Smooth Sailing Chapter 6: East Blue 2

Chapter 6: East Blue 2

Captain Yoshua was bored. He had better things to do than listen to Prince Tritobu throw a fit, but here he was, forced to stand around and listen to the tantrum in the middle of the throne room.

It was a nice throne room, as far as they went. Polished marble floors and pillars, red carpet, tapestries depicting highly exaggerated deeds of the royal family, and the crystal chandeliers hooked up with lightbulbs powered by the latest in Vegapunk electrical generators, all tied together with a large gold throne that could seat two whole men.

‘Shame about the people in it,’ Yoshua sighed within the privacy of his mind.

“…and I want her found now! NOW! You hear me?!” Prince Tritobu whined petulantly, stomping a foot furiously. He wasn’t quite flailing around on the floor, but he wasn’t too far from it.

“Of course, my boy, of course!” King Furrari promised. “We will find your maid and bring her back to the kingdom!”

Yoshua didn’t give a damn about the prince’s mistresses. Oh, they were called ‘maids’ but everyone knew what they really were.

No, what he was concerned about was the pirate who’d ‘kidnapped’ the seamstress and her ‘roommate.’

From the conversation witnesses had overheard, she’d called herself as part of a crew going by the name of ‘Iron Mace Pirates.’ Furthermore, another couple of people nearby had claimed that one of the women had called the kidnapper and aggressor ‘Miss Alvida.’

Now, Yoshua wasn’t the strongest captain in the Marines. Nor was he the smartest. But even he could add two and two together: ‘Iron Mace’ Alvida was alive. She hadn’t perished as Lieutenant Wooster had claimed.

Sure, there was a chance that somebody was just reusing Alvida’s name and was using her reputation since the Alvida Pirates, led by ‘Iron Mace’ Alvida, were officially dead and disbanded. But he wasn't so sure.

Thus, it led Yoshua to believe Wooster had lied. The lieutenant was decently strong and skilled with a sword, but he was old. Him being able to take down Alvida was possible, but the fact no corpse had been presented made it hard to confirm for sure.

‘I’ll write up a report and send it along to Eastern HQ, but I don’t think Wooster will get more than a slap on the wrist for lying. Not with Captain Nezumi in his corner,’ Yoshua thought with a mental huff.

Amongst all of the Marine captains in the East Blue, Nezumi was easily one of the worst, and not just because he was weak as shit and only got his position through bribes and cronyism. He was cruel and conniving, and his actions ensured that the scummiest Marines all congregated around him. He protected them in exchange for kickbacks, and had ensured that plenty of Marines got away with rightful punishments.

“Captain!”

“Yes, your majesty?” Yoshua asked, finally forced to return his attention to the present and the two lard buckets in the throne room.

“I want you to send out as many Marines as you can to arrest this pirate and bring the woman back!” King Furrari demanded.

“I’ll get right on it, your majesty,” Yoshua lied through his teeth, snapping a salute.

The Marine took the chance to leave, using the excuse of ‘preparing the troops’ for just that. As if he’d actually send anyone out after them. Not yet, at least. If this really was the real Alvida, it was clear something had happened.

‘Did she visit an Underworld doctor and get a weight loss surgery?’ Yoshua wondered. ‘Or perhaps she ended up with a Devil Fruit power that altered her body.’

Either option was a problem. The former meant that the Underworld was moving deeper into the East Blue, where before they’d been a limited factor. The latter was just as bad, as who knew what sort of power she could have obtained?

‘A report to HQ seems like the only thing I can do right now,’ Yoshua thought as he strolled out of the castle. He’d throw Wooster under the Sea King too in the report. That would make him feel better. And who knows? Maybe he’d finally be forced to retire!

Though the Marine couldn’t help but wonder: what was ‘Iron Mace’ Alvida doing right now?

111 &&& 111

As I lay awake, listening to the quiet snores of the two women on the bed beside me, I realized I had a problem. And it was a big one! The issue? I was not gay.

Err, I should probably clarify that.

What I mean to say is I still have a man’s brain despite being in this body. I still find women incredibly attractive. Men? Eh, not so much. There was still some leftover Alvida hormones sloshing around in my brain, but I wasn’t attracted to them.

