Binchtopia from patreon - WE NEED YOUR MOMENTS.

Literally the When You Give a Max a Microphone episode lol you all are so chill with dating your cousin or half sibling pls do a DNA test for all current or forthcoming relationships yall scaring me 💕

Michaela Humby

2024-08-31 20:33:27 +0000 UTC

possibly was the fork… much to think about

elizabethonline

2024-08-31 05:51:32 +0000 UTC

wait this is sooo real bc growing up super christian will have you believing INSANE things abt dinosaurs and evolution 😭 i thought dinosaurs existed at the same time as humans until i was like 15 😖 (perhaps i was also a little bit dumb)

elizabethonline

2024-08-31 05:50:23 +0000 UTC

LITERAL Gag- Burger King Chicken Fries. If you recall the limited time offer of the Burger King chicken fries then I hope I am not ruining any fond memories of the mid 2010s lol. Background info- I was in my college marching band, and whenever we would have to travel to other schools for football games, the only reasonable place for 300+ students to grab “a quick lunch” would be at the middle of nowhere malls with a few fast food options only. The fine dining of Olive Garden was not in the cards due to time constraints, unfortunately 🥺(no sarcasm here LOVE Olive Garden). There was one trip in particular that was a SNAFU for lunch options. Wendy’s has only one functional cash register, Taco Bell ran out of cheese, and the lines for the other places were wrapped outside around the building. The only “reasonable” option that would allow me to sustain myself and provide my body with the nutrients needed to proceed with the day was…. Burger King. I shall refer Burger King as “BK” for the rest of my monologue. I was never a fan of BK, but I thought it was pretty hard to fuck up chicken fries. Hate the burgers, hate the French fries, I’m sorry I can’t do it lol. I ordered my chicken fries because they are basically chicken fingers so whatever— and I power walked back to the parking lot where all the buses were. There is no time to waste so I start eating the chicken fries while I am scurrying across the asphalt-paved hellscape. I take one single chomp into my first chicken fry and noticed something that felt like plastic in my mouth. My initially thought was “meh I think just bit into some packaging from the kitchen” and while that is nasty, I would not consider it a deal breaker. I pull out the piece of plastic from my mouth and inspect it closely. SURPRISE it is NOT plastic, but is actually a chicken beak. Specifically, the bottom half of a chicken beak. I immediately became nonverbal, tossed the rest of my chicken fries in the garbage and walked on the bus. I still recall how that keratin lil piece of shit felt in my mouth. Nasty ass BK. Looking back, I def should have gone back to BK and tell them of the BEAK in my chicken fry but I didn’t want to have to wait around and miss the bus and get stranded in Macon Georgia lol. Fortunately from the kindness of my fellow marching band members I was able to survive the rest of the day by consuming popcorn and almonds. God save the Queen, because the Burger King sucks ass.

Michaela Humby

2024-08-27 20:10:24 +0000 UTC

my ex casually told me they didn’t believe in evolution after we moved in together and i simply did not have the mental capacity to process that so i kinda just shut down any conversation having to do with dinosaurs, biology, space, etc. did i still stay with them for another year and a half?? yes. did i move across states with them to a new city?? ofc. asking first date now in a silly hahah way but also so i never have to go through that again. slay.

Julia and Julian Starbug

2024-08-27 19:03:34 +0000 UTC

I sat next to him on a plane 💀 I made sure I farted real loud

Valeria Chavez

2024-08-27 18:51:38 +0000 UTC

When I was a teenager I got really into manifestation and was telling her about how to make good things happen you need to believe it and she just replied “oh so are the refugees just not manifesting hard enough then?” … gagged

Poppy

2024-08-25 02:35:54 +0000 UTC

LOL unity was my first thought too

Amelia McCluskey

2024-08-25 01:04:28 +0000 UTC

I’m 30 and hate mascots

Cecy Martinez

2024-08-24 03:38:22 +0000 UTC

OR the time where I was babysitting a millionaire’s kid and she got stuck in a swing

M

2024-08-23 09:25:25 +0000 UTC

Should I share the time Ted Cruz was sitting next to me while I was eating sushi?

