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she says it too dont worry XD hahaha . and thanks ben :)

Awww, this is so great. I love you both. 😊 I used to sit and sing things with my Mom. I really miss her. I'm happy to see you two happy.

Rick Seal

wonderfully said, Ben

Despite all the mental gymnastics and existential nonsense we put ourselves through, one thing you never have to doubt is your parents' love. They don't love a "fake" you, even if you don't feel 100% authentic in your interactions - that's just behavior. You know their love is unconditional, just like your love for them. Yes, it comes with some bad - you wouldn't have guilt if not for that love, but they loved you before you even became a person, so it doesn't matter what person you become - that love is forever.(PS I hope things went well at the dentist)

Ben Chan

Say no more Sara I understand 😔 i know the horrible feeling of having to try to hide behind a mask for our loved ones,while behind it the pain were enduring is unmatched😢😢 i too have things im taking to the grave that wont see the light of day, due to my life i used to live and still overcoming….i guess all we can do is keep fighting and fighting and fighting for our “life” it seems….Love ya alot sara 🖤 x

Tony Avila

Giving your mother a soul-warming moment with her favorite daughter (yeah, I said it!) that she will remember forever (as well as the mold) is not a bad way to procrastinate - SO sweet! I just play silly videos on Patreon when I try to avoid work.

Ben Chan

forgive me if we have already spoken about this together but wow! this is really really really similar,and I completely empathise with you. it has been the crux of all my decision making and I always have that cloud over my head worrying about them, or if I have disappointed them or if they're lonely, or what I should have done, shouldn't have done, should do lol etc. family is family, but im really trying to comfortably break into my own independent decision making without feeling shame. once I nearly got into a car crash, and I swear the first thing that flashed in my mind was, fuck my family are gonna find out there were cigarettes in the car and they will be hurt, instead of me actually dying lol. funny. of course thats not at all what they would care about If I got hurt but, its how my brain works. and unfortunately, regarding some of the stuff I deal with , its not possible to tell them, for their own protection. I will take some things to the grave in order to keep them content and happy. my sisters do the same. love ya x

God I completely understand everything your saying and feeling…especially about the scratch cards, to brighten there life up for just moments and knowing that they get lonely and sad 😔 I literally tell my mother that i get down because i feel the need to try to keep her happy and bring joy to her life and when i cant somedays because my demons are beating my ass or i just dont have the strength face the world that day, I fell immense GUILT and Sadness and a ton of weight on my shoulders…i get it completely, and we try our best knowing that the ones we cherish wont be here forever and thats what really hurts…its none of my business and i know 100% its not easy (you dont have to answer at all) but why not try opening up even just a little bit to mama and pa or maybe even just one of them,help them understand you, so you can understand each other, your a grown woman now and you will forever be there baby girl there “cherry” there darling there love and light of there life🦋🖤 we have to try to free ourselves from the self chains that inslave us,even if that means we have to look for the key to unlock these chains in The dark

Tony Avila

You explain things perfectly well enough... but not enough so that you're satisfied, and that makes perfect sense, considering what you've managed to already explain. :) [Sigh] If only we could stay consistent about not worrying that we're full of contradictions, paradoxes, and in a constant state of flux. Kinda had that problem coming, huh? Wish I had the answers, and I wish I was ok with not having the answers. Ah crap :) But I'm certainly wishing you some quick sweet dreams, Sara.

Tbh if I were to write you a letter today it would probably be pretty different from a few months ago when I sent it. But still, looking forward to hearing from you when you get it though! Hope it can at least make you smile a bit :) Also, I actually think the drawing looks much better in person so I'm glad you'll finally be getting to see it up close!

My family are all Albanian! And they live in london :) hehe. I undertand the confusion, i used to live in france . But yes the notion of close family is extremely extremely embedded in Albanian culture and it’s nice. I’ll always be able to count on my family. My parents would give me anything in a second without no hesitation if it came to Even if it meant losing everything they Had. I appreciate it so much but why does it make me so sad!!! Sending lots of love. And welcome!! Thankyou for joining the patreon :) 🩷

I don’t know what’s real me anymore lol. I don’t think it’s possible to even definitely define ourselves, we are constantly developing and changing every day I give up on trying to understand myself with an umbrella description, although I deal with extreme self doubt and paranoia where I question every thought I have and if it’s real or I’ve fabricated a fake thought to lie to myself ? I can’t explain it lol . Anywyas. It’s 6:45 here and I’m still awake lol, gotta be at the dentist at 10

Damn, Sara... I've felt the same so many times... damn... are we wrong? Are they? Does real love give a damn? I dunno, Sara, I dunno. I could say something more positive, but I feel like that would be more of my "fake version" of me, at least for now. Is this, these dark fears and anxieties, are they a part of the real you? If so, thank you for showing her.

Yes!! Honestly I got a bit upset watching the video because she was looking at me smiling the whole time , and I know this sounds dark, lol, but I just thought gosh this video will make me so emotional to see when one day they’re not there anymore. She looks so happy. I’m trying to keep them entertained. They’re always mostly alone and they get really sad and bored, so I try spice things up, simple things like bringing two scratch cards home and make them ‘ bet who will win their card ‘ and even that causes some excitement and laughter at least for 20 mins lol. I’m happy for them but it’s making me feel worse because they keep saying how their life has changed now that I’m back, but then what about when I want to leave again … the pressure on me for my parents happiness is really heavy sometimes. And yes she’s moved from burger to cherry 🍒 I still laugh at why she called me hamburger. I think maybe she jsut clicked the emoji one day and rolled with it, she was new with emojis lol

It was actually a really wonderful moment, we’re always so caught up in life, but we had to sit there and not move for 15 minutes in the mould, and just from that we had a moment together that we probably wouldn’t have had if we had our phones or we were stimulated but other things in the room. Sending love, can’t wait to open ur letter! My sister has it and she’s coming over tonight x

😇🩷

Thanks so much Michael. interestingly. it’s these moments in particular that are giving me the hardest time, I feel so much love from my family but I feel like I don’t deserve it, as they basically know nothing about me, as I try to protect them from the worry, but I feel like I’m just playing a role all the time for them and I feel really guilty. Like theyre in love with a fake version of me

I'm pretty new here and just like supporting artists I find who trigger my ASMR but this ended up triggering my emotions instead. This was a really sweet sneakpeak into your life that feels important to share. From what I gather, you're French, and you live somewhere there in France. I'm from the United States, and I don't know of anybody who bonds with their parents like this. But suddenly I am questioning why we don't all do it this way lol. So yeah, this feels better for you to share as opposed to some "content" for the evening :) Cheers.

Bo Squeezy

I love this soooo much 🥲 its always nice to have rich laughter and genuine bonding moments with the ones we would do anything for in this world🖤 these are the moments we cherish and hold close to our hearts…some of my best joy in life is making my mother smile,laugh, and bring happiness in her life, even though it saddens me that i cant give her the life i really would love for her to have but i try my best….love yuh Sara keep smiling cause that pisses our Demons off the most🖤🖤🦋🦋 oooo yeah hahahah super throwback here lol but does mama still call you her “burger”🍔 😆

Tony Avila

Aww, this was very cute. Spending good quality time with Mama Manganese :) It's okay to take some time and focus on yourself so don't worry about things taking a little longer than expected. Besides you seem like you're having a great time singing and fooling around in this video instead of slaving away editing when you're not feeling up to it, so I know which I'd prefer you be doing!

There's something so moving about seeing you with your mom, singing and laughing. Especially after all those months of loneliness, a health crisis, extreme insomnia, one friend's self-harm, and other friends letting you down. After ALL THAT, to see you smile and laugh and sing with your mom... It's so beautiful 😊! Same with those wonderful moments when patrons like Ben or Tony do something so kind that makes you feel loved and supported. Like, GAH 😭, it gives me all the cute feelies! Simple, yeah, and I know it doesn't fix everything, but just... 😌 I'm so grateful you have these moments, even if only for a time. I wish you a lifetime overflowing with so many more. 🙏Thank goodness for all the people out there who make this wonderful woman feel loved and less alone ❤. (If anyone feels cringy right now that may be because my spirit is trying to pull you all into a group soul-hug. Sorry 😅 .)

Beautiful 😊😄