‘I need a dick,’ I decided after some thought.

Easier said than done, though. Such a thing was incredibly difficult. I had only two options, really. Ivankov of the Revolutionary Army, or Doctor Vegapunk. And neither were exactly available to me.

Ivankov was in Impel Down for the foreseeable future. And Vegapunk was in the New World guarded by the Marines and his various insane creations.

‘I could try to Slip through the defenses of both of them with my Devil Fruit, but I wouldn’t want to risk it,’ I thought to myself.

Impel Down was supposedly impenetrable and inescapable. Until Luffy broke in and then staged the largest jailbreak in history, that is. Even then, I doubted it would be too hard to get past some of the defenses there.

The real problem was arriving at Impel Down. The Gates of Justice didn’t open for just anyone, and unless I snuck onto a Marine ship then there was no way through. And I wasn’t about to get captured for the plan, either, since they’d slap me in Seastone faster than I could say ‘Please be gentle.’ That would make my powers useless.

And even if I did get in, who was to say somebody with Observation Haki wouldn’t catch me? No, braving Impel Down was a bad idea. I could wait until Ivankov was freed if I had to.

‘Not to mention there’s no guarantee Ivankov would help. Or that the male version of Alvida would be a body type I’d actually want,’ I mused.

If my suspicions about her heritage were correct, becoming a guy could end up causing my potential Buccaneer blood to come to the fore, and that would be dangerous if a World Noble decided he wanted a new slave.

The other option was getting Vegapunk to do it. If the man could splice DNA, grow clones, as well as make cyborgs and whatever the hell his Satellites were, then he could damn well give a lady a boner.

And honestly? Easiest of the options right now. I could probably bribe Vega-Lilith with a bunch of treasure to do the operation. She was always complaining about a lack of funding, after all. Hard part would be actually getting to Egghead Island and not being turned into ash by the defenses. Or running into a certain laser themed admiral.

‘Plus, if I’m honest… I’ve started getting used to this body,’ I thought, looking down at my voluptuous chest and resisting the urge to fondle myself. Boy was it hard, though!

I was Alvida now, warts and all, and I didn’t know if it was the Devil Fruit or something else, but I was fine with it. I still hated having periods (something I’d have to find a way to better deal with on my own for now) but this was certainly more interesting a life than the one I’d had on Earth.

‘I’m already starting to forget what I looked like as a guy as well,’ I admitted to myself in the privacy of my mind. That honestly scared me a little bit, but what else could I do? I’d not seen my original form in days.

I recalled the broad strokes, but it was slowly getting fuzzier the more time I spent unable to get a glimpse of my old reflection.

“You know what? I’ll give the Futa route a try,” I said aloud, making up my mind after thinking deeply on the matter. Next to me, Eliza snorted in her sleep and rolled over, while Jodie hogged more of the blankets.

As soon as we hit the New World and established Buggy as a Warlord I was getting on a boat to Egghead Island and bribing a mad scientist into giving me a dick and balls!

‘Wow, when I think about it, that’s really ridiculous,’ I thought with a wince. ‘What even is my life right now?’

After resting in the hammock for another couple of minutes, I eventually got up, softly putting my feet down on the floor. It was the crack of dawn, so I’d let the two lovers sleep a bit longer, but I was already up and decided to relieve whoever was on night duty right now.

‘I think Hep should be just about finishing up the final hours of his nightshift,’ I thought to myself.

I opened the door slightly and Slipped through without having to fully open it up. That was a new trick I’d figured out. Like an octopus, I could squeeze myself through openings that I shouldn’t be able to. A new application of the Smooth-Smooth Fruit letting me Slip and Slide around.

Combined with my ability to Slip beneath people’s notice, I could now play the role of an amazing thief if I was so inclined.

‘Perhaps the paper bag should come back at some point?’ I thought to myself with amusement as I quietly Slipped by the sleeping goats so I didn’t wake them.

Putting that on to get my treasure back from Wooster had been funny, and there was no reason it wouldn’t work again elsewhere. Plus, it could be fun!

Stepping out onto the deck, I took a deep breath of the fresh and salty sea air. It was rather invigorating, and the reddish-orange horizon was quite the beautiful sight as the sun slowly rose.