M

2024-08-23 09:24:44 +0000 UTC

my childhood best friend’s college friend saw my butterfly effect tattoo (butterfly knocking over dominoes) and asked if i had any others to which i replied “yeah i have one other one” and pulled out my left wrist with a semi colon tattoo on it. she replied “oh… well im happy you made it and that you’re alive” which is one of the nicer responses ive gotten but without skipping a beat i said “yeah (insert childhood best friend’s name here) was there. it was fun” like i really could’ve said anything else but no. luckily we all had a good laugh about it later so it wasnt too too awkward

Bella Romero

2024-08-22 15:54:47 +0000 UTC

I also am deathly afraid of mascots!! 23 and still cry when I see them

Olivia

2024-08-22 15:37:18 +0000 UTC

i am dealthy afraid of mascots. i mean, panic attack meeting the mall easter bunny, and i am terrified walking around disneyland. i was recently GAGGED to find out that a man i dated briefly (who absolutely knew about my fear) IS NOW MY COLLEGE’S MASCOT!?!? how did i find this out..? one of my best friends who was working at the campus gym was asked if he could help zip up the mascot suit for him because the zipper was stuck lmfao (these two men are NOT close enough for this to be normal) now, i cannot escape this disheveled fur suit on campus, or quite literally anywhere. i was most recently gagged to open instagram and see the mascot doing the dances to apple and hot to go. traumatized.

Rachel Dack

2024-08-22 14:20:10 +0000 UTC

SECOND COUSINS okay but like im close with my 2nd cousins so idk 😭

Adissen

2024-08-22 04:13:26 +0000 UTC

andy.

CC

2024-08-22 03:29:24 +0000 UTC

BORING story 🍅🍅

Chuck Wallace

2024-08-22 03:02:07 +0000 UTC

NO i went there but this was at musique

CC

2024-08-22 02:54:00 +0000 UTC

the incest on yesterday's ep gagged me 😆 and tinfoil son

LB

2024-08-22 02:33:28 +0000 UTC

Hope i’m not too late! Mine’s the one about Noah Centineo 💕✨💅🏻

Chloe Minella

2024-08-22 02:04:08 +0000 UTC

I went to an all girls private high school just to provide some setting. I was the first in the grade to get their license and was then publicly humiliated for having cloth-not leather- seats in my Subaru Outback (another touchy subject). But one day, I saw a girl pull up to school in a full on Jeffre star ass Rolls Royce. I proceeded to send a message in the all school GroupMe (Idek why this was a thing) and stupidly said “who the fuck just came to school in a rolls Royce.” The girl responded “me!” And then a bunch of girls in my grade told me I should respect wealth and not care about the 16 year old in a 100,000$ car

Spencer

2024-08-22 01:37:58 +0000 UTC

WAS THIS AT CLUB UNITY OMG

Sydney Olthoff

2024-08-21 22:16:28 +0000 UTC

is this a good opportunity to tell you guys about the time my dad almost lost the house to a crypto scam

Tess Knoll

2024-08-21 22:04:07 +0000 UTC

I'm a high school teacher and trust... I have submitted

Maxine Rae

2024-08-21 21:10:04 +0000 UTC

Went to a hipster rooftop food place, all the food was served in disposable cutlery and plates. Was definitely gagged when I looked down at my wooden fork and no longer had any prongs, just a prongless fork. I had eaten all 4 wooden prongs! Yippee!!Physically and mentally gagged, plus the embarrassment of asking my friend if his fork had prongs (it did). Now I look back, I was sick that night and the night after. Probably the fork.

Lily

2024-08-21 20:11:10 +0000 UTC

when i told my bf i wanted to be famous and he said “for what” 🧍‍♀️💥

Ferris

2024-08-21 19:56:02 +0000 UTC

I saw my ex walking around in public wearing a buddy the elf costume

Jane L.

