My Father's Son - Chapter 60

Izuku threw his blankets off, taking a long, slow breath as he gathered himself. Three times he’d been woken by that stupid nightmare

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Izuku threw his blankets off, taking a long, slow breath as he gathered himself. Three times he’d been woken by that stupid nightmare, now. Three times he’d been trapped in that car, surrounded by nothing but heat, and—

He shook his head, forcing the thoughts out of his brain. He just needed to think about happy things, that was all. He’d already gotten to sleep three times, admittedly after a lot of tossing and turning, by thinking about happy things. The way Hiroki always threw himself into his arms for a hug, at a moment’s notice. The cute little pout Yuuto usually made, when he gave out a hug of his own. The way his mother smiled and laughed and blushed when she was hanging out with All Might, of all people; that still blew his mind even after months of them seeing each other pretty much daily.

Every time he closed his eyes, though, he saw flashes of those same damn images, felt that pit in his stomach that made him want to vomit. He’d barely slept since it happened, and he knew it was becoming increasingly obvious with every day that went by. The best night of sleep he’d had was, somehow, the night right after it had happened, when he’d tired himself out with his tears and managed to get through the whole night undisturbed, with two little plushies held tight in his arms. Those same plushies sat beside him now, but this time they hadn’t been enough.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “I love you guys, I didn’t mean it like that.”

The pair stared back at him, faces unchanging, clearly judging him for talking to a couple of stuffed toys in the middle of the night.

There was, of course, another explanation for why he’d slept okay that night, but...

He wanted to avoid thinking about that entirely, ideally, but that ship seemed to have sailed. Ever since that dumb night when they’d held hands on the way to the restaurant, Izuku had been a lost cause. All the little touches since had only made it worse – the teasing nudges and occasional dumb hugs; the way Katsuki messed up his hair sometimes with his big, warm hand; and of course—no, he refused to think about that one. He shook his head again, trying to force the thought out, but only succeeding in making himself dizzy.

Still, Katsuki had been so nice to him about it all; he’d humoured his stupid fears, had even tried to comfort him, letting him cry all over him like the big idiot he was.

He really needed to get some sleep, though, before he became a hazard on the roads. Maybe he could go sneak into bed with one of the boys, just to have someone to snuggle with. Yuuto wasn’t a big hugger, but he’d tolerate it if he knew Izuku needed it – and he usually knew. Hiroki was much more snuggly, and a heavy sleeper to boot; he probably wouldn’t even wake up if Izuku slid in beside him, into the new bed he shared with Ryouji at least once a week, now that he had a bigger one. Yeah, maybe that was the play – sneaking into Hiroki’s room, curling up with him in bed, and hoping the comfort of having his son there was enough to get him at least a couple of hours. And if that didn’t work, for some reason, at least he’d spent some quality cuddle time with the kid he’d missed out on so many years with.

Mind made up, he slid out of bed, wrapping his arms around his pillow. The house was dark, not even a street light on his side of the house to give him a faint glow, so he reached for his phone, too. He turned on the flashlight, aiming it at his feet, and began his tiptoed trip up the stairs, trying his best to not disturb his mother on his way past her room.

Up one flight he went, and then the next, pausing in the hallway between the kids’ bedrooms. He could turn either way and probably be fine – Hiroki would sleep through it, and Yuuto would drift off again quickly – but his feet just didn’t want to do it. Instead, they dragged him up higher, up to a single door at the top of the stairs that was always closed, even though Katsuki didn’t seem to mind if people went in. Hiroki did it all the time, to get to the roof, and they’d all invaded his space together on the morning of his birthday, without objection. He was pretty sure Yuuto had sneaked in there a few times too, just to sit among his dad’s stuff, and there was no way Katsuki hadn’t noticed that at some point.

He tapped on the door lightly, resolving to leave again immediately if he didn’t get invited in. Of course, Katsuki was sound asleep, but the little grumble he made at the knocking was close enough, right? It was at least enough for him to turn the handle, to peek his head inside to look.

Katsuki was all snuggled up like some kind of weird caterpillar building his chrysalis, or maybe a particularly unruly burrito. His head was half-buried in what looked like the softest pillow in the world, his weighted blanket pulled right up to his chin, but he’d cracked one eye open, searching for the disruption that had broken him out of his comfortable slumber.

“I had a nightmare,” Izuku whispered, feeling his face warm. “I know it’s silly, but do you think I could... sleep here? Just for tonight?”

He gestured with his pillow, expecting Katsuki to just wave at the floor and roll over to drift off again, but instead Katsuki pulled back his blanket, shuffling over toward the wall a little. Izuku hesitated, but Katsuki just waited, his spiky hair pointing all different directions in the silliest way Izuku had ever seen, his pillow still covering half his face, and that one ruby-red eye looking up at him sleepily, waiting.

