“I’ll be back in a few hours,” said mommy as she zipped her black leather jacket.
From the corner of my eye I could see my ersatz sister, as she popped her head up over the back of the couch to wave goodbye. She had been painting her nails, half her fingers had red tips and the other half were still unpainted. I looked down at my own nails, I hadn’t painted them in months,...
The waistband of my underwear is pulled up so high it rests right underneath my breasts. She grips the fabric on the front inside her fist and pulls, forcing the bunched up gusset to cut against my clitoris.
“Does this make you uncomfortable?” She asks, leaning against me and whispering her words over my shoulder.
The discomfort is not the problem. I thrive in discom...
2023-01-10 04:26:32 +0000 UTC View PostIt was the ugliest colour you can imagine, like a blue crayon had melted into an orange one and combined into an abomination that green should never be. I don't know why anyone would build themselves a house and paint it that colour. It struck me in the eyes whenever I walked in through the gate but I tried not to let it bother me because the house suited me well. It was far away from everythin...
2023-01-06 08:31:38 +0000 UTC View Post
I talk a lot about the emotional and sexual impacts of trauma but today I talk about the social impacts of it, and they're not all great.
Enjoy!
2023-01-04 06:09:18 +0000 UTC View Post
He kisses my head before he turns over to his back and instantly falls asleep. It's not a tender kiss, it's not a cruel one either, it's a kiss that tells me he feels sorry for me. I understand why, I feel sorry for myself as well. I have said so much, I have revealed so much of myself in my mindless arousal that the currents of longing that shoot up my legs aren't exhilarated anymore, they...
He kisses me, on my lips, before he excuses himself and goes to get me the glass of wine for which I just expressed desire. I am standing in a group of older women. I don't know them very well and they don't know me at all, but it's the kind of festive environment in which it doesn't matter whether people know one another, you're friends because you were invited to the same event....
It is possible that the version of you that I see doesn't exist. I exalt you. To my eyes, you are practically ethereal, there is no creature like you. I could make a list of things about you that endear you to me, but it's not about that, it's about how you make me feel. It is about the realm of emotion you enable my heart to access, in that you are merely a catalyst, for my union with ...
I have really gotten into old Indian classical music, ghazals and such, especially the Urdu ones (I really have to learn this language), the lyrics are so fucking beautiful. I want to write about the music itself but until I do so, here are some of the songs and lyrics (I added translations, but seriously, it is very hard to translate this language, the words don't have simple meanings,...
Hi!
For my last podcast of the year I talk about...well, it's hard to say. The following things are discussed:
- The impact of gender on strength and its understanding.
- Discipline for creatives.
- The differences between male and female content creators.
And here is the math on whether I have done 10,000 hours of writing (this calcul...
2022-12-28 05:52:07 +0000 UTC View PostRead all the chapters at this tag.
.....
Chapter 11
“There is a world of happiness to be found within a transaction, you just have to make the right one.”
“Do you think I am a whore?” Number 3 asks me as she l...
For weeks, I had been going to bed completely drained. Something happens a few months into the excess of denial, the constant arousal moves from just my cunt into my brain, and at the back of it, I feel drunk all the time. Every day, I desire things that are more degrading than before, and every day it feels like it shouldn't be possible for my body to be pushed any further. Yet with his finger...
2022-12-16 05:10:08 +0000 UTC View Post
As I take a puff, I can taste my own past in my mouth. I haven't smoked this brand of cigarettes in years, eight-years, I think, if memory serves me well. And it does, doesn't it? Memory *serves*. What was it that Victor Hugo said? *Intelligence is the wife, imagination is the mistress and memory is the servant.* Normative roles notwithstanding, I think I understand what he meant, i...
I have come to dread the anticipation of the nightly ring emanating from my computer. Time seems to have become warped. From the start of my day until five in the evening it seems to trudge, I can feel each second on the clock passing, announcing itself with a throbbing between my legs, but once evening arrives time seems to fly. The hours between five and nine seem to disappear like sand slipp...
2022-12-11 13:06:40 +0000 UTC View Post
It is always amazing to me when I meet people who are able to be openly emotional. Like my mother, for example, when she is annoyed by my sister cracking her knuckles, she shows it and says it. When my sister is upset, she cries and she doesn't care that I can see her cry, in fact, it makes her feel better to have someone there for her. When my father is angry, he shows it, he doesn...
