My wheelchair

I am grateful to be alive, some days it's just really hard or let me say cumbersome directing my care so specifically every moment of the day.

Because we are down one caregiver, Yvonne has been taking on extra shifts even though of all people I feel bad that a lot of the work is going to her because she is due in February.! She works a split shift for me on the weekends because no one else wants to work weekend. We did get a response to an advertisement we sent to nursing students and a girl wants to come interview… I never get my hopes up though people can be so careless when it comes to this kind of job and my last caregiver left like I didn't even matter. It puts everyone in a horrible situation. Because it doesn't just affect me.

I was alone for several hours today because we don't have Full coverage again and so my shoulders and back are extremely achy from lack of the physical therapy I train my caregivers to do during the mid afternoon. It's OK though, I'm thankful that I had morning and evening coverage. On a sidenote I am feeling like it's been a struggle for me emotionally lately but I'm trying to overcome it by making content. I started talking to in able bodied Guy after only focusing on talking with disabled crushes, and frankly it was quite disappointing. I ended up finding out through a discussion with him about polyamory that he views women as possessions… I asked him what his turn on is and he said submissive women… don't get me wrong I like pretending I am submissive and role-play, but when it comes down to it we all know if I could be independent I would be 100% and I don't rely on romantic interests to support me. Anyway, I really thought we had a connection but the whole thing ended up being disturbing. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't even want a threesome now and then?! Not me baby. Also I'm really missing my dog who lives in Seattle now and is going on 16 years old. I don't know how he has lived this long with such a good health but I am praying and please pray with me that he lives to be 20 so that when I move back within the next couple years I can be with him when he passes. I can't fly on planes because of my respiratory issues and I also don't want to ruin my wheelchair, I've heard horror stories.