Izuku was no saint.

Despite his nerves, and his brain screaming what are you doing he’s going to murder you in the morning, Izuku set his pillow down beside Katsuki’s. He sat on the edge of the mattress and lifted his feet up, and Katsuki pulled the blanket up over him before he’d even lain down properly, absorbing Izuku into the warmth of his cozy pile. A familiar little hedgehog sat on the bedside table, judging him as he turned off his flashlight and set down his phone beside Katsuki’s, but Izuku refused to meet its eyes.

Shut up, Bloodthorn. I know.

With Izuku settled, albeit awkwardly and stiffly, Katsuki closed his eye again, yawning as he nestled into his bedding. There was a little gap between the two of them, a barrier Izuku erected for both his sanity and his safety from Katsuki’s wrath, but Katsuki reached across it briefly, patting him clumsily on the arm.

“M’here,” he mumbled. “G’night.”

Izuku was pretty sure Katsuki was asleep again the moment that hand left him, and he envied that ease with every fibre of his being. He hadn’t really looked at his phone screen, but he was sure it had to be like three in the morning, and Izuku felt like he’d only gotten ten minutes of sleep all night, despite his exhaustion. With a quiet sigh, he made himself comfortable, trying his best not to wiggle too much and disturb the surprisingly cute figure beside him. Katsuki was a bombshell during the day, all perfect skin and beautiful eyes and devastating smile when he deigned to show it, but at night he looked at least five years younger, all snuggly and sweet and innocent, like he no longer carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Izuku was oddly grateful to see that Katsuki got to take that load off in his sleep, that he didn’t spend his nights dreaming about having to save civilians – or worse.

Izuku rolled onto his side and finally closed his eyes, readying himself to keep from tossing and turning and beating up his pillow, to think the happiest thoughts he could in the hopes of finally getting back to sleep, and hopefully, staying there.

M’here.

He cracked an eye open, taking one last look at Katsuki’s sweet face, drinking it in to remember for the rest of his life.

Izuku fell asleep.

───

Izuku wasn’t sure exactly where the sound was coming from, as he trudged down the stairs, but he knew that he loved it. Hiroki’s bright laugh was echoing through the house, and Yuuto’s little giggle was right alongside it, if a little more quiet. Izuku expected to find them playing in the living room, but instead he found the sliding glass door sitting wide open to a spacious balcony that Izuku really needed to utilise more, for something other than hanging up wet laundry.

Beyond the door, Katsuki was kneeling over his little garden, a son on each side of him with their hands buried in the dirt. Yuuto was playfully flicking dirt at the others, giggling every time he hit them and left a smudge behind, and Hiroki’s hair was streaked more brown than green, but the smiles they wore were the biggest Izuku had seen in forever.

“We doing some gardening?” Izuku asked fondly, as he headed out to join them. “It looks great, you guys have been working hard.”

“Morning Papa!” Hiroki said brightly, flinging his arms around Izuku for a hug without thought for the soil he wiped on Izuku’s pyjamas in the process – not that Izuku really minded, as he hugged him back and savoured his warmth. “Did you sleep well? Daddy said you were super tired last night, so we let you sleep in!”

“I was,” he agreed. “But I did. Sleep well, I mean. How about you?”

“Uh-huh!”

With a last little squeeze, he went back to his weeding, and Izuku leaned over to ruffle Yuuto’s hair fondly.

“Morning bubs.”

“Morning Papa!” Yuuto returned, though he didn’t falter in his task.

“Morning Kacchan,” Izuku added.

Katsuki looked up, smiling slightly, a smudge of dirt on his cheek that underlined his ruby eye. In the sun they glittered like real gemstones, and Izuku reached out, wiping away the dirt without thinking. Katsuki’s cheek was warm under his hand, and for a moment Izuku lingered, feeling his own face fill with heat as he tried to come up with some kind of explanation for his action, let alone for the night prior.

“Morning,” Katsuki answered finally. “There’s leftovers on the stove.”

“Thanks,” Izuku said, pulling his hand back quickly. “Um, listen...”

“You’re good,” Katsuki assured him, before Izuku could even find the words. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I just... thanks.”

“Any time. That you need it, I mean.”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

Hiroki giggled to himself, and Izuku finally stepped away, leaving them to their task and heading for the food. The kitchen, too, was empty, Inko either still in her bedroom or long gone to see All Might, so Izuku sat down at the table on his own, once he’d reheated his rice and eggs. Katsuki had seemed completely genuine about it being okay, so why did he still feel so guilty?

