PATREON EXCLUSIVE (Full Video): The true cost to women of promiscuity
Added 2023-12-09 04:26:39 +0000 UTC
Comments
Avoid sex as long as possible if you are looking for a LTR, it will cloud your judgment. High quality people reserve sex for relationships, there is no upside about having sex before. No sex until you start falling in love will take the pressure off dates too, you will focus on having fun and just talking :) Have a talk about libido, sexual kinks and anything relevant like STD or issues with erection etc. after a few dates, earlier if it can be a deal breaker. Sex is one compatibility that you can work on and get better at with time so don't rush it.
aldon
2024-10-11 18:27:40 +0000 UTCThat particular one stuck out to me also - I think it is because women with Depression tend to sleep around more, not necessarily that sleeping around more causes Depression. The others seem to make sense.
Matt Scoggins
2024-02-13 16:48:01 +0000 UTCHi @EC thank you for your comment and yes you're right. grape and sexual assault happens more often than not and in my generation, you're exposed to porn before any healthy adult can get the chance to sit you down to talk about sex and consent. I really hope your co worker's niece got the medical and mental health care and support that she deserves and I hope the evil ex partner faced criminal punishment.
Rae
2024-01-01 14:41:26 +0000 UTC@Jonas, not every woman is the same. Some people's negative experiences strengthen them while for others it breaks them. If you feel like you will be risking it either way then no worries, go and find you a partner that has not experienced sexual trauma and has not been promiscuous.
Rae
2024-01-01 14:34:41 +0000 UTC@MarkAnon Though this may sound harsh to some, I think its a good strategy. I personally belive that anyone dealing with trauma or addictive behaviours should not partake in intimate partner relationships until they have received some professional support. A traumatised brain acts on impulse and is not always able to make informed decisions. Its like stunted growth in the brain.
Rae
2024-01-01 14:32:06 +0000 UTCHi @Mircea. I am not making an excuse for my promiscuity. I am trying to explain that promiscuity can be very complex and sometimes it is not a choice. There are young boys and girls out their being passed around in sex trafficking rings or being molested by multiple family members. What is happening to them is not their choice and sometimes these people will grow up to continue those high risk sexual behaviours because that is all they have ever known. And sometimes, people can fluctuate between all 3 groups that I mentioned and then stop then stop the promiscuous behaviour entirely or never stop. Everyone is different. And don't misunderstand me here, I am saying that my promiscuity resulted from trauma. It does not mean that there weren't times that I was willfully and consensually promiscuous. And it does not mean that everyday I am saying "owe is me" and then continuing in my old destructive ways. All i am saying is that because of my past, I was more vulnerable to being taken advantage of and more willing to put myself in vulnerable situations because I was used to abuse as a child. I am just advocating for us to give the women and men that are still going through this some grace and I am definitely giving my younger self the grace of not knowing any better at times. I have worked really hard not allow myself to be shaped by negative experiences and to stop my self destructive behaviours which not always as straight forward as it seems to those that cannot relate.
Rae
2024-01-01 14:22:39 +0000 UTCTrue, maybe as long as the body count is still in the single digits, it's not a lot of bad judgement?
Ashwin Srinivas
2023-12-24 10:39:19 +0000 UTCExcept that still a lot of bad judgement.
RhodiumMaiden
2023-12-24 04:13:42 +0000 UTCWhat if you have a relationship, you get married and get a place together, only to find that you're incompatible in bed? Christianity puts the practice of sex as shameful, therefore by-the-book Christians talk a lot about theory but have no practice, often disregarding that incompatibility in bed is actually a real relationship problem. Marriage before sex is a terrible concept because you commit without understanding that we are physical creatures who perceive sex as important as holding hands, touching or kissing. Religion has no place in human relations. There are a lot of couples out there who are perfectly happy without being religious because you don't need religion to be good. Just common sense. Like, having regular sex in a long term committed relationship without actual marriage is not being promiscuous. It's just evading taxes.
Mircea N.
2023-12-12 13:53:49 +0000 UTCBoth feed the other. Girls who are very promiscuous rarely end up happy later in life especially after they realize no good men want them any more and they just keep getting used again and again. The only women I know who aren't bitter and miserable when older are the ones who married without getting run through by many chads.
