Pink lingerie and some thoughts

Soon I'll be having a caregiver I feel more comfortable with in the evenings, which I'm excited for because now I get to play with my vibrator a lot more. Technically it's a healing wand specifically made for pelvic trauma, as my body is very sensitive and I didn't want to shock my system the first time I experienced an O again after one and a half years.

I was still shaking and quivering pretty violently the first time she helped me with it, my legs spasming and my hips bucking against the back of the shower chair.

Evidently I'm still as wet now as I was strutting around Seattle as an able bodied polyam siren song.

My caregivers kind of know if I've been listening to his voice late at night or touching myself mentally in my wet dreams where I look down to see his head resting in between my rib cage, his hands tracing poetry up the curve of my breasts with both hands before smoothly gripping my upper back firmly pressing into my shoulder blades until I release a gasp as he circles my nipple with his tongue. He's not Australian, but he looks like he could be and he speaks Spanish love phrases I don't understand. When I met him his hair was short but now it's long and sun kissed and I just want him to rail me in a sundress every afternoon. I would say every moment of every minute of every day, but when people get that close they inevitably forcibly depart, and I don't want him to forcibly do anything EXCEPT f**k me.

Anyway, he's not the only one I desire in physical form,. The other ones just haven't caught my full imaginative and mental attention yet. There's something about someone who captures the same delight or compassion you give to the world and mirrors it back to you so that you remember the Moondust you are made of… you literally glow. I wonder if there's a concept of mirror flames as there is twin flame theory. My twin flame is someone I'm always going to love, even though he loves his addiction more then us. Trying to save or make the reunion work for our souls Will not happen in this lifetime. I used to think that our star signs we're not aligned WERE not aligned, silly voice access, but my relationship with him was clearly for me a catalyst to me identify myself finally after years of question.* identifying, again typing from my phone with voice access so please forgive me.  letting go and moving on was incredibly painful because once I had looked into his eyes and seen it all, that feeling of oneness and a love so exciting it made me feel at times on top of the world and other times in the underworld, like a beautiful enchanting twin flame spell that only predicted demise because we exposed each other's dark secrets, just human   but alcohol and sex have very negative repercussions when used to excess. I didn't know then that I was polyamorous. I thought, when he went off to Tahoe for a snowboarding trip and fucked a girl in the hotel bar, I was being unfaithful going to a space party in Seattle in a very spacious house finding myself in bed with a swinger couple and the host of the space party. It's so crazy how communication changes everything. Picture a polyamorous relationship or arrangement where everybody is being honest and the whole point is pleasure and sharing instead of getting off on the idea we are getting away with something taboo, save that for kinky bondage escapades.
Sometimes, twin flames can be the most revolutionizing other half we will ever incarnate to learn from. Sometimes they can be all of that and also toxic, not yet healed from the battle scars of fighting their own demons. Space from us who reflect them can actually allow for more healing to occur as they focus on self love and self-respect., In one year after my injury, it was really tough to have self love. I felt so perceived as a sick helpless girl in a wheelchair, my skin suffering from a year before that spent in hospitals neglected and unshowered, crying all the time but at the same time never in front of people because I didn't want to be seen as a weak disabled mess. My skin wasn't the only thing suffering. In my mind, I kept replaying the incidence of my accident and injury, to the present day where I felt quite alone and forsaken by my friend groups. A couple ex lovers came back into my life, but they shrank from my disability as though I had the plague. They told me about their other lovers but instead of me feeling included and part of their world, I felt distinctly separate like there's an able bodied lovers club and a disabled one.

I began to feel almost the same separation and disillusionment as one going through twin flame break up, only this time it was a separation in myself. I would have to learn to love myself radically and deeply in a way even I could not understand, even when my mind was in self loathing towards my body. One thing that we don't talk about is the internal ablest living inside everyone of us whether we are disabled or not. Every time you think that one person is better than another person because of their abilities, you are listening to your inner ablest and not the truth of the universe which accept all things just as they are as equal.

When I began this self-love dirty, talk, things begin to change for me. I started wanting to feel good, and I started wearing clothes that made me feel sexy and lovely. Began accessing more of the divine feminine energy through meditation and sunlight codes. Began using cannabis as a way to Drop in to pleasure states and visualize beautiful erotic scenarios where I felt powerful and honored.

That's why when a goddess tells you she manifested you, it's probably true. And she probably visited the underworld multiple times before getting to the place she is able to do so. And now, you're giving her wet dreams and helpless Little moans when she looks at your photos, kind of impressed, turned on by her own abilities to call In something magnificent.

elle.,