Feeling grateful;)

Thanks to all my scandalous folks who are being patient with me while my explicit content is slower than usual. My caregiver who helps me with those photo shoots and videos will be back soon!! In the meantime I'll be as naughty as I can without scaring off the new ones…

My body feels so much better now that I have weekend care and the two new girls are so nice about helping me with range of motion and massage! A little anxious for no reason, that happens from time to time, but when I reflect on all that I have manifested even on my darkest days leading to this moment where I feel very supported by my car team, care team, I just have to close my eyes and be glad… there is always so much devastation happening in the world it's easy to be affected by those energies. So often I feel like I'm so busy trying to realign and fix myself, how am I supposed to help in the big picture? Somewhere along the line I forgot about my vision to manifest and call In the new earth… it's an inner Renaissance that I feel taking place as religion and trust in outside leader ship falls away and people begin listening to their intuition and the voice of spirit. It's tricky though, because demons are also spiritual and they have shitty things to say to me. Over the past few days I have wondered how the hell do people silence the negative inner critic… or do most of us just live with it?

Maybe awareness is the first step. Just being aware that I am loved and loving, and the truth is the only thing that ever sustains lasting change is love. Not mushy love or fickle temporary love, the real down and dirty love. The kind where you don't give up on someone or something, even yourself… Especially yourself. I've had a lot of near death moments from my hospital experiences and there have been like conversations my soul has with the after life, in the moment resisting. Like there's something I need to do first.* or maybe somebody needs to do me first ha ha ha* seriously though as much as the quadriplegic life can get me down, I guess there is something here. There's something I need to say, there's some thing or someone or multiple things and someone's for me to love. When I think like that, I don't want to die yet. When I think about manifesting myself back in Seattle, sitting there looking out across the water at a breathtaking sunset, the city all beautiful and bustling behind me, maybe my dog in my lap, I get so emotional. Could it really happen? Could I feel again at home? In this body, in this brokenness, in this world.