Andrew Bain
2023-12-12 09:33:17 +0000 UTCMen are the initiators and seducers in sexual relationships most of the time, especially if talking about a virgin or girl with low body count who isn't actively promiscuous. You have to seduce her. If you're seducing her just for sex rather than to marry her then frankly that is disgusting and creepy/predatory behaviour for a man who is good at seduction.
Andrew Bain
2023-12-12 09:28:58 +0000 UTCI believe it's wrong to add to a woman's body count without intentions of marrying her. Maybe it's less wrong if she's already been mega-promiscuous with a number 5 or 10 by 20 or whatever that means to you. But if she's a virgin or only had a handful of partners and you don't plan on marrying her I think it's slimy and disgusting to just seduce her for cheap sex. Maybe I can't hold others to this standard as a Christian unless you are one also but there are good reasons to marry before sex, especially for the women. If that's the price for sex you weed out most of the loser users and can more naturally find a good man who will commit to protecting and providing. I'm not someone who believes you need to test sex with someone to see if you're compatible. You can become a competent lover as a man and be able to satisfy any woman with experience. The first time between two virgins might be awkward, or if you're not and she is then okay she isn't going to know what to do but you have years and years to get good at learning how to satisfy each other and to teach her what you like if you're the man while learning what she enjoys by trying things. If you love each other you can both make that happen.
Andrew Bain
2023-12-12 09:25:20 +0000 UTCIn Social Dynamics, well-collected and curated data points towards average trends that can inform you but this is not an exact science with a one-size-fits-all solution. As AG mentioned, you need to think for yourself and evaluate your situation taking into account the specific circumstances surrounding said situation but being informed by the data and science as well. One course of action that might be apt for one may not be for another. But I think we can all come to a general consensus that random hook ups and one-night stands are definitely harming women and society as a whole. A high body count accrued by partaking in hook-up culture is pretty much always a red flag and should be seen as such. But what's more forgivable and understandable is the situation where someone accrued a double-digit body count (maybe not higher than that?!) by trying to date multiple times, but while exploring a long-term relationship, something happened and things fell apart. Sex is obviously a huge part of vetting each other and assessing compatibility and we're not guaranteed a robust and long long-lasting relationship with the next person we choose to date. In this light, I think it's fine and does not come under the purview of hook-up culture.
Ashwin Srinivas
2023-12-12 08:07:18 +0000 UTCMaybe I am misinterpreting Alex’s words But it feels like he is assigning causality to correlation It feels to me like Alex is saying that promiscuity is the cause of all these negative statistics For example Promiscuity results in depression But from the statistics it just as well might be that people who are depressed tend to have a lot of partners Causality and correlation
Peter
2023-12-11 17:03:28 +0000 UTCThank you for your insight, Rae. And I'm very sorry to hear about the experiences that you have described. Traumas from our formative years tend to cast long shadows. I hope that you will be able to heal and find happiness and success.
NormanInAustralia
2023-12-10 13:19:09 +0000 UTCIt might not be our duty to save unhappy women but as fellow humans it is our duty to not add to their unhappiness by exploiting their vulnerability. It's not my duty to save drug addicts but that doesn't mean it's OK for me to sell drugs to them.
NormanInAustralia
2023-12-10 13:11:51 +0000 UTCYou say that guys will be unhappy with you telling us not to be promiscuous and not to take advantage of emotionally vulnerable women. Sure, I might have been unhappy to hear that but it's better to hear negative constructive feedback than to continue repeating the same harmful behaviours. I don't want to cause harm to vulnerable women. Most of us (guys) grow up with the idea that our value is defined by how many women have had sex with us. Sometimes we just need to hear a different opinion to make us re-consider and change our behaviour.
NormanInAustralia
2023-12-10 13:01:52 +0000 UTCAlexander, you've presented data showing a correlation between between women's promiscuity and unhappiness, mental illness or marital failure. You seem to have interpreted this as demonstrating that promiscuity leads to unhappiness, mental illness etc but could it be the opposite? Could unhappiness and mental instability lead to promiscuity?
NormanInAustralia
2023-12-10 12:55:42 +0000 UTCHi Alex, thanks for the reply. I would not take advantage either, I'm also pointing out that we should not overlook the fact that women in distress do not think about the men they engage with in their behavior and the damage they do to those men. Yeah, I know the whole " man is a protector" idea, but that does not mean we should ignore the damage women can do to us as well.
