Blimpsgiving

It’s that time of year yet again. Tomorrow morning is the annual Thanksgiving Day parade. I hear it’s based on people this year, and you, the manager of the parade this year, will check up on me within the next hour. Fortunately, I made my float ahead of time, a life size model of a pilgrim. Now all I need to do is inflate it.

Inside the warehouse where the floats and balloons are set up, I use the hose from the helium pipeline on the walls to fill up mine. Halfway in the process though, I notice a flashing red button with a white human icon next to the pipes. Out of curiosity, I decide to press it. Suddenly, the hose pops out of my balloon and flies and wiggles all over due to the fact it’s still spewing helium, and before I could even catch it, it gets stuffed into my mouth, lodges down my throat, and finally finds its way in my stomach. I try pulling it out immediately, but to no avail.

I could already feel myself blowing up and rounding up all over. My limbs become so puffy I can hardly move them anymore. Moments later, my whole body completely puffs and rounds up to a sphere. When I can’t get any rounder, I just grow bigger, and all I can do is let it all happen as my body reaches its limits.

A loud, sharp, and sudden POP lets me know that my body had just sprung a leak, and with that, I deflate. My whole body shrinks down into a flat state. Now I’m just laying on the ground, with my body all stretched out and flat as paper. I’m glad I could live to see another day, but why did I have to be so curious? And I was supposed to be filling up my pilgrim balloon, not myself. What would you say when-

“You OK?”

Speak of the devil.

“Uh, somehow, yes. But if you’re wondering why I’m like this, I…”

“Say no more. Can’t risk the life of a human balloon, you know.”

Did I hear right? “Human balloon”??

“I may have forgotten to mention”, you say, “that when this year’s theme was based on people, it would require anyone willing to take part to blow themselves up. You wouldn’t believe how many people contributed this year!”

Huh. If I’d known that, I would’ve let this happen to begin with. Guess I’m in the clear, after all.

“But what can I do now?”, I point out. “It’ll take forever for me to get back to normal, and the parade is tomorrow.”

Taking a closer look at my predicament, you had an idea. “I believe that can be arranged.”

The next day marked the first ever human balloon parade, and while hundreds of other people were floating down the street as happy as can be, my limbs are tied around your limbs, making my body act like your parachute. Together we fly over the streets to guide and patrol the parade all the way.

Honestly the best thing I’ve ever done yet.