2024-08-21 19:09:38 +0000 UTC

it was sooo the same club, that shit was so confusing

CC

2024-08-21 18:17:03 +0000 UTC

Ngl I was p gagged when I got sent a screenshot from a local Facebook group called “Durham Dating Reviews” (for girlies to share red flags of guys on dating apps to stay safe) and it was a pic of my ex with his name and age and everything with the caption: “Please avoid this man at all costs. He is a massive cheater and currently has a girlfriend but is always on/off Tinder and messaging me sexually. He has been on and off with me for years and will just use you when it’s convenient for him. UPDATE: I found out who his girlfriend was and told her. After talking to a few other women, turns out he does this a lot. He will get into relationships with vulnerable women and then cheat on them the whole time. He also has some disturbing kinks.” Full gag, gooped, and gobsmacked. For context I dated this man from 2016 to 2019, then 6 month break up, then from 2020 to 2022. I read the comments on the post and naturally there were at least 5 OTHER WOMEN SAYING THEY HAD BEEN ON AND OFF W HIM FOR YEARSSSS. Like excuse me we were dating for years😂😂 To this day this man is living in the delusion that he never cheated on me and that the screenshots that another girl (queen) sent me of him in her DMs was just a JOKE. After we broke up he wouldn’t leave me alone and his last hail mary was to leave a 3-page handwritten letter at my door, which he DRENCHED in Versace Eros cologne btw, claiming how we are soulmates and how our relationship ended bc we both grew complacent and that he’s changed in a week and wants to marry me. The letter was 3 pages so there’s a lot of other details I’m leaving out which were very much gagworthy, but I would be happy to send pics of this infamous letter. I’m sure anyone reading it with this ^ context would get a good gag out of it. Fast forward to present day, I recently started a new position in the company I’ve been working at since 2020 and I had to move offices. Tell me what kind of karma I have that THIS MAN WORKS IN THE SAME BUILDING ON THE SAME FLOOR AS ME!! Yet another gag. But the gaggiest gag of all is that he (27m) recently bought a house with his new gf (22f)🤡🤡. Godspeed to her fr.

P

2024-08-21 17:54:42 +0000 UTC

omg pleaseeeeeee this happened to my cousin!!! also at a club in montreal!!! she was looking for the washroom, the entrance to which was right next to a big mirror, and she had a full five minute conversation with her mirror self thinking she was another girl leaving the washroom

kaia

2024-08-21 17:37:17 +0000 UTC

this had me cackling

kolby p.

2024-08-21 17:17:01 +0000 UTC

im a barista and last week, this older woman came in and she was like "I want this drink without coffee" and I was like ok so like milk or whatever? and she said no. turns out she wanted a cup of syrup...fully gagged

catherine

2024-08-21 17:15:10 +0000 UTC

Worst part is we confronted him over text and he said “I’m going back to the army” like alright duty calls I guess ???

Dorothy

2024-08-21 17:13:43 +0000 UTC

This Summer I went to Montreal with my friends from home. I tend to drink a lot more than them due to my discovery that I am in fact an absolute tank when it comes to alcohol. So we're out at a very packed club, there's strobe lights that make it very hard to see and you can barley move around. We had gone to the rooftop bar to get some air, but i happened to find a very wonderful girl who had the same goals as me and we decided to go on a mission to get as many free shots from random men as we could. After about thirty minutes we were very successful and only had to pretend to care about what men had to say for a little bit. I found my friends again, and now, about 3 shots deeper, we go back downstairs in the club. a lot of things happened that aren't necessarily relevant to the story including that fact that i ended making out with this random French dude who turned out to be my new bestie's guy friend. And only realized once her and all her friends were surrounding me, cheering and clapping. After this encounter i decided it was probably best to go find my own friends again seeing as this was the second (of many) times i would loose them that night. I tell this random man it was nice meeting him but I got to go find my friends. I'm walking away through this crowded ass room, dancing to the music as i go when in the crowd this girl looks at me. Its my instinct to smile at everyone, seeing as I love talking to people and making new friends. And seeing how this whole night has gone, id had a great time interacting with everyone I talked to. So me and this girl smile and wave at the same time, then we both try to say something but its too loud and we walk closer. I don't necessarily remember what I was trying to say to her but we were both very much on the same page of wanting to be buddies. And i KNOW words were spoken. So we keep getting closer and trying to talk to each other and as i reach out my hand into the crowd, and she does the same... my hand touches a cool surface. It was a mirror. I was talking to myself. I was absolutely GAGGED. I pulled my hand away and tried to process the last 30 seconds and the fact that my new friend, in-fact, did not exist. It was a floor to ceiling, wall to wall mirror. My bad I just always wanna make more friends and i guess my reflection seemed like a pretty chill person. Im not really sure how i didn't recognize myself but im just gonna blame it on the strobe lights. Anyways apparently my friends had been circling the whole building trying to find me, and meanwhile i was talking to my own reflection in a room full of people. I got up to alot of tomfoolery this night, and much more happened including running away with another random man who was much older than me, only to be chased down by my friends who had thought Id been kidnapped. I would like to give a big apology to my friends who constantly put up with my desire to run away and talk to everybody I meet, including myself.