Mircea N.
2023-12-10 02:38:26 +0000 UTCLike I said in the video, I wouldn't be personally comfortable having sex with a woman who has having sex out of a self destructive intention. My empathy would prevent me. If you have a different moral code, so be it, but my hope is that being aware of the data that proves that sleeping around is bad for women, you'll be more aware of the damage you are doing to her.
Alexander Grace
2023-12-09 23:15:09 +0000 UTCI explicitly say in the video that women are responsible for their choices
Alexander Grace
2023-12-09 23:09:33 +0000 UTCInteresting points. Do you believe you have been doing a good job of holding yourself accountable for your choices?
Mark Bryski
2023-12-09 16:18:07 +0000 UTCThis is why I don't like about this video: and has deceived me: 5 min 55'': You are saying that men are guilty of increasing women body count. Sure women are pure angels, and they are not guilty at all. Women are as guilty as men when they are promiscuous, if they are poor, not immature, they need to grow up. But they are as guilty. Women blaming about how bad men are that do not believe that she is guilty as well, not worth my time. Will I be guilty if I stole 100 euros when I am 5 years old, because I am innocent? 12 min: You are speaking for 5 minutes, and you don't conclude to the point. Just hold sex, don't have sex with this girl, until you analyze it enough, and have enough facts to make the decision. Sometimes an answer does not come when you ask a question. And you also forgot, that step 0 , is to recognize that I have been promiscuous, and it is my fault.
oschicus
2023-12-09 16:15:28 +0000 UTCYes and no. People can be whoever they want and choose to do whatever they need. As long as their actions do not harm others in any way. Honestly, my life is too short to wait for everyone else to eventually be enlightened. I consider a life healthier when I communicate my ouch's early on, instead of finding a long bag of " I'm sorry" when I'm sixty and my life spent. I'm forty now, and my entire 30's spent with a woman that just didn't know what she wanted. Trying out careers, trying out life choices, never actually being able to go in any direction at all. All I ended up doing was see my support wasted in several directions that led nowhere and 10y of my life waiting for her to ef'ing finally set her head straight. Only to end up in divorce and being financially responsible for a child she did not even want to begin with. So yeah. Sometimes, people need a good slap over the head.
Mircea N.
2023-12-09 15:31:30 +0000 UTCDear Rae, promiscuity is a choice. And your comment is a long way to say " they made me do it". It's not just about your childhood and past experiences, it's also about the choice you make every single day to be promiscuous. You choose to get up in the morning, you choose to pick up the phone, you choose to go on that dating app or whatever. As a man, I will acknowledge a woman as a complex and learning human who experiences the world through the consequence spectrum of her unique life, because some of her experiences were out of her reach. But I will not choose that woman as a partner. I will choose the woman that says: my life has been hard, but those experiences do no define who I am or my moral compass. My system of beliefs defines who I am.
Mircea N.
2023-12-09 15:08:27 +0000 UTCChoosing to hold someone responsible sounds like co-dependeny. Letting someone be responsible is a different choice. A healthy choice where we don't fall into the trap of having a mistaken sense of responsibility for the other person's emotions.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-09 14:59:50 +0000 UTCYes, you're right. Why should we hold women responsible for their own choices in life? Let's go for the " didn't know / couldn't do / wasn't able " old routine. Funny how we keep finding excuses for the gender that actually does rule this world. " nourished and growing" ...I can understand these words when women use them to justify their self centered life. Why do you use them? Do you believe that your journey of growth will make you a more desirable partner?
Mircea N.
