It might have been a cold, winter evening. I really don't remember what time of year it was but for literary value let's say it was a cold, winter evening and the frost was staring to form on the pine trees that definitely did not exist in the city we lived in then. I just like to think there are pine trees everywhere and when there aren't I insert them into my memories instead. It's kind of li...
2023-07-20 04:51:50 +0000 UTC View PostI was playing the fool. As we snuggled together in our bed, I was gently poking his nipples with my nails just to hear him protest and squeal through my giggles. I'm deeply ashamed of my playfulness, and the alacrity with which I reveal it to him, but I think I'll keep it because I love the way he laughs when I am being silly. It's the kind of laugh that makes you feel cherished and ...
2023-07-19 07:20:05 +0000 UTC View Post
In the dark you look like a robot as you move your arm from the elbow repeatedly in the exact same motion to bring the unfurling flogger down between my legs. It's old, we should get rid of it. I feel like I'm watching a stabbing-robot from one of those haunted, horror houses. Your silhouette moves so mechanically and consistently that it hypnotises me, you are saying words and I can hear t...
As soon as he calls for the scene to be wrapped up, I collapse onto the chair behind me. My feet are throbbing but I wouldn't dare remove these shoes until he tells me that I can. A young woman resets my hair and shines my face with a brush I can only hope has been washed this week, the process of having my face painted has always seemed so otiose to me, but it's an ill of the trade. Th...
This is not a definitive prescription on the matter, it is merely a helpful guide. Do not undermine the autonomy or agency of any victims or survivors who may reach out to you for support.
2023-07-05 07:04:10 +0000 UTC View Post
What if you are accustomed to taking the high-road so pathologically, you are unable to ever see the damage dislike and hatred does to you? Well, more than that, but that's the gist.
2023-07-04 08:45:05 +0000 UTC View Post
There are things I do because I inherited certain habits from my parents, but there are also things I am because I inherited their pain and developed behaviour in response to their reactions. How does that pass on? How am I passing it on? Should I be?
2023-06-10 06:41:47 +0000 UTC View PostNote: This is part of a textbook I am writing for the practise of CNC. The entire textbook will be available on my Patreon, the first chapter is posted here and the second is here. There is a downloadable ...
2023-06-06 09:19:38 +0000 UTC View PostNote: This is part of a textbook I am writing for the practise of CNC. The entire textbook will be available on my Patreon, the first chapter is posted here. There is a downloadable document at the bottom, please do not disseminate.
....
Chapter 2
Negotiating For CNC
Chapter O...
2023-06-05 06:47:55 +0000 UTC View Post
There are some relationship dynamics that are darker than others, ones that contain elements of CNC, emotional masochism, edge play, trauma, total power exchange etc, and often these relationships are portrayed and received as questionable. In this podcast, we discuss what elements of a darker dynamic circumvent potential negative consequences and make it healthier. Enjoy!
2023-06-01 14:43:15 +0000 UTC View PostI can only be taken out after the party is over.
When everyone is gone,
And the prying eyes have retreated for the day.
When only those remain,
the ones who are privy to the secret.
Secret.
I am the secret.
Hidden away in the day.
As invisible as the good servant
—or the faithful elf.
Toiling away in anonymity,
I am not an expert on trauma but this is as detailed an understanding of the various responses to trauma as I am capable of mustering.
2023-05-26 07:27:42 +0000 UTC View Post
I woke up because I realised I was alone in bed. When I reached out with my arm, hoping to find the warmth of his body to drape over myself like an old, familiar blanket, I found nothing but cold sheets. It was well past ten, and I was surprised I had slept in so late, and that he had let me. The sun was shining in through the window, I don't care for that, something about beautiful, sunny ...
(A Word document of these notes can be downloaded at the bottom of this page, please do not disseminate).
...
Chapter 1
What is Consensual Non-Consent?
Chapter Overview.
Consensual Non-Consent or CNC is an often misunderstood or condemned method of practising BDSM. There are major misconceptions about what it represents, how it manifests and whether there is any p...
How important is the point? What is my point? That's not the point. This description reveals nothing of what I actually talk about, I talk about being a woman in the workplace, the performance of humility and the consequences of public perception. And also, the point.