He knew the answer to that, really. It was one thing to share a bed with your friend and co-parent who had gone through a traumatic experience and needed a hand, but it was an entirely different thing to sleep beside someone who...

Izuku stuffed his mouth with rice, as if he might blurt out the words out loud.

“So I was thinking,” Katsuki said, jolting Izuku out of his thoughts and into the kitchen, where Katsuki suddenly leaned against the doorway – how much had he heard? “I have this whole week off, for like, the first time ever. The hag is on my ass about spending time with the kids while they’re off school. What do you think about doing some kind of extended family thing? Toshi-sensei and my parents can come over, we can hang out and play games again or something. Maybe board games, Hiro and my dad both love them and I’m sure Yuuto would enjoy the puzzley kind.”

“Sure,” Izuku agreed easily. “Um, when?”

“My folks are fine whenever, I’ll talk to Toshi-sensei and see if he’s got an afternoon free.”

“Grampa is coming over?” Hiroki asked, nudging his way in and tracking dirt across the floors. “Tonight?”

“Not tonight,” Katsuki chuckled, ruffling muddy curls. “Next week, for one of the holidays. Your grandparents too. We’ll play some games and stuff.”

Hiroki just grinned, but Izuku saw the hesitation that flickered in Katsuki’s expression, even without Hiroki asking the question.

“You can invite Ryouji’s family too,” he said with a sigh. “Inko and Toshi-sensei should be able to keep Number Two under control.”

“Yay!” Hiroki cheered, pulling his phone from his pocket despite his messy hands. “They aren’t going away ‘cos of Koara, so any day should be okay.”

“Is Eri family too?” Yuuto asked. “She came last time.”

“Of course she is,” Katsuki agreed easily. “I’ll give Aizawa a call and see if they’re free.”

“Is Eri gonna be your girlfriend?” Hiroki asked, poking Yuuto in the arm.

“Ew! No!” Yuuto protested, wrinkling his nose. “She’s my friend!”

“What about Uta?”

“No!” Yuuto insisted again, blushing this time. “She’s my buddy! I don’t want a girlfriend!”

“You always say girls aren’t icky!”

“They’re not! Girlfriends are icky!”

“Yeah,” Hiroki agreed, nodding sagely. “Yuck.”

“No! Boyfriends are icky too!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yuh-huh!”

“Enough,” Katsuki said firmly. “You two need a shower, you wanna go get clean?”

“Yeah,” Hiroki said with a giggle, looking down at his muddy hands and clothes. “Back soon, Papa, have a good breakfast!”

He ran off up the stairs, fetching clean clothes before he ran down to the ground floor, where Izuku’s and Inko’s bathrooms were. Yuuto waited for him to pass in his flurry of motion, before he headed up to his own room, and soon both showers were running, on either end of the house.

“You doing okay?” Katsuki asked, when they were safely out of earshot.

“Yeah,” Izuku said, smiling sheepishly. “Um, thanks. I just...”

“I get it,” Katsuki assured him. “Whenever is fine, I don’t mind.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Katsuki assured him, shoving him lightly. “Haven’t I told you that before?”

“Well... Yeah, but...”

“No but. I know you’d do the same thing for me.”

Izuku’s heart fluttered. It wasn’t like Katsuki would ever need his help with... well, anything really, but the idea of a sleepy Katsuki showing up in his bedroom looking upset was...

“I would,” Izuku agreed. “Not that you’d ever need it.”

“You’d be surprised.”

Katsuki paused, drumming his fingers on the table, then slowly pulled out a chair, sitting down opposite Izuku and watching him take another bite of his breakfast.

“Do you know what caused it?” he asked quietly, glancing toward the hallway to double check the boys were gone. “Like, was there... something in particular, yesterday?”

“I’m... not sure what you mean, I don’t think.”

Katsuki paused again, looking away with a grimace, and Izuku’s foot began to bounce against the floor as he waited.

“I’m not good with being restrained,” Katsuki admitted. “It freaks me out, and then I lose control of my temper and everything, and that just reinforces the stupid idea in everyone’s heads that I need to be restrained. Whenever I feel like my movement is limited, it triggers all sorts of... memories, I guess. Any time I’m up against a villain with some kind of binding quirk, it fucks me up for a few days. So I wondered if something happened, yesterday, that made you... react.”

“Oh. I, um, don’t know, I guess? It just seemed like every time I got close to falling asleep, I started seeing it all happen again, and because I was sleepy or asleep, I couldn’t get it out of my head.”

“Do you spend a lot of time trying not to think about it?”

“Kind of,” Izuku said sheepishly. “I guess I should probably... deal with it, or whatever, right?”