CC

2024-08-21 17:13:35 +0000 UTC

Two weeks ago I was sitting in my living room taking a fat bong rip, when my roommate and a friend of his walk in, we exchange civilized hellos and I left for the day….I get home later that night and literally all of his stuff is gone!! He left behind his bed frame, his George Forman and a hole in our door !!! Without a single word !!! I was absolutely GAGGEDDDDDDDD

Dorothy

2024-08-21 17:11:06 +0000 UTC

Don't even get me started when we had to notify them that said funeral needed to be canceled because said Grandmother got COVID... actually I'll tell you. They just said, "okay."

Bridget Kolf

2024-08-21 17:06:53 +0000 UTC

Did you know the catholic church gatekeeps songs at funerals? They give you a list to pick from and I guess some are NOT willing to negotiate with the grievers!!! I asked the catholic church in Ridgefield CT that my grandmother devoted 45 years of being the cook for the priests in rectory for if Amazing Grace could be sung at my father's funeral, I even named dropped the last name in my kindly crafted email so totally anticipating their deepest sympathies and accommodations. They emailed me back a week later and said "no." The scoff I scuffed...

Bridget Kolf

2024-08-21 17:06:11 +0000 UTC

“The homoeroticism that stunk up our megabed” is an amazing phrase

Erin Healey

2024-08-21 16:53:29 +0000 UTC

I live in HAMONT and work customer service In an area facing the brunt of the houselessness crisis. Similar stuff happens a lot :/ quite gagging

tinypurse

2024-08-21 16:47:38 +0000 UTC

I once went into a McDonalds in Chinatown to get a Diet Coke and this man was standing in the middle of the walkway staring at me. They were out of Diet Coke so I turned around and started to leave, and he screamed “don’t touch me, bitch” and pushed me really hard. I then ran out of the McDonalds as fast as my legs would take me. He truly gagged me for I did not touch him but he really ate me up with that. I think about it to this day

Hannah Askew

2024-08-21 16:33:35 +0000 UTC

My sophomore year of college, I got paired with a roommate through mutual friends. This roommate was very nice, very democrat, not at all into lizard-related conspiracy theories (I previously had a roommate that was devoutly into Qanon, but that's another story). We became amazing friends, and would hang out together constantly. One of our friends who slept over in our dorm one night convinced us to turn our two beds into a mega bed (two dorm beds pushed together), and we ended up sleeping like that for the last 2 or 3 weeks of the semester. In this time, I started talking to a guy that ended up becoming my long term boyfriend (we now live together)! Gradually, this girl, who I considered one of my best friends, gradually pulled away from me, and took one of our best friends with her. My initial conclusion was that I was becoming the girl who only wanted to hang out with/talk about her boyfriend, and went above and beyond to try to show that I still valued her in my life and wanted to spend time with her. Weeks went on, and whenever I asked her what was wrong and why she was pulling away, she would insist that nothing was wrong and that she was just busy. Finally, she admitted over text one night that the reason she was avoiding me is because I outed her to a group of our friends. I thought back to that night, and the only thing she could have been referring to is that she had been holding a pan while cooking, and I made a joke that it was fitting because she identifies as pansexual- and she was already out to everyone in the room. Also, I have been out since middle school, and dated many girls, so am overly aware of not outing people. Regardless, I apologized profusely, but it ended up being the nail in the coffin, and she said she wasn't interested in having me in her life anymore. A year goes by, and one of our mutual friends who had stopped talking to me in solidarity suddenly reaches out to me and wants to catch up. I meet up with him, and we talk through the situation. He finally admits that this girl had been in love with me the entire time we lived together, and that she was the one that asked him to suggest we create the megabed. She thought we were going to start dating once we stopped being roommates, and snapped when I got a boyfriend because she took it as a betrayal to her and our (non-existent) romantic relationship. The story about me outing her was an excuse she came up with to make me feel guilty about ruining our friendship. Apparently, everyone in our lives knew about this except for me. I still have not talked to her to this day, but will always be GAGGED about blind I was to the homoeroticism that stunk up our megabed, especially as a proud queer woman.

kolby p.

2024-08-21 16:30:21 +0000 UTC

just wrote such a long one but i needed to tell u abt my weeknd

Charlotte Beck

2024-08-21 16:28:17 +0000 UTC

wait like gagged by the pod or gagged generally in life

tbh mattea

2024-08-21 16:23:34 +0000 UTC

yes ma am 🫡🫡🫡