2023-05-13 07:09:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Predators and Red Flags.
Red Flags.
A red-flag is a warning system to signal an emergency or potential danger. It does not work as well when you start to use it to identify things you do not personally do not like. Red flags do not offer enough information by themselves.
How to get the most out of red-flags?
- Contextualise the red-flag.
-...
Note: I am compiling and writing various text-books (one on writing, erotic writing and a few on kink), as I work through them I will post each "class" on here so all the information in the final textbooks will be available on my Patreon so you don't have to purchase the textbooks to access the information. It will be available only if you subscribe to the $5 tier and up, but I am making the fi...
2023-05-08 10:57:49 +0000 UTC View PostI've always felt that in another life I could have been extremely pious. I have no god in this one and unfortunately the political reality and inherent chastity of religion keeps me from engaging in any way. I have no faith, and I see no reason to have any when the reality of most religion is oppression, vote-bank politics, meaningless ritualism and patriarchal nonsense. I see no reason to beli...
2023-05-08 05:21:11 +0000 UTC View Post
^ That.
Communication is difficult but specificity helps. These tips are as specific as I can get.
2023-05-04 04:59:44 +0000 UTC View Post
I'm learning new things about emotions (which are likely not new things to most people). I still had things to say about it though.
Enjoy!
2023-05-03 06:21:12 +0000 UTC View Post
As I make my way towards the stage, through the labyrinth of guests and servers, I am interrupted by a young woman with a tray of drinks strapped to her chest. There are dozens of them in the hall, dressed in little golden frocks, serving gold-speckled tequila and inviting the men to lick the salt off their necks and wrists with a...
How do you maintain individuality in a relationship? What hampers it? Why is it even important? How do you define individuality? What threatens people in relationships about individuality? All of that and more on the second episode of my husband and my joint podcast!
2023-04-23 13:12:55 +0000 UTC View Post
"I want to touch you," I told him, from across my desk, "I wish I could just walk over to you and touch you."
It sounds like a very simple desire, doesn't it? I love him, he loves me, we've been together for ages, touching him should be an act so anodyne it needn't bear mention, but it's not. This distance between us is not fordable and it's deliberate. The world is at liberty t...
Sometimes in long-term relationships the kink and sexuality starts to fade or suffer. Why does this happen? How can you study your relationship to determine what is causing this? What can you do to ensure your dynamic is as rich and alive in year 11 as you'd like it to be? When should you implement solutions? And when should you cut and run?
2023-04-19 05:34:40 +0000 UTC View Post
“He took the diamonds back,” Chandini told me, “The last time I visited him, he told me to give them to him so he could keep them safe while we were out and about, but then he just “forgot to return them” and broke up with me.”
She pulled out a box of cigarettes from the Louis Vuitton handbag that lay on the floor of her plush, glitter-themed apartment in Delhi. Sh...
I started off recording a podcast about needles, but sadly needles didn't come up at all. All my friends, the experience of communication, socio-economic impacts on relationships and puppies being adopted did come up though.
Sorry?
2023-04-06 09:21:47 +0000 UTC View PostI've said this a thousand times, I'll say it a thousand times more, I identify as a woman for political reasons, and a lot that began because I was..well, assigned female at birth (which is not at all to insinuate that is the only cause or valid path to being a woman, it happened to become mine because I had no idea there were other options). I didn't know what constituted my gender but as a ki...
2023-04-06 06:30:21 +0000 UTC View Post
I interviewed my husband on my podcast because he was a little drunk and I was a little stoned. It was a wonderful time :)
Enjoy?
2023-04-02 11:33:07 +0000 UTC View PostI've been avoiding going out for a couple of weeks. When I do go out, I've been wearing long-sleeved shirts even though it's quite warm. It's because of the marks on my arms. The marks were made with a blade and a cane, during the course of a perfectly consensual if somewhat intense sexual interaction between me and a person who loves me very much. I have no negative feelings about the marks an...
2023-03-29 09:58:39 +0000 UTC View Post
I did a podcast as the epilogue to A Penitent Season to talk about how one recovers from that, how I am recovering from it and how it feels. It's a little wistful.
2023-03-21 04:44:27 +0000 UTC View Post