2023-12-09 14:53:00 +0000 UTC1. Here's my 2 cents. If a woman sleeps around because she's "vulnerable, grieving" after a break-up...men will give her what she wants. If she does not care about the consequences on men of bringing the men into her life without any serious intent... why would men think about her? Besides, a failed relationship is a failure of two, not just one. No pity or understanding there. Alex, since when are you falling into the " poor little angel" routine when it comes to women and failed relationships? 2. ALEX! Please stop praising the life of a single mother. Most of them leave their partners because of bs reasons " he's not being enough/he's not doing enough" and then start the self-pity party we all fall for. Sometimes the reasons are legit if he's truly a deadbeat. But most of the times is crap like " I want to trust him to make the right choices that I did not ask for, with the results I did not communicate I want, without me having to give him any kind of clues that I need them". ..and then... omg, single mother life is so hard" ... well... where's the father? " I pushed him out because he did not rise up to my emotional ultra high standards... but omg single mother life is sooo hard" 3. Why do WE have to guide/ influence environments so that women make the right decisions? They're not children, it is belittling their capabilities and at the end I'll bet they'll start blaming us for patriarchy or some other crap because we influenced them. Some women are self-destructive because some people are self destructive. And women show it by making wrong choices in relationships. 4. To answer your question: I don't care. I listen to what she has to say. Even for a woman of excellent morals, at some point, she'll have her number of guys by the time she reaches 35-40, let's say. In the middle ages, men married virgins but fell in love with courtesans. What's the point of having a pristine angel if all she does is play the harp? 5. You truly believe men can change women. We can't. Society teaches them they're the judge, juror and executioner in the relationship. So they'll enter the relationship seeing the potential and not the man and will exit the relationship from disappointment. Sure, they'll want to know their man in the beginning, but it's only to see how he fits in her life(more or less, like a purse or clothes)... and on the long term: her mother's opinion will matter more than yours, her friend's opinion will matter more than yours, her cat's opinion will matter more than yours. Ok, exaggerated a bit but you get my point. It is really innocent to believe you have a say in her life. Our value to a woman is only how we can fulfil her needs. Beyond that, her self-centered way of life as a partner and especially a mother makes her incapable of looking at the man in her life beyond his abilities to complete her.
Mircea N.
2023-12-09 14:46:19 +0000 UTCI do believe every person deserves respect. This includes allowing them to deal with their personal issues within the privacy of their soul. My personal strategy for women who are promiscuous or dealing with the damage from a promiscuous past is to detach. Detach by not initiating any mating bids or responding to mating bids. This is the same approach I use for any woman who has a problem with alcohol or drug abuse.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-09 12:29:31 +0000 UTCJonas, I consider your point to be the foundation of healthy self-esteem and will add in having the courage to change. A person choosing to recognize they are a victim of their own denial and letting go of their victim identity requires courage.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-09 11:41:58 +0000 UTCI think the riskiest group is group 2 because they lack identity and ability to think for themselves. Group 1 can be supported to recognise how their harmful behaviour and promiscuousity is affecting their lives (if they are willing to go through the healing journey of course). And group 3 generally like sex and they would be open about their experiences and their sex drive with you anyways, cause they're not ashamed of it. But with group 2, they will hop on any trend, they would do whatever the other girls are doing etc.
Rae
2023-12-09 09:42:07 +0000 UTCThanks Alex for giving a critical perspective even though the data shows hard facts. I am a woman that is part of the promiscuous group. My promiscuity was a result of adverse childhood experiences such as physical and sexual abuse and then my first actual boyfriend forcefully took my virginity and called it "love". I was unable to recognise how these experiences were affecting my mental health because in my culture, "mental health is not real" so i did not seek mental health support out of shame. This then led to impulsive behaviours of excessive drinking and casual sex. I would appreciate if men could recognise that there are 3 groups of promiscuous women. Group 1 are promiscuous because of abuse and low self esteem and self worth; they lack boundaries to say no or to recognise when they are not comfortable with the act (at least half of my sexual history was because of lack of boundaries and protection for myself) Group 2; women do it because of social pressure; to fit in with other groups of women (the fear of missing out) Group 3; women genuinely want to take part in casual sex (this group of women are very very rare and hard to come around. As a woman, I've only come across 1 woman like this and I am 24 years old). These women are able to separate their identity from their sexual experiences and the promiscuousity does not affect them because it was entirely consensual and enjoyable for them. And they generally just love sex.
Rae
2023-12-09 09:23:48 +0000 UTCTruth
Andrew W
2023-12-09 05:38:59 +0000 UTCThe topography of the data can not be ignored. At the same time, using it to condemn a woman is narrow minded and perhaps self limiting. At the end of the day, it comes down to a woman's self esteem. Not just its present state. More importantly, the path she is on to keep it nourished and growing.
Mark Bryski
2023-12-09 05:02:03 +0000 UTC