“You’re late again,” I told Sizdah as I climbed into the passenger seat of her car, “Just once, bitch, just once I would like you to be on time.”
She laughed and waved her hand at me, not just to dismiss my words but the entire concept of punctuality, say what you will about the girl, she had the uncanny ability to make reasonable requests seem silly and outlandish,...
Hi!
I am really into the podcast this month. Two episodes in the less than a week! This one is about..well, life. It's about women's relationships with women. It's about going back to school over the age of 30. It's about family. It's about kids. It's about a strange phenomenon I keep encountering. It's weirdly emotional too.
Enjoy!
2022-12-07 06:05:05 +0000 UTC View Post
I've always been wary of identifying as a little. That childlike state of being has never been my forte, honestly, even when I was an actual little girl, I found it a distasteful fit on myself. I realise that little-identity and dynamics take many different forms and there isn't a single point of definition for them all and I see those roles fulfill thousands of people everyday and I am...
There was a time when a man locked me up in a room and made me listen to the same song hundreds of times, until I started to lose it and began befriending crickets. I fought for my sanity for a long time, but the longer he finagled me to stay awake, the more entrenched I became in a state of somnolence so reminiscent of a dream, I could no longer tell consciousness and unconsciousness a...
In changing how I dress, I have come to question how I define my gender, how the world sees our definitions of our genders and how all of that is political.
Enjoy!
2022-12-05 05:54:26 +0000 UTC View PostI sent her the box hours before I arrived at her place, but it sat, seemingly untouched, on top of the dining table when I arrived. As I got out of my shoes and jacket, she emerged from the bedroom. She was wearing a white dress, it had a big belt at the waist and the shoulders were cut like a coat. Her hair were loose over her shoulders but held in place by the invisible grips of the swe...
2022-11-30 08:58:48 +0000 UTC View PostEvery time I think of her, I remember her by a different name. There are a few things I know about her that are concrete in my memory. She is a tattooist, she has light grey eyes, her septum is pierced, she likes tarot cards, she likes to colour her hair, we went to neighborhood schools but didn't know each other at the time. That's it. Her number on my phone is saved under the name Muskaan, he...
2022-11-25 08:31:51 +0000 UTC View Post
Her face was cut off in the picture but I could see her tits quite clearly. She was holding them in her hands and her finger-nails dug into the skin, just a little bit. As I scrolled through the shots, I noticed him come into the frame. First his hands, grabbing her breasts, then his teeth, biting her neck and finally, a gallery of pictures of her nipples in his mouth. A pang of longi...
Hi!
In a much more morose tone than usual, I discuss the long-term effects of chasing intensity and edges. The ones we tend not to talk about.
Enjoy!
2022-11-21 06:16:40 +0000 UTC View Post
I am trying something new. Posting some erotic visual art to see how this goes. Let me know what you think of this new endeavor.
2022-11-18 09:11:16 +0000 UTC View Post
I didn't know I still had it in me to be angry, like enthusiasm and excitement I thought I had left that emotion balled up in the corner of a room, like a beloved shirt-turned-rag at the end of its life, as I moved out of my apartment, but it would appear that I can still be mad.
It came at me at a weird moment.
He punched me in the face. Just your usual Tuesday-night punch....
The last time I checked into the dating world, a few things were different. Hinge was the most popular dating app at the time (and it appears not to have derailed as severely as Tinder) and sapiosexuality appeared to be in decline. A year ago, every dating profile was demisexual, introverted, "loves to travel" and big on nerd-ery. Back then the most persistent poly stereotype that was b...
I open my eyes really wide, as if that will help me see more clearly. As if that will help me see something new; something I wasn't seeing before. I don't see any more than before, though, maybe I even see less. I see an ending. It's hard to pinpoint the moment when something culminates but he is often so abrupt with ending things that it feels like a large china bowl has shattered all over...
To the surprise of no one, something about NNN bothers me and I am unable to see it (nor do I think it is) as benign as all the memes make it seem, but that's a lot of BDSM things innit (which, I know, is not what NNN is)? Punishment, for example, is another slippery slope. A hot, slippery slope. Let's discuss.
Enjoy!
2022-11-09 05:45:57 +0000 UTC View PostRead all the posts here.
.....
Chapter 10
“The only way to respect your womanhood is to do what you damn well please.”
“How can he owe her more money than he has?” I ask My Only Friend as we sit together on her balcony, discussing ...
