School girl fantasy

Combined with getting Covid, December holds special challenges for me what with caregivers schedules being patchy and having to be around family members who really don't ask me how I'm doing or what it feels like to live with a disability all the other months of the year.

Dressing up and doing a photo shoot or FaceTime calls with you guys/Girls helps me to live in a fantasy world where people actually like me because of my disability. Instead of viewing me like some kind of deformed childish nuisance, you all see me for the sexy charming School girl that I really a.m.

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I want to go deep with people. I want to be understood. So often my major insecurity is, the more people learn about me, the more of me they see like my scars and my pain, the more disappointed they will be. A lot of dark but necessary mental thoughts over took my mind during Covid and I was reminded that self treating my suicidal and depression focused thoughts with Microdosing and medical marijuana is not enough. I think it's important for me to face these dark thoughts even though they terrified me at the beginning of my injury and they still do. I feel like the more I connect with my subscribers, whether that's the messages or commissioned videos or FaceTime, I feel a little bit more hopeful that my life, my body and soul and mind, won't be in vain. Maybe there's a shred of purpose in being the black sheep, the nuisance, the outcast. Sharing myself with you, reminding you that disabled people have desires and dreams even if they have injuries, somehow doing this shines a light in the dark tunnel of my often tortured mind.

I can't tell you what lies ahead, where I'll end up or how long I will live, but I can tell you I'm ordering new sets of lingerie and I would love to do a FaceTime call or a commission video if you're simply burning with curiosity. After all, what do able-bodied people do to feel worthy and keep going? I don't you ever just get dressed up and go out and forget about mortality for a little while in your own beautiful dream world?

Love,

e