Skunk virus status report: final stages
Added 2024-12-04 03:46:05 +0000 UTCAttention all employees stationed in sub-basement 3B who are still capable of understanding human speech: many of you have performed admirably in maintaining your professionalism in the face of such challenges, even as sub-basements 4A and 4B were compromised as well. The data gathered from this unfortunate-circumstance-turned-opportunity will be most valuable, and the company thanks you for your sacrifice.
While ongoing study of the progeny resulting from some of your "activities" could prove fruitful, unfortunately, funding has been cut. The cost of feeding and housing dozens of skunks indefinitely has never been part of any budget projections. Thus, the legal department has deemed the virus inert enough to justify your release. Do not be alarmed; that sound you may hear is sanitation beginning their sweep. You will be sedated and transported by helicopter to an early retirement in South America - for legal reasons your destination has not been disclosed. We wish you good luck, and thank you again for your service.