We’d left the Nagagutsu Kingdom behind three days ago, and were currently headed to the Frauce Kingdom. There was no reason in particular, I just wanted to see what this world’s version of France was like.

Since I had no idea where Buggy or the Straw Hats currently were, I was just planning to sail about to see what exciting thing happened next.

A squawk in the sky brought my eyes up to the News Coo circling overhead. I beckoned for the seagull-albatross hybrid to descend. It did, with a stack of newspapers in its pouch. Paying for a copy, I checked the front page.

‘Hmm… it’s currently January 18th,’ I thought to myself, reading the date on the newspaper.

I’d had my lights punched out on January 2nd after fishing Luffy’s barrel out of the water. And right after that, the Marines swooped in and Lieutenant Wooster burned Goat Island down, killing and capturing most of my crew.

‘I woke up a day later, based on what Hep, Pep, and Pop told me regarding when Goat Island was attacked. After that… well, I’ve spent two weeks in this new world after taking over Alvida’s body,’ I thought to myself.

The timeline in One Piece was a bit all over the place, but I did recall a few things, like how it was February 19th when the Straw Hats decided to take Vivi to Alabasta… and when Robin (as Miss All-Sunday) blew up Igaram’s decoy boat.

The only other time I could recall for certain was March 25th, as it was the day the Thousand Sunny was christened and Franky joined the Straw Hats.

That meant, in the span of three months, Luffy went from nobody to Supernova. Honestly, that was absurd. The entire pre-timeskip adventure didn’t even take a full year! Hell, it probably didn’t even take half a year, given the way things seemed to line up.

Seeing nothing immediately of note on the front page of the World Economic Press, I flipped to the section for the East Blue to see what new.

The international newspaper was an impressive collection of knowledge. It had several sections dedicated to each of the Four Blues and the Grand Line, allowing people from the North Blue to know what was happening in the South Blue, or to inform citizens about the latest news from the Marines in the Grand Line.

Perhaps the most important part of the newspaper, for pirates at least, was the Bounty Listings. They contained dozens of updated numbers, provided insight onto newcomers, and allowed folks to know who were the most dangerous people sailing around at the moment.

There was no word in the paper about me, yet. Two days ago, a small article about a pirate ship escaping Nagagutsu Kingdom’s ‘navy’ had appeared, but I wasn’t mentioned, nor was anything else.

Reading it, the article seemed to claim that the kingdom had driven off the pirates with only minor loses and prevented the despoiling and looting of Vercase all on their own. Since I knew the truth, I'd simply snorted.

‘Leave it to the nobles to try and pretend they didn’t let a criminal get away,’ I thought with amusement. ‘And of course, they’d never let it known that the prince was at fault.’

When I was done looking through the newspaper and saw nothing of note, I made my way up to the helm.

“Morning, Captain Alvida,” Hep said as I walked up. He kept his eyes straight ahead, but couldn’t keep a yawn from slipping out.

“Morning. Anything interesting or unusual to report?” I asked.

“Some morning fog but it cleared up quick,” Hep replied. “I saw a couple of Jumping Amberjack on the port side before you came out, but they left too quick to bother with.”

“We’re still good on food, but nice work keeping an eye out for anything else we could catch,” I said with a nod. You never knew when a bit of extra would be needed. And after a while, when the fresh supplies ran out, dried and preserved food got old pretty easily.

I then slapped Hep on the back. Gently, though. Didn’t want him to do a flip over the wheel. “Alright, I’ll take over. You get your brothers up, then take a rest.”

“Thanks, Captain Alvida,” the tanned man said, not bothering to hide his yawn this time as he let go of the wheel.

I took his place, and kept us on course as he walked down to where his brothers were snoozing away in the cabin, sprawled out on the floor surrounded by goats.

‘We really need something bigger soon,’ I thought, not for the first time.

My initial estimation of how many people we could fit on the Lovey Dovey had been correct, but I hadn’t thought about the goats. Sure, they were tiny, but three dozen rabbit-sized goats was a bit too much even for me. I was willing to admit, I’d made a mistake. The goats were a bit too much.

Where would we even get a new ship, though? Alvida’s memories, the few I could access, were scarce on the details regarding shipbuilding sites. And none of them were pirate friendly.

