Thinking of getting my nipples pierced

I don't promote self harm, but I keep thinking about piercing my nipples. I've had a weird weekend filled with pleasure, depression, and straight up exhaustion, and I wonder if when people do self harm it's in an attempt to transfer their mental pain into physical pain. I don't feel that much on my boobs anyway, so… because of all the distraction over the weekend I did not Record the audio episode of my podcast, paralyzed and either polyamorous or paranoid or both. I've decided I need to meet more disabled friends in person, and this week will be fun because I have a lot of therapist to go to therapies I mean. I have yet to find a therapist.

Anyways, I'm not even taking suggestions for piercing my clit because I feel like that would be a recipe for autonomic dysreflexia… I can elaborate in my podcast episode what that is…

My lawyer came to visit and that was really nice but it reminded me how isolated I am and how much I miss the West Coast. I really need to get back into meditation and visualization in order to dream up the life I want. I've come so far in the past year medically, emotionally, and physically, I have to remember that sometimes it takes years for people to just get used to their injury. I'm going on year for, and it's so hard to believe that FOUR. Years. This is not a get well soon scenario, but I fucking wish it was. I wish that in like five years, I could walk around and do doggy style and be normal. At some point we all get old, and sex isn't everything anymore, and we want to stare into each other's eyes and be understood rather than having our bodies lusted over.

Love is so deep. I don't think I've ever experienced a real true love or realized what I had at specific times in my life when people were trying to love me. People have so many definitions, and I try not to define what I feel which often times just makes me more confused. But the point is life is much much much better than it was three years ago. All these bad thoughts can just go away, as I turn bright red whilst succumbing to nipple piercings. It would be for my birthday March 21, and I'll record the whole thing.

Tomorrow's podcast topics: my idea of a cool relationship, what I think about people self-medicating with marijuana and psychedelics as opposed to actual therapy slash psychiatric treatment, how my date went/the feelings that arose(a lot of people don't think I can feel my pussy, which is kind of true but it still feels good being messed around with, I'll go into detail about what I felt emotionally and physically) and maybe I will give a little overview of what Else has been happening lately that I consider to be positive changes.

, listening to Mazzy Star,

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