially since I had to be at Levane bright and early.

But no.

The heavy feeling still weighed me down.

The ride to Levane was nerve-racking, feeling anxious about what the day would bring.

If I would run into her.

I stuck to the dress code yet again, wearing slate grey dress pants from my own collection with a white blouse and short stiletto heels.

My hair was down in waves, my face bare of any makeup.

I didn’t really feel like putting in that much effort anymore, especially not to come here.

The definition of hell.

The gatekeeper of it all was waiting for me and Zion in the lobby, clearly fucking ecstatic that she got to manage us again.

“Everyone’s dressed appropriately today,” was the first thing Briggzilla said, clutching her iPad in her arm.

She was in her usual calf-length skirt with tan stockings and a blouse that came up to her neck.

“Friday was sloppy,” Kara spoke again when neither of us said anything. “Ms. Fierro, your work was left unfinished. Mr. Lewis, a few corrections have been noted and left on your desk by your project manager.”

Grayson.

She’s talking about Grayson, but can’t even say the man’s name like a normal person.

“Got it,” Zion said as we approached the elevators.

I didn’t say anything.

I honestly wanted to go the entire day without saying anything.

Without giving my energy to a single person here.

“No one leaves today with work unfinished,” Kara clarified as we waited at the elevators. “Finish or correct your work from Friday and get Monday’s tasks done as well. That alone is the bare minimum. The team is carrying the weight of your laziness on their backs right now.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at her words.

Actually, I did.

I couldn’t help myself.

But Kara didn’t even notice.

She was too busy stepping onto the elevator with everyone else when one of them dinged open.

Zion and I followed on, too, prepared to hear more of a lecture from Briggszilla.

But she was silent for once, tapping on her iPad as the elevator stopped on various levels.

I was thankful for the silence, hating even the mere sound of her high-pitched bitchy voice.

I think she could be genuine, and it would still come off as an insult.

There’s no way she has friends.

Her family probably hates her, too.

I drew in a subtle breath when I felt the elevator slowly stop on the next level.

The lab level.

My heart sped up just a little more than normal.

Or maybe it raced.

My heart was racing.

At least until the doors dinged open to reveal Dr. Wexler.

All alone, with no one by her side.

She was in her usual white lab coat and glasses—yes, the ones with the crack running down one of the lenses.

Her red hair was tied up, pulled away from her face covered in light makeup.

“Updates on the latest trial?” Kara asked, suddenly looking up from her iPad at Dr. Wexler.

“Not quite,” Dr. Wexler said, meeting Kara’s beady stare. “Dr. Leclair recently got into office, so things are a little delayed.”

Kara’s thin brows furrowed immediately, looking awfully confused for someone who’s supposed to be this woman’s gatekeeper.

Meanwhile, I tried to zone them out and not be nosy, but that felt impossible with the conversation happening directly in front of me.

“I was told she was in at six,” Briggszilla pointed out, lowering her iPad completely.

Dr. Wexler shrugged. “I assumed she got in late. That assistant said she wasn’t taking meetings until after eight-thirty.”

Kara only hummed once, staring at Dr. Wexler.

And Dr. Wexler seemed to be staring right back at her.

Then—

Their eyes shifted to me, making me glance away from them both immediately.

It was awkward.

So awkward that I wanted to whistle like a cartoon character, but luckily, the doors dinged open before I had a chance to make the moment worse.

I should’ve minded my business like Zion, who I walked close beside down the hallway toward the tech division.

Everyone was getting unpacked and set up at their desks when we walked into the cubicle space.

“Chipper,” Grayson said, acknowledging me first. “Zion,” he said next, glancing over to my best friend. “We need to get you a nickname.”

Zion chuckled as we walked toward our desks. “We really don’t,” he determined, making me smile slightly.

At least until I stopped by my desk, noticing the to-go container on my desk.

There was a green sticky note on it that read—

Grabbed you breakfast. Happy Monday!
-Eliza

I smiled at the thoughtful note left behind, peeling it off the container to see what she had gotten me.

It was avocado toast with scrambled eggs on the side.

A little healthier than I would normally go for, but I still decided to eat it.

I never got a chance to have breakfast this morning, so the timing was good, and it was nice of Eliza to think of me.

I wouldn’t just waste the food or pass it off to someone like that.

As I logged onto my computer, I began taking the lid off the container, my stomach growling at the idea of eating.

I began working on the task that I never finished on Friday, taking bites of the crispy avocado toast in between typing or clicking.

A part of me anticipated it.

Anticipated her.

I knew she would walk by at some point.

Probably soon, after Dr. Wexler mentioned meeting with her.

They would probably head down to the lab together.

But she never passed by.

Dr. Wexler did.

Briggszilla did a few times, too.

It was a good thing that she never walked past.

That’s what I told myself, even if I kept anticipating her presence at some point during the day.

I don’t know why I felt off when the day slowly came to an end.

I should’ve felt relieved.

I was disappointed instead.

The feeling was stupid, honestly.

I knew it was, and I refused to play into it.

I chose to be happy instead as I walked through the parking garage with Zion, thankful to not have seen her once.

Even if her face was flashing all in my head.

I was technically seeing her whether I liked it or not, and it was irritating.

The drive home was fucking hard, too.

Just me sitting with my thoughts until I suddenly turned on music, trying to distract myself as best as I could.

Once I got home, I focused on Jynx and even dinner, allowing her to fade completely from my mind.

I felt better after eating the pancakes I made.

I also had some strawberry yogurt after, since I still felt hungry.

Then I laid with Jynx on the couch, gently petting her fur as I watched TV.

She was tucked against my stomach—the furry throw blanket over us both.

A content sigh fell from my lips as I closed my eyes for a few minutes, completely relaxing into the couch.

Then I opened my eyes again, focusing back on the TV until I decided to get up so I could get ready for bed.

At least until sharp knocks echoed from the front door, making me glance over with furrowed brows.

I looked over at the microwave displaying the time—

9:07 PM.  

It was probably Zion or Sarai.

I let out a deep sigh, walking over toward the door as Jynx remained sprawled out on the couch, sleeping.

My eyes widened as soon as I opened the door—

Coming face-to-face with her.

She looked so out of place standing at my doorstep, her posture high and her silky brown hair down and as perfect as usual.

She wore the familiar black collared shirt and dress pants that I recognized, her stilettos giving her even more height.

It made me tilt my head back slightly, silently processing her presence as I met her blue eyes.

“Why,” was all I could get out.

It was meant to be a question, but somehow it came out as a statement.

“I don’t know,” Monroe said, her soft voice sending goosebumps down my spine. “You wanted me here.”

“No, I didn’t,” I immediately said, shaking my head as I took a step back.

She took a step forward.

“Monroe,” I warned, finally saying her name aloud for the first time in months.

“You wanted to see me today,” she said, as if it were a fact.

It wasn’t.

Maybe it was, but I wouldn’t even think about admitting to it.

“I’m here,” she spoke again, her stare not wavering from mine. “Because you wanted to see me, Liberty.”

I shook my head, “No—”

I cut myself short when she took another step forward, and suddenly the world had faded away faster than I could process.

It felt like it was just us.

And there was this warmth.

A warmth that burned between us.

It was this odd feeling of comfort.

Maybe even familiarity, too.

The words echoed in my head even if I couldn’t get them out.

I did want to see you.

But just as I parted my lips—

Everything faded around me.

Her familiar face was the only thing I clung to before my eyes shot open.

And I woke up on the couch, processing that I had fallen asleep.

I was out of breath, my heart racing, and my head pounding so hard that it made me groan.

I buried my face into the couch as Jynx crawled on me, her icy blue eyes haunting me for once.

Only because I had another pair of blue eyes weighing down my head.

Weighing me down to the point where I couldn’t breathe.

I had to look away from Jynx and her blue eyes completely, annoying tears blurring my vision as I tried to filter back into reality.

Away from the dream I just had.

Or nightmare.

But fuck, I would be lying if I said it was a nightmare.

If I said her at my doorstep made me feel anything but excited.

But excitement doesn’t change anything.

It doesn’t change the decisions that have been made.