‘We may have to steal something,’ I thought. That would be very pirate-like and on brand for the crew, at least.

While thinking on the matter of new ships, Pep and Pop staggered out, yawning as they got to work. They handled the sails and began to scrub the decks

An hour later, there was a delicious smell of eggs, pancakes, and fish-bacon wafting from the galley, and my stomach growled loudly.

“Got your breakfast ready, captain!” Jodie said as she and Eliza left the cabin, arms full of plates with food piled high on them. Eliza served Pep and Pop who took their plates gratefully, while Jodie walked up to me.

“Thanks,” I said, grabbing a plate with one hand. I then loaded up eggs and fish-bacon onto the pancakes and ate them like breakfast burritos. I did all this while steering the small ship, which wasn’t easy.

“How much further are we from Frauce?” Jodie asked between bites of her own meal.

“Another day out,” I informed her. “Should get there by… noon, if the weather holds.”

“Eliza is looking forward to it,” Jodie said, making conversation. “She says the fashion of Frauce is quite interesting.”

“It has its charms,” I conceded. “Bit too lacy for my tastes, though.”

She just shrugged, then took another bite of egg. “We’re out of eggs and flour, by the way,” she said after a moment.

“And the rest of the food?” I inquired.

“Well, there’s still fish. Some bulbs of onion and garlic, a bit of salted butter, and a jar of pickled beets,” Jodie replied. “Oh, and the peaches. But that’s it.”

I grunted. Guess that’s what happens when you only bought food for four, but brought two new crew mates on last minutes.

“We’ll buy extra at Frauce,” I promised. “Enough for ten people. Just in case.”

“A wise choice,” Jodie agreed. “Some new pots and soil for the trees will be needed, too.”

“Right, right. How bad are they?” I asked.

“Oh, those are Kong Peaches. Very hardy. They can even survive on salt water for a little while,” Jodie assured me. “The main issue is that their roots need more space. The pots you put them in are too small, and if we don’t let them spread out a bit, they’ll start to tangle themselves up.”

“And we don’t want that,” I mused.

“Nope,” the gardener agreed.

For a bit longer we stood there, watching the sky. It was quiet. Peaceful. And it was like this for the rest of the day. But as the late afternoon rolled around, the waves became choppier, the wind picked up, and I struggled to keep ahold of the steering wheel.

“Water’s getting rough,” I grunted. “Jodie, you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine!” she claimed, though she looked a little green. The brunette would get her sea legs sooner, I had no doubt.

“Captain! Captain! I see a Fat-Claw Crab! Over on the Starboard side!” Pep suddenly shouted from his spot at the top of the mast.

“Eh? Giant crab?” I uttered, peering off into the direction my lookout had pointed towards.

Indeed, there was a huge, red-shelled crab with massive pincers that appeared to be running on the water… no, wait, it was actually just swimming… kind of. It was very odd to see, since crabs aren’t exactly known for that particular skill.

“Get the butter and garlic ready! We’re having crab legs for dinner!” I cheered, and the rest of the crew cheered at that. Fresh food was always the best!

“Uh, captain? I think the crab is chasing something!” Pep added a moment later. “Kinda looks like a raft!”

I blinked, then my eyes widened in realization. ‘Wait! A big crab chasing a raft? That’s how Buggy and Alvida originally met!’

Immediately I left the helm and leaned over the railing, squinting towards the scene in the distance, and saw that there really was somebody paddling desperately on a tiny makeshift raft, trying to evade the hungry crustacean.

“Take the wheel and turn us around, Pop! We’re gonna save whoever that poor soul is! And get us something to eat!”

“Aye-aye, captain!” the thickset man called out, rushing to the spot I’d just vacated. He took hold of the ship’s wheel and sharply angled the Lovey Dovey towards the Fat-Claw Crab.

“Someone, get me a harpoon!” I ordered as we got closer, and Eliza ran back into the cabins before returning with what I asked for, struggling a bit to carry it.

The big, sharp fishing spear felt like a toothpick in my hands when I took it from her, and I made sure a rope was tied to the end of it that was connected to the mast.

