If there’s one group you never want to make an instructional video for, it’s the cool kids. I know all you want to do is teach 4th Graders what a nollie is, or help Somebody’s Aunt learn to rap about he...
2020-04-13 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostVideo games have been dominated by the male gaze since their inception. Back in the '90s, when our pixel technology finally caught up to our ass technology, every female video game character had to have a sup...
2020-04-12 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostIf you don't understand or accept your gay son, you're probably not used to good news, but I have some: there's a book called HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT YOUR GAY SON (Even if you're not sure you can) 2020-04-10 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
On the path to fame you will take many small steps. Long before you puke pure cocaine onto your own star on Hollywood Boulevard, you will celebrate minor milestones that feel revelatory at the time: The day a...
2020-04-09 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostOver the decades, the character of Captain America has been imagined nearly five different ways-- werewolf, regular, one-armed unfrozen teen, and secret Nazi. It is with great honor I add "man with realistic ...
2020-04-08 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostI enjoy fighting, but I do not enjoy being fought. Ideally, I would like to attack people from inside the safety of a heavily guarded pillow fort. Where is the martial art for me, the extremely dishonorable v...
2020-04-07 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostEar candling is precisely, exactly what it sounds like without any caveats. It's an activity a three-year-old would invent if you asked them to draw "ear candling." I still feel like I have to say ...
2020-04-06 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostYou know what ASMR is: softcore porn for audiophile Quakers. “It’s not sexual,” every ASMR fan tells you, even as they moan at your lip smacking and shirt crinkles. I don’t blame you for trying to pul...
2020-04-03 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostLike all sex books, 269 Amazing Sex Games has to make some pretty wild guesses where your kink zone starts and ends. It has no idea if you're shy grandparents or dicks-in-every-hand exhibitionists, so it assu...
2020-04-02 15:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostIt seems like the internet has always been a part of our life: Our untrustworthy informant, our shameful lover, the rancid meat way in the back of our soul, neglected and slowly turning monstrous. But there w...
2020-04-01 15:04:40 +0000 UTC View PostChaz Wilson combined dance with fighting in a way deadlier and sexier than it sounds. His fluid, powerful movements dazzle enemies then dazzle them several more times: leg lift, elbow move, buttock...
2020-03-31 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostThe 1970s were worried about a lot of things: smog, the fragile afro integrity of the average white man, that this cocaine high might not last forever no matter how true it sounds when you scream it -- but mo...
2020-03-30 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostIt has been an entire month since you switched your diet to 100% Hot Dog. Your toilet is in ruins, you have to wear prescription pants, and your gut bacteria have just invented language solely so they have a ...
2020-03-28 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostArt is subjective and fluid. It's transformed by intent, viewer, and hindsight. So when someone says, "That's the worst art ever made," even if they're right, it won't be true for you or when put into any oth...
2020-03-27 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostBe calm. Maintain your vigil. Show no signs of external panic, or your life is forfeit. Be very still and give no sign that you have read this:
You are currently surrounded by boners.
...
2020-03-26 15:00:02 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1994, EA published Shaq Fu, a terrible fighting game about Shaquille O'Neal traveling to another dimension to rescue a boy from a kung fu mummy. It's, to this day, the most bad ideas anyone ever h...
2020-03-25 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostThere was a magical time in the 1980s where television executives knew two things, and two things only: “Cartoons” and “sex monstering.” Everything and everyone got a cartoon adaptation. There were so...
2020-03-24 15:00:02 +0000 UTC View PostYou've seen them everywhere: adult psychics. They bend our local spoons and hide messages in our worst cookies. But how did they get here? Can anything stop them? Let's answer your first question first: In 19...
2020-03-23 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostNot every Upsetting Day will be about accursed children’s books, but a lot of them will be, since nobody hates the playful innocence of the young like the people who write books for them. In descending orde...
2020-03-20 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostDuring my distinguished career at Cracked.com, I wrote several articles questioning the romantic competence of Gregory J.P. Godek. He is responsible for the best-selling 1,001 Ways to Be Romantic fea...
2020-03-19 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostSean has promised me that this won’t be one of our public columns, so I feel safe admitting this only to you, our loyal patrons: I have always wanted to be a magical girl.
I wan...
2020-03-18 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostTechnically, by editorial mandate, arcade games fall under the umbrella of NERDING DAY. But you know who never starts their sentences with "technically?" A goddamn hot dog. "Technically" is a word for carrot ...
2020-03-17 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostI remember the first time I truly understood that there is injustice in this world. It was when I learned about fingerboarding.
Doris Sanford wrote illustrated children's books for every conceivable trauma a child might go through. She wrote a book on being a loser, one about making friends with the Japanese soldiers guarding you in a...
2020-03-13 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostWhen I plugged the synopsis of Kemono Michi: Rise Up into the Weiner 2600 -- the machine that decides which aspect of Hot Dog our content represents -- the damn thing told me to schedule it for Fucki...
2020-03-12 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostIn 2002, three years on the heels of Star Wars prequel mania, nutty cutup John Byrne released Star Roars: The Outer Space Joke Book. It’s riddles and desperate Star Wars p...
2020-03-11 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostThe Double Dragon series left an indelible impression on me as a child, mostly because this is the opening scene.
In the late '90s, a...
2020-03-09 14:02:00 +0000 UTC View PostWhen our generous, wise, only slightly acidic sponsors over at PoxCo (Spread the Pox!™) first assigned me the fanfiction beat, I immediately tried to commit ritual suicide. The knife penetrated, I saw the b...
2020-03-06 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