“Eventually,” Katsuki agreed. “But it doesn’t have to be right away, if you’re not comfortable with that. Do you... want to tell me about it? About what you’re seeing, or feeling, or something?”

Images flashed through Izuku’s head, and he cringed before he could stop himself, sinking in his chair.

“You don’t have to,” Katsuki said immediately.

“It’s not that,” Izuku assured him. “I just... keep seeing it.”

“Seeing...?”

“The car surrounded by fire, with me trapped inside, where I can’t move, like I’m going to burn to death, or suffocate, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Katsuki froze, mouth hanging open a little like he’d forgotten how to speak, and Izuku refused to meet his eyes, squirming in his seat.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Izuku asked, his fears forgotten immediately in favour of confusion. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“The fire was,” Katsuki said, grimacing again. “That was me and Halfie.”

“What?”

“The villains didn’t have any fire quirks,” he explained softly. “I didn’t mean to scare you more, it was just...”

He trailed off, and Izuku blinked at him, tilting his head slightly as he studied Katsuki’s torn expression, the words he was clearly reluctant to say.

“Halfie and I both freaked out, in our own way,” he admitted. “He’s never used his fire in a real fight before, but he saw you, and obviously he thought of Hiro, and he got so mad that it just came out. And I did the same. I was so pissed off, so... scared, that you might get hurt because they wanted me.”

“I don’t understand.”

Katsuki sighed, running a hand through his hair, but when he switched to gnawing on his fingernails, Izuku reached out, gently taking his hand away from his mouth.

“Fire and explosions, that’s... that’s my comfort zone, that’s safety, for me and for Hiro. I never thought about how terrifying it would be, for you. The first thing I did was ignite shit to keep them away from the car, to keep you safe.”

Izuku froze, understanding finally dawning on him, thankfully keeping enough composure to not stare at the tears he could see forming in Katsuki’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Katsuki said again. “I didn’t know I’d fucked you up so much.”

“You didn’t,” Izuku assured him. “I’m safe because of you, that’s what matters, and I hope you know how much I appreciate you for getting there so quickly, for getting all your friends there just for me. It was amazing when I saw them all there waiting. And as soon as I pulled into the carpark, they were around me on every side, there was no way they were going to let anyone close, and that was such a relief. But it was nothing on the moment I saw you come flying in, and I knew everything was gonna be okay, because you were there.”

“You wouldn’t be having nightmares about it, if you felt safe.”

“I did, though, when I saw you! I just didn’t know what to do, whether to get out and run so you wouldn’t have to protect me, or stay put so you wouldn’t have to keep track of where I was, or... I don’t know. I just felt all that heat and I couldn’t move and I was just so alone, I couldn’t even ask anyone for help or what to do because no one could hear me in the car and you were all busy and...”

“Hey,” Katsuki interrupted, reaching across the table to grab his hand. “It’s okay. Shhh.”

Izuku hadn’t realised how much he was trembling, how quickly the tears were pouring down his face, until that warm hand gripped his own, steadying him.

“You’re not alone,” Katsuki told him, sending a wave of relief through Izuku’s entire body with those three little words. “Hey. I’m here, okay? Always. Even when I’m not right beside you, I’m still here, and I’ll be at your side in seconds if you call for me. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Izuku sniffled. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“You’re not,” Katsuki said firmly, pausing for a moment. “Okay, I mean, physically you’re a bit of a mess right now, but you know what I mean.”

Izuku sniffled, a choked laugh managing to make it out of him, and Katsuki squeezed his hand a little tighter, smiling faintly.

“You can stay with me whenever you want,” Katsuki told him. “I mean it, okay? I’m not just saying that. If being alone is hard, you don’t have to be.”

Oh.

“I’m not alone often,” Izuku acknowledged. “With you and Mom and the kids and everything, I hadn’t realised...”

“Sometimes you have to talk it out, right? You always tell me the same thing.”

“Yeah,” Izuku agreed, swallowing hard. “Um, thank you.”

“It’s okay. I really am sorry, for not thinking at the time. I shouldn’t have made you feel trapped.”

“You did what you thought was best.”

“Even the number one hero is still learning to think about other people,” Katsuki said wryly. “I’ll do better next time.”

“I don’t...” Izuku hesitated, then finally met Katsuki’s eyes. “Um, I forgive you.”

Katsuki blinked at him, and Izuku felt his face turn red.

“I don’t think you need to apologise,” he clarified. “But I know you think you do, so just... I forgive you, okay? For anything you feel you did wrong.”

Katsuki took a long, slow breath, then let it out again just as slowly, before his hand squeezed a little tighter again.

“Thank you, Izuku.”

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