Taking aim, I chucked the harpoon with a shout of “Smoothbore!” and sent it flying through the air with all the force I could muster… and missed. It splashed into the water a meter or so away from the crab, not even causing it to look my way.

I coughed awkwardly, cheeks red with embarrassment as I pulled the harpoon back to me, feeling my crew’s eyes on me. Thankfully, nobody made a comment on my poor aim, allowing me to try again.

This time I managed to skewer the crab right through one of its claws, and I cheered before yanking hard on the rope and reeling in my catch.

“Let’s go! Crab legs for dinner!” I shouted.

As I dragged it towards the Lovey Dovey, something I did not expect to happen was the raft the crab was chasing to almost get flipped as my prey started to thrash and struggle. Thankfully, there was no need to go diving in after the little guy, as he managed to grabbed onto the crab’s other claw and cling tight.

Once the Fat-Claw Crab was closer, Jodie threw another rope out, which the guy was able to grab onto. He was then hauled aboard while I took my iron mace and cracked the crustacean over the head with it.

The blow shattered its carapace in a single blow and knocked it out, and Hep leapt onto its back with a sword, stabbing it in the brain and killing it. He and Pep then began to hack it apart, tearing its limbs off so we could get at the tender crab meat hidden within.

‘That sounded a lot more gruesome in my head than I thought it would,’ I thought with a wince as they got to work, the water around the boat soon filling up with bits of crab shell and juices.

As they butchered the abnormally large sea creature, Jodie was patting the person who could only be Buggy on the back, helping him cough up some water that’d gotten lodged in his lungs during the rescue.

“Is it a kid?”

“Nah, must be a midget.”

“Could be a dwarf.”

“Dwarves aren’t real, ya dingus!”

I ignored the three brothers as they argued amongst themselves about who our guest could be, and instead scrutinized the clown-themed pirate closely.

Buggy was definitely a strange looking guy. Even leaving aside the big, round, and red nose he had, his hair was blue, not a color I’d normally consider, well, normal. But it was completely natural.

It was a bit surprising to see he still had his clown makeup on, but considering he was a pirate I assumed he used some sort of waterproof stuff to ensure it didn’t wash away from a stray wave.

Though honestly, the weirdest part of the little guy was the way his body looked. He was small, with just his hands, feet, and head attached to a tiny bit of neck and torso. It was utterly bizarre to look at.

“What’s wrong with his appearance?” Eliza wondered none too quietly, asking the question pretty much all of us had.

“Eliza! Don’t be rude!” Jodie hissed.

“Oi! You talking shit about my nose?!” Buggy demanded, his head snapping up towards her.

Having an adult’s head on a teeny tiny body wasn’t exactly all that terrifying, though, and it took all of Eliza’s willpower not to burst into laughter.

“I think my crew was just wondering about your… lack of body parts,” I said diplomatically.

He glanced over to me, eyeing my body up and down. I felt no lust from his gaze, though. It was a more calculating look, as if he was assessing a threat.

When he was done, he simply huffed. “Not my first choice, I can assure you of that!”

“I would imagine so. Devil Fruit?” I asked, even though I already knew.

“Aye. Devil Fruit,” he grumbled. He then thumped his chest. Or, tried to, at least. “I am Captain Buggy of the Buggy Pirates!”

“And I am Alvida of the Iron Mace Pirates,” I replied, offering a hand in greeting.

He detached his right hand and floated it up to me to shake, which I did, even as the rest of my crew stared dumbfounded at the sight.

“Thanks for the save,” he grunted when I let go of his gloved hand. “I hate to ask, but from one captain to another… can I bum a ride to the nearest island? I’m trying to get back to my crew.”

“Guess it seems the universe wants me to go with you,” I chuckled under my breath.

“Eh?” Buggy demanded, shooting me a confused look.

“Don’t mind me,” I said, waving a hand dismissively. “Just an inside joke. Sure, we’ll help you out.”

He squinted at me, wondering if perhaps I was a crazy person, before deciding that crazy was better than trapped at sea, and simply nodded.

Inwardly, I couldn’t help but feel giddy and nervous in equal measure. I’d saved Buggy, and now canon was sailing ever closer. What was going to happen next? What would I be able to change events? Could I change anything?

